Not sure where to start.

[IceKingStaticScene]

I was referred here by a friend.

I have a whole list of mental health issues, many of which are related to anxiety. I think the anxiety may partly stem from my autism symptoms.

Trouble is, I can't really be sure of anything. I've yet to be diagnosed, as any time I seek help is interrupted when I'm forced to move for reasons beyond my control. After fleeing an abusive relationship, I find myself in a state with really terrible mental health care. There are no low-income mental health services for people without medicaid. I am insured, but even with insurance seeing a therapist would cost a couple hundred dollars a session, and I am currently without income. There is also the issue that in this state, there are no doctors who are willing to diagnose autism over the age of ten (not sure if this is a law or some weird cultural hangup?) So Any help I did get would be given under the automatic assumption that I'm neurotypical, which I feel would be counterproductive and possibly harmful.

I am possibly speaking to a disability lawyer soon, in which case I may be able to diagnosed as it's done on the national level, but I don't actually know how that works. In the meantime I've been distracting myself by looking for work, which has proven to be futile, despite putting my best efforts and applying everywhere no one is willing to hire me.

Basically I'm just sort of lost and don't what what's going to happen next. I feel stuck in my current situation. I frequently entertain thoughts of becoming a vagabond and walking off to my presumed death. I'm just so tired of all the waiting. feels like I've been waiting my whole life and I don't even know what for. Waiting for something to start, something to happen. I frequently feel as if my life is not my own. Just lost and trapped and don't know what to do.

[matt2424]

hey names matt... just wana tell you that your going to do just fine... i dont know your situtation but as far as i can see.,.. u seem to be going thru alot..... i suffer from panic attacks and the pain is highly intense.... but i just wana tell you that there is hope in this life that we live in... Jesus Christ saved my life i am a christian but when i say that i mean it 100%...just because i serve God doesnt make my problems go away... your sufferings lonelyness hard times in life, even your security when u die where will you go.... these are question that head my head rocking cuzz i was at the bottom of the pit looking for answers couldnt find them anywhere..... just wana let you know confess that Jesus Christ is lord and that he died on the cross and rose again..... ask for forgiveness of your sins and walk in the path that he has made for you,,,, you wont change yourself i tried that and failed... God will change your hert and will be there till the end even when its hard or you feel like giving up... keep running to him.... i will pray for you...Godbless

[IceKingStaticScene]

Funny you should mention that. Reminds me that I'm actually in a slightly better position than I was living with my conservative Christian family who didn't believe in mental illness and refused to get me treatment. Or when my partner and I were staying with her friend who kicked us out on the street because "god told him to" (really he was just uncomfortable with us being queer). Some of the many reasons I actually find some solace in nihilism.

While I'm aware that you have good intentions, let me remind you that the road to hell is paved with them. I somehow doubt the solution to feeling out of control of my life is to surrender what little control I have left to some higher power, so that when I die I can be an eternal thought-slave. I came to this website looking for actual support, solutions, and advice, not to be told that it will magically get better if I surrender my soul to YHWH. Thanks but no thanks.

[matt2424]

hey just trying to show the love of Jesus Christ.... im not here to judge you.... the only true support is God... do u think i actually erve him just because i have the worst panic attacks ever or because i need a crutch.... i hope you get better with your anxiety.... God bless you

[IceKingStaticScene]

Hail Satan!