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  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    US
    Posts
    86

    hi i'm jessica and i have confessions

    i wish i was fearless.

    i am. i know physically i am. i push myself, i'm not afraid to fall, i'm superwoman if i need to be.

    emotionally i am afraid to let go. i don't want to let go or just open up because i am afraid, correction- terrified, of getting hurt.

    sometimes i hold onto the past because it's what i know and the future just intimidates me.

    i put up a front because i need to. i am not going to just open up and tell you everything until i feel like i can. and i know when i can feel it.

    i can't fall in love because i feel like i'm not good enough, no matter what, i don't measure up, the other person is just too good.

    i over think like i'm getting paid for it.

    i will go to the ends of the earth to please you even if it's breaking my heart...again because you're better so you deserve it.

    i'm inpatient and can be unkind. i can be as mean as words will allow me if i feel like i need to. i regret it later, even if i say i don't, even if i apologize and you forgive me, i feel hurt from it.

    oh god, i am a mess! i do not have my shit together and i don't know whats going on in my mind.

    i know that in the back of my mind i am in denial, and i'm typing all this realizing it hasn't really hit me yet.

    fuck i frustrate myself! i am my own problem. i get in my own way. i trip i fall i crash i burn i repeat.

    but i'm my own solution...



    and my question stands--how does one truly love themselves? please tell me the secret, i'm desperate.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    11
    Holy shit that sounds like me accept im a man of course so superman lol We know our flaws and are honest about it think that might be our salvation know thou self because now that i think about it because of you i just realised that we are our own worst critic but we also know our strengths so focus on the fact that we aint bad people just lost in a sea of doubt and use our honesty about ourselves to fill out sail with the good things about ourselves to sail us out of this fear tornado we created and hit some solid ground

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    US
    Posts
    86
    it's the worst, because i'll be feeling really good for a while and then fall back into a tornado of negativity and then get back up and fall again, and it seems like such a vicious cycle that i can't stop. honestly i feel powerless to myself sometimes, like i just can't control my mind for the life of me...

 

 

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