This is humiliating for me to write,I've never said it out loud.

Ever since I was a child things have happened to me. When I was in nursery(I was 4 or 5) a kid held me down in in a corner outside and put his hand down...I assume you can guess where,at least once. And my house was across the street,I could see my bedroom window as that was happening to me.
I was assaulted as a child by another child.
I was a little girl. Except...,I dunno something wasn't quite right about me(I apologise as I may wrote an essay here).
My parents weren't the type of people to want children. When I was born they weren't even living together,they didn't till months after I was born. I remember asking them if they loved/liked each other and they didn't answer. I believe my mother has an emotional condition(Don't know what exactly),she was the 2nd last of 8 siblings and her caregiver for the most part was an elder sister when growing up. She even said she was probably an accident giving her mothers age. She had me young with a person she didn't know that well. My dad,well...he worked,he always provided for his family that I cant deny. But his being very pissed off at it is something I cant(he drank,told me he cheated on my mother and bragged about taking drugs). He and my mother at times seemed like they couldn't stand each other.
I don't remember much of my childhood. In a nutshell all I can say is it was negative.
At age 10 I was beaten up on a beach I lived near and went to alot. Dad asked if it was because I was a spaz,mother made out like it was nothing.
They bullied me,I fantasised about killing myself from an early age. I got very bad acne at far to an early age,instead of trying to help like a parent they said I wasn't normal,I was an ugly weirdo.
My point is I was rejected and treat awfully my own parents. And its a pattern that's carried on.
All through out school, I was tortured for being a freak.
My "friends" told me I was ugly.
The closest thing I've had to a relationship I was treat like shit and was nearly forced to have sex.(Didn't happen,thankfully)
Places I've worked I was laughed at,talked down to. I wasn't ever a person. And also out of nowhere a co-worker assaulted me,I did noting something I hate myself for.
I bring out the worse in anyone. I'm nothing,something to be used,laughed at for others amusement.
Nothing good has ever happened to me. I sometimes want...something. But all I get is bad. I don't belong here. But I'm scared to kill myself.