Hey everyone. I came upon this site today in an effort to find some support for my continuing depression. I'm learning more and more about it and how it seems to work with me and I wish that gave me a leg up on it, so to speak. Right now things are worse because my husband is out of town on business and I'm home alone with 2 kids under 4. I'm also taking classes toward my bachelor's degree in child development which I should graduate in November. All of these good things in my life should outweigh the negatives, but truth is, I've been practicing being depressed my entire life. I think my first anxiety/depression symptoms probably showed up before I started school, but my 4th grade year I really struggled. Things got worse and worse the older I got and I have attempted to attempt suicide twice in my life, though not recently. I'm not currently suicidal, but I do have negative thoughts about "what if the knife just slipped" while chopping food for dinner. I would really like to stop these thoughts ultimately and learn to find happiness no matter what. I understand, however that the 'normal' happiness levels I'm looking for might not be attainable. I hope that I can at least cope and in the long run, get better. I don't want my kids' only memories of me to be with my face in my hands, crying.
Nice to meet everyone.