new here and looking for advice and someone to talk to

[lilpeach]

hi i am new to forums and chat but i thought id try it. i will start by saying i struggle with anxiety and have for a while now. i went through the program attacking anxiety and depression a few years back and it helped alot. the problem now is starting back up. it mainly revolves around my boyfriend... he is the sweetest person and in my heart i know he would never hurt me yet i am starting to over and over hurt him which im afraid will ruin my relationship. i was in several mentally and physically abusive relationships in which one of the things the tended to do to me was sneek behind me and contact exs of theirs or join online sex chats and were constantly flirting with other girls... i know my new bf would not do these things to me yet i continuously question him on who girls are on his facebook and always questioning him about pictures or if he tells me a story im always so nervous that he was with an ex or another girl.. this is starting to affect my relationship and i do not want to ruin the best thing that has happened to me. when i see a new post to him from a girl or if his phone makes a noise or if i see him sitting and on his phone i start getting so nervous and filled with anxiety... sometimes i try and stop myself from asking who he was talking to or what he was doing and somehow i just cant stop myself even though i know it will cause us to fight and him to feel hurt and disapointed in me...i know my problem may seem very small compared to other bigger problems out there but if anyone out there could talk to me and possibly help me i would be forever thankful...i dont want my dream come true turn into a distant memory all because i am having anxiety and self worth issues.... thank you for taking the time to read my post

[MeaE]

Hi
Reading your post touched my heart, I know exactly how you feel, have you thought about talking to someone about your trust issues?
I have been in a relationship for 5 years with someone I love so much and want to be with but my own destructive behaviour similar to yours
has damaged our relationship. I am only now seeking counselling for my trust issues and wish I had done it sooner. I have spent years looking
through his stuff when he's not home and questioning him like crazy and it only made my anxiety much worse and put a wedge between us.

[lilpeach]

hi and thank you for responding yes i very much want to talk to someone only problem is i am no longer talking to the one person i ever used to talk to about this type of thing and i am not close enough with my family to talk to them.. i tried looking up different counselors or therapists but it looks like they all cost money unless i have state ins and right now we cant afford the money for that...i am so nervous i will push him away and he really does love me and want to be with me..all i want is to relax and trust but im just so afraid he will contact a girl or they will text or facebook message him... thats why i thought maybe a forum like this could offer some help. i feel so silly and stupid sometimes when i think this stuff.. his bday is in a few days and im already nervous about what girls are going to be sending messages on fb and if he will secretly message them even just to say thanks... its like i dont want any girl other than his family to talk to him because im afraid he will start talking to them or have something with them that we dnt have... i dnt know what to do or how to stop myself until i can afford a therapist

[MeaE]

Hey
I know your pain, I am now just relearning to trust again after I found out he was talking to girls on line.
But you have to convince your self that human being are social beings and there is a huge difference between chatting with a girl on line and cheating on you. I have been cheated on before and you find out eventually. I never snooped or care what he did and he cheated on me and I found out and I moved on.The initial shock was hard to deal with but I didn't spend months or years making my self sick over the wondering and suspecting. Now i think because of that with my current man, i can't stop wanting to snoop but it just causes me more anxiety and him hurt feelings when he finds out.
It helps me to think "of course he knows other women , he did have a life before me, and i had a life before him, with other men" but he has made that special commitment to be one with you and you have to believe that you are worth it after all he choose to be with you.
I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow, if i get any good advice I will pass it on to you

[lilpeach]

oh thank you so much! i have to get off the comp now but wanted to respond to you... yes i would love to hear from you and share more stories.. i try to tell my self those things all the time it just is so hard to stop myself even tho i know the pain n hurt it will cause and then i feel like crap for the few seconds i spend asking a question that makes me feel good for just that tiny second...its like a drug or something have a great day and ill talk to you soon! good luck tomorrow!

[s1mpl33m33]

Hey, i wanna rite something, but i dnt no were to start, it seems so hard and pointless, but i'm reaching out for anything the world can offer atm...

[lilpeach]

what is wrong? im new here and reaching out for some help too... i tried to send a personal message to someone else on here and i dnt think it would let me because im new but if you dont feel comfortable posting it you can try to message me...

[MeaE]

it says you have to make 10 post before you can contact a member privately ....

[s1mpl33m33]

thankx, i dnt realli mind.. i just feel so lost.. i don't no, its hard to sum up in words, i jus want it to stop, nd yesterdai my last peice of thread was cut nd im fallin nd fallin...

[lilpeach]

if your really freaking out maybe try a dr if you can... i will as soon as i get ins or some extra money to go...also try to get on the chat on here..i was on there earlier n everyone was very friendly