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  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Jul 2012
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    3

    advice on dating?

    Hello - I hope this is an appropriate forum to ask my questions - if it is not my sincire apologies. I shall remove the post right away.

    I met this guy through friends. I knew he was agoraphobic when I met him, and he was very very shy (until he had a few drinks anyway!) We found out we had loads in common and were just as "weird" as each other i.e taste in films and music.

    I started messageing him (cos he cant make first moves) and he started to message back, and we developed our friendship. I heard from our friends that he had feelings for me and had no clue or confidence with what to do.

    This week, we have spent pretty much all day everyday together, him staying at mine (just cos it was easier then him walking home) and meeting up. I found out that when he met me in town it was the first time he had walked there on his own in years, and this was the first time he had every stayed away from home for more then a night. He would text me to chat - only 1 other person has his number.

    Im worried that he is pushing himself too hard and that i am enableing him and setting him up to fail - I'm worried about pushing him too much unknowingly, but I also dont want to patronise him ( i am a stupidly postive person and that can sometimes comes across that i am making light of serious issues) . I'm worried if I did fully commite to a relationship with him, it could be unfair on him as I would pretty much hold all the cards...I do really like him, and honestly have never clicked with someone as much as I have and I have told him I felt I could have strong feelings for him (which he was happy about). A part of me likes being the one "in control" but a part of me is scared that I would have to take on all his issues which I do not want to do.

    I supose I am asking if if thhis could be a healthy relationship - or if it could end up doing him more harm then good? or does is this just a typical boy meets girl thing and i'm reading too much into it? is there any advice or common mistakes to avoid? Or is this maybe just the right time for him to try new things, and put into practice all the coping techniques he has?

    I am so worried as i really care for him and do not want to do anything that could make him doubt himself more.

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    10
    Yikes kinda hard situation. But If he wants to make changes that's up to him not you. Maybe you can ask him if he wants to do this or that. If he wants to then great. If not then ok. But I can't tell you if dating him is a good idea or not sadly. You can't expect people to answer your questions on love. this guy seems odd and ok. as long as he's not abusive and etc then great. but do realize if this is going to be a problem for you in the future. if you think you can deal with him then great. if he can't deal with you then he will not want to be involved with you sadly. that's life. but if you want to help then do it on his terms. but really he has to help himself!

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    9
    Why not have sex, it's a good way to sus people out.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    10
    Its totally depends on him If he want change than its a good thing otherwise if you want change you can also do that.But you need to realize him that you want change in his character.I am sure you get the desire result from him.But it need a lot of effort to change a person mind.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    10
    go for it, i dont think it would be more harm than good, in my opinion you are already helping him.

  6. #6
    Hi Argh2012,

    It looks as if you are facing a dillema at the moment , on the one hand you feel excited about this new relationship and you seem to really like the guy but on the other hand you worry if this relationship will ever worked considering the issues your friend/boyfriend is facing. Unfortunately nobody can really tell what is the right think to do, but you do. I am sure you had that initial gut feeling/intuition when you initially met and that first , and very first feeling is the one we usually ignore but would be so much better off if we trust it and followed it. Do you remember what it was? How it felt? It also looks a little bit as if you are looking for reassurance, for someone to tell you that everything will be fine and the relationship will work but again, none of us knows more that you. In fact you know best. You seem to really worry and care about this guy, and that's great! I hope things will work out great for you two, but you also seem to be overprotective towards this guy and this is understandable indeed but than on the other hand if you are grown ups, your man should be able to make decision for himself and take care of himself. Do not worry to much than! Let yourself enjoy this relationship if you decide that that's what you want to do and good luck!

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    11
    I think your the best thing thats happened to him go for it

 

 

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