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  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    US
    Posts
    86

    i'm losing it. (it's just life)

    it's been quite a while since i've actually written anything on here...god is anybody else stressed? but actually though, like so stressed you think you might cry? overwhelmed, to the point of tears, with life? i don't know what i'm trying to say or do here, but as long as there is one person who can read this and understand, thats all i need.

    life is hard. like wicked fucking hard. i've never heard anyone say life is easy, which is good because that'd be a boldface lie, but it would be nice to hear someone else say "breathe you can do this," instead of me repeating it to myself over and over.

    do you ever feel fake? like one thing i'm afraid of is people finding out that maybe i'm not as amazing as they think i might be, and that scares me because i want to be someone to remember and someone to hold on to. a lot of people call me brave. looking at the things i've done, i'd say i'm pretty brave, i've held it together when i'm allowed to fall apart and that makes me strong too. but do those things hold true when i'm shaking trying to hold it together?

    going away to school was good for me. i went across the country to a whole new place and it's been amazing. i couldn't have asked for more, but damn i know i did it because i needed to get out of this small town. i feel bad that i left so many people behind to get stuck here, but moving on is a part of life and we all need to learn to do it i guess..

    which reminds me, anyone else absolutely suck at goodbyes? i go back to school in 18 days and can't wait to get back out there, but i also don't like knowing i'm leaving my friends. oh and what about emotional goodbyes? i mean saying goodbye and coming back in 3 months is one thing, but saying goodbye for like ever...and i don't mean dying, i mean moving on. i'm the worst, i can't handle it. like coming to the realization that i need to move on is so hard for me, especially when they're so close to me.

    have you ever become really emotionally attached to someone you've never met? i've done this for real once. and this is what i mean, i know it's time to move on, i understand, but i simply am having the hardest time letting go. i know for sure that there is one person who i have never lied to. like there is one person who my slate is totally clean with, and i think he knows..but i also think that means more to me than it does to him, unfortunately, and it's the person i've never met.

    it's crazy how things change, how one day can go from sunshine to rain oh so quickly...but it is part of life, and it is beautiful, sad, but a beautiful pain. it's what keeps the good times worth cherishing and the bad times worth learning from.


    i think i'm losing it. i feel like i'm falling apart at the seems and there is not one person trying to hold me together, i'm just breaking down slowly in the middle of a crowded room while everyone watches.


    phew! i really feel better after organizing my thoughts...well, have a lovely day my dears (:

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Dhaka, Bangladesh, Bangladesh
    Posts
    11
    very useful information.

 

 

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