I was referred here by a friend.
I have a whole list of mental health issues, many of which are related to anxiety. I think the anxiety may partly stem from my autism symptoms.
Trouble is, I can't really be sure of anything. I've yet to be diagnosed, as any time I seek help is interrupted when I'm forced to move for reasons beyond my control. After fleeing an abusive relationship, I find myself in a state with really terrible mental health care. There are no low-income mental health services for people without medicaid. I am insured, but even with insurance seeing a therapist would cost a couple hundred dollars a session, and I am currently without income. There is also the issue that in this state, there are no doctors who are willing to diagnose autism over the age of ten (not sure if this is a law or some weird cultural hangup?) So Any help I did get would be given under the automatic assumption that I'm neurotypical, which I feel would be counterproductive and possibly harmful.
I am possibly speaking to a disability lawyer soon, in which case I may be able to diagnosed as it's done on the national level, but I don't actually know how that works. In the meantime I've been distracting myself by looking for work, which has proven to be futile, despite putting my best efforts and applying everywhere no one is willing to hire me.
Basically I'm just sort of lost and don't what what's going to happen next. I feel stuck in my current situation. I frequently entertain thoughts of becoming a vagabond and walking off to my presumed death. I'm just so tired of all the waiting. feels like I've been waiting my whole life and I don't even know what for. Waiting for something to start, something to happen. I frequently feel as if my life is not my own. Just lost and trapped and don't know what to do.