agoraphobic please help

[gjnjs96]

hi, i am a 30 year old mother of 2. i stay at home with my children. well i stay at home period. i have been suffering through anxiety for about 8 years now. it started slow but has taken over my life now. i go through good periods and bad. i went 2 years leaving my house to go to the grocery store once a month. my husband does all of our running. when i got pregnant with my second child i knew i had no choice but to leave my house. i seemed to get a bit better for about 2 years, i would leave the house frequently and i even went on vacation. in the past year and a half i have regressed. i do not leave.ever. my neighbor now does my grocery shopping for me. it has been 2 months since i have left my house. i have made it to the doctors a few times and they keep putting me on paxil. and buspar. i hate the paxil but if i dont take it i go nuts. the buspar i have stopped taking. i now am buying xanax from friends and neighbors hoping it will relieve some of my symptoms so i can get to a doctor. everyone tells me i need therapy, well the ironic thing of that is i cannot leave my house to get the therapy i need. i have no idea what to do now. i am so depressed. i have horrible thoughts anymore, thoughts i wish would just go away. i feel like they are going to have to commit me soon if i do not get help. no one understands what it is like. my husband is getting so frustrated with me. he tries to be supportive but i can tell he is at a loss too. i am so afraid i am going to lose everything. i have now become an insomniac also. this just adds to it. all i want to do is stay in bed, but i do not sleep. please someone tell me what to do. i am at a loss. thank you for listening. jen

[dino]

DEAR JEN
READING YOUR STORY WAS LIKE A CARBON COPY OF MYSELF ,I WILL TRY NOT TO BORE YOU TO MUCH WITH MY REPLY ,BASICALLY LIKE YOURSELF I CANNOT GET OUT FOR THEARAPY EITHER OR EVEN TO MY DOCTOR ,BECAUSE OF THIS I WAS DISMISSED BY EVERYONE IN THE MEDICAL PROFFESSION ,I SOME DAYS TRY TO GO OUT WITH MY HUSBAND IN THE CAR BUT EVEN 5MINS AWAY IM A WRECK ,I HAVE 4 CHILDREN 2 HAVE LEFT HOME BUT MY OTHER 2 ARE STILL AT HOME ONE OF WHICH IS SEVERLEY HANDICAPPED ,MY PANIC AND ANXIETY IS SO BAD THAT I CANNOT EVEN BE LEFT ALONE IN THE HOUSE WITH MY CHILDREN
I FEEL LIKE IM THE WORST MOTHER AND WIFE ON THIS EARTH ,MY POOR HUSBAND HAS TO DO EVERYTHING ,IM SO TIRED THE WHOLE TIME LIKE YOU AND THIS IS LEADING ME TO BECOME SO DEPRESSED ASWELL
SORRY FOR GOING ON AND ON BUT PLEASE BELIEVE ME THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK PLEASE BE FREE TO PM ME ANYTIME
LOTS LOVE DIANE (dino)XX

[jools]

hi, i am a 30 year old mother of 2. i stay at home with my children. well i stay at home period. i have been suffering through anxiety for about 8 years now. it started slow but has taken over my life now. i go through good periods and bad. i went 2 years leaving my house to go to the grocery store once a month. my husband does all of our running. when i got pregnant with my second child i knew* i had no choice but to leave my house. i seemed to get a bit better for about 2 years, i would leave the house frequently and i even went on vacation. in the past year and a half i have regressed. i do not leave.ever. my neighbor now does my grocery shopping for me. it has been 2 months since i have left my house. i have made it to the doctors a few times and they keep putting me on paxil. and buspar. i hate the paxil but if i dont take it i go nuts. the buspar i have stopped taking. i now am buying xanax from friends and neighbors hoping it will relieve some of my symptoms so i can get to a doctor. everyone tells me i need therapy, well the ironic thing of that is i cannot leave my house to get the therapy i need. i have no idea what to do now. i am so depressed. i have horrible thoughts anymore, thoughts i wish would just go away. i feel like they are going to have to commit me soon if i do not get help. no one understands what it is like. my husband is getting so frustrated with me. he tries to be supportive but i can tell he is at a loss too. i am so afraid i am going to lose everything. i have now become an insomniac also. this just adds to it. all i want to do is stay in bed, but i do not sleep. please someone tell me what to do. i am at a loss. thank you for listening. jen

i know it will be impossible for you to beleive this at the moment,but things can get better.ive had these problems for 15 years now,but i am getting better all the time.please dont think i am trying to gloat,i just want to give you some hope and encouragement for the future.i was 21 when it started,(i went through a series of traumatic events which lead to it).at first i was so afraid,that i couldnt even sleep in my own bedroom alone,and i would sleep on my mums bedroom floor.i couldnt go out,and i couldnt even be left alone in the house,and even with a safe person with me,i was still constantly scared.i couldnt sleep,and there were even certain words that i couldnt say,or write down.i am now at a place whre i do private cleaning jobs,(as im still unable to do a proper job),i learnt to drive,i go out with friends,although im still confined to my home town,i go on holiday with my boyfriend,which i admit is hard,and i still cant brave going on an aeroplane again although i have done since having agoraphobia.im just trying to show you that it isnt all hopeless,there is always hope.i know all this may seem a million miles away from you right now ,but it is possible.i still have more restrictions than i care for,and it has been a very long and difficut journey, and i know i still have a long way to go ,but i know that there is light at the end of the tunnel,and i want you all to know that.i really do wish you all the best.

[angie]

hello jen. i so feel for you. i grew up with an agoraphobic,my mother. the teachers at school said she did'nt care about us as she never went to parents evenings ect. my agoraphobia started at,i guess,around 17.can't be sure.it seems like one day it's there.i thought my world was ending every day. for about 5 years i lived this way,not even looking out of the window. everything became something to be afraid of and not going out was my way of living.i finally went to the doctors and chose therapy instead of drugs. i knew i was messed up enough even though i was desperate for that ''miracle''cure. my therapist explained to me why all these fears and symptoms were with me and that it was all very real but it was my mnd that was making me do it in the first place. i thought she didn't know what she was talking about.she wasn't me.she was ok to live a life like everyone else. after a year my sessions stopped.by then i was pregnant and so afraid of what was to come.i was a mess and i felt so sorry for this baby inside me.i didn't want to put me on him if you see what i mean? i had to have a c section and this was one of the things at the top of my 'invisible' fear list. i was then a mum and i really wanted to be 'normal'so badly.i was tired of being afraid to go to bed because i knew i'd have to get up.each day i would sit in the garden with my baby. after a few weeks this became 'easier' i then made myself take him for a walk.not far. just about 50yards up the road.i could still see my house.this too became easier.i did not want my son seeing his mum afraid and i realised that if my mind made me so afraid then i must have a very strong mind! now i'm in my 30's and live a life where i refuse to ''go back there'' don't get me wrong, i still do have sudden panicks but i just tell myself,''no,i'm not doing that again''. i am still very frightened of motortway driving and that's what demon i have to fight now but i've got to a point where i am proud of going into town and being alone while doing it. believe me. you can make your life better.you're not alone.far from it.my way was tiny steps that grew into leaps.we can live. we really can.xxxxangie.

[DP]

Angie that is a great story and an inspiration to all us agoraphobics.
JGNJS as a mother of 3 myself i know how guilty and depressing it can make you feel. Take one day at a time, try to get help who can visit you at home. I have a doctor come out and he just sits and chats and that helps tons,pity it cant be more frequent than every 3 months.
If your neighbour is doing your shopping have you tried going to your neighbours house for a coffee/tea? i did this and she knows if i just get up its panic time and she understands when i have to get out quick.
Dont put pressure on yourself just do it slowly.
Take care DP.

[mindie_2mk]

I have been dealing with alot of the same things for yrs but I can go out as long as my kids are with me. Then I can kinda zone on them and ignore the rest of the world

[stone9091]

nice sharing ...... carry on