Daisy Girl

[Daisy Girl]

Hello everyone

My name is Daisy and this is my first post. I wanted to try out a chat room to get some help and advice from people in a similar situation. I am married to a wonderful man who I believe has panic disorder. It hasn't been formally diagnosed but I've done a lot of reading and research and am convinced that he has this condition. The area where I need help and advice is how best to help him and myself. He has told me that when he's having a panic attack I should leave him alone, act normally, do as he says and not draw attention to his distress by asking what's wrong and offering help. However, following his last panic attack he has berated me for doing just that and not accompanying him out of the sports arena where we were. In short, I am maligned if I do as asked and maligned if I don't. However, the main issue for me is his hostility, lack of insight into his behaviour and how it impacts negatively on our marriage. In short he blames me for his feelings and says my behaviour is at fault.e. you are my problem, your hormones are to blame, you are never happy, you are too demanding, you never listen, you're a control freak, everything has to be your way, you make me stressed etc. He is resistant to seeking help as he doesn't think he needs it. On the contrary he believes I need help. I desperately want to help him and myself so that we can resume the happy, close relationship we once had. Firstly, is the above typical of someone with panic disorder and what can I do when the person I love doesn't want to help himself. I would appreciate any insight, feedback, thoughts, help and advice. Many thanks...Daisy X

[Zoeee20]

Hello everyone

My name is Daisy and this is my first post. I wanted to try out a chat room to get some help and advice from people in a similar situation. I am married to a wonderful man who I believe has panic disorder. It hasn't been formally diagnosed but I've done a lot of reading and research and am convinced that he has this condition. The area where I need help and advice is how best to help him and myself. He has told me that when he's having a panic attack I should leave him alone, act normally, do as he says and not draw attention to his distress by asking what's wrong and offering help. However, following his last panic attack he has berated me for doing just that and not accompanying him out of the sports arena where we were. In short, I am maligned if I do as asked and maligned if I don't. However, the main issue for me is his hostility, lack of insight into his behaviour and how it impacts negatively on our marriage. In short he blames me for his feelings and says my behaviour is at fault.e. you are my problem, your hormones are to blame, you are never happy, you are too demanding, you never listen, you're a control freak, everything has to be your way, you make me stressed etc. He is resistant to seeking help as he doesn't think he needs it. On the contrary he believes I need help. I desperately want to help him and myself so that we can resume the happy, close relationship we once had. Firstly, is the above typical of someone with panic disorder and what can I do when the person I love doesn't want to help himself. I would appreciate any insight, feedback, thoughts, help and advice. Many thanks...Daisy X

Hi I'm Zoe and suffer from anxiety, depression and panic disorder! I believe he could may be experiencing some sort of panic disorder. Im not a doctor but when he is having an attack it is best not to fuss around him. Make sure you dont leave him alone because you being there will comfort him. He's getting frustrated because he probably doesn't know what's causing him to have an attack and it's normal to take it out on the closest people to you (just like I did)! You's have just got to work together x

[Daisy Girl]

Thank you so much Zoe for that insight. I really appreciate it. I will make sure I stick with him, despite his protests, when he's having an attack and will try to remember how frustrated he feels and just reassure him that I love him no matter what and we will work together. Sometimes you just need the obvious reinforced but your advice was so valuable. XXX

[IceKingStaticScene]

Well if I was in the middle of a panic attack, the last thing I would want is to be left alone in a big crowded place like a sports arena. If you're in a strange or crowded place, your best bet would be to stick with him. If you two are at home, it would be best to give him some space and let him be alone somewhere comfortable for a while. Maybe check in on him from time to time to make sure he's not hurting himself.

It definitely sounds like he needs professional help. Have him talk to a doctor, or failing that, talk to one yourself and see what your options are.

[Daisy Girl]

Thank you very much for your advice. Part of the difficulty I'm experiencing is that he is resistant to get help and one minute he'll advise me to leave him alone and then he'll tell me off for leaving him alone. The mixed messages make it hard to know how best to help him. I think I will contact a helpline to see what my options are as persuading him to get help is not an option at the moment. He's very proud but I do appreciate your suggestions.