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Thread: My Fears

  1. #1
    Member
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    Feb 2012
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    South-western, Ontario
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    My Fears

    I've been really working hard at trying to get better and I believe I've narrowed down my fears to a few things. First of all both my doctor and my therapist have said I have PTSD... and I know that CBT is the best thing to treat that. When you're good, its ok. But when you crash, you crash hard! Or at least I do.

    I'm afraid I'll develop heart disease (my sister has had problems since she was born with her heart), blood clot (my husband during his cancer treatment), cancer (my husband again, among others), or aneurysm (my 2nd cousin and my great Aunt).

    I know it takes practice to focus on something different rather than how I'm feeling every second of every day. And I know all this worrying and anxiety is only hurting my health more. I just get so scared sometimes... I spend most of my time at home and that's where my problems seem to be. When I'm out some where, I feel fine! For the most part. It's when I'm at home that I get the anxiety and notice the physical symptoms like increased heart rate. And it usually starts about an hour after I get home from some where. It's horrible at night. I have problems sleeping, I feel so tired most of the time, and that only makes me more anxious. I guess I'm just really frustrated right now, I feel like I've plateau'd in my recovery and I'm not sure where to go from here or what else to do.
    When the world says, "Give up,"
    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    -unknown

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    South-western, Ontario
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    Another day feelin' like crap. The last half decent day I had was February 16. No wonder I'm really feeling it! I'm not sleeping, and the monkey is on my back again. It's so hard to come up when you're down. It's easier to stay up once you get there. At least for me it is. Sleep and food may do me some good. I don't go to my therapist until next week. 3 weeks is way too long to go in between visits.
    When the world says, "Give up,"
    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    -unknown

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    South-western, Ontario
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    I am afraid of the process of dying. When the fear grips you from a panic attack, it's paralyzing and crippling. Iwant to enjoy my life and my children again.... so tired. So very very tired.
    When the world says, "Give up,"
    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    -unknown

  4. #4
    Member
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    Feb 2012
    Location
    South-western, Ontario
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    I feel so lousy every day! It's been 3 weeks since I saw my therapist. I get to go see her tomorrow. I hope there's something we can do to get me past this soon. My chest is tight, my jaw muscles are tight. I have a head ache brewing. And I'm just plain old exhausted! I can't keep up with the house work, and I'm considering renting my house out and moving into a smaller place so that I can better manage to keep up. It may just be the change I need to get past this.
    When the world says, "Give up,"
    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    -unknown

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    South-western, Ontario
    Posts
    36
    I'm so sick of this! I feel like crap and there's not a darn thing wrong with me! I was up all dang night, and went to emerg again this morning. I spent an hour talking to the crisis counsellor (who I already know and have met with serveral times) and after I felt better. I managed through the rest of the day until SURPRISE! 1 hour after I got home from picking up the kids, then it hits me. And I'm supposed to just move on, and forget about it.

    I feel like I'm a kid in school. And every day for the last 7 months this bully beats the crap out of me after school. And when I try to get help, everyone says "what bully? there's no bully" ... wtf!
    When the world says, "Give up,"
    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    -unknown

  6. #6
    Junior Member
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    Jan 2012
    Location
    Cambridgeshire, Uk
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    12
    Sher the only way is up xx

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    South-western, Ontario
    Posts
    36
    I went away with my children for a few days. It was the first time I went that far without another adult. We went and stayed with my husbands cousin. The entire time I was gone I was pretty much fine. Had a great time. Now that I'm home and it's night time... I'm terrified! Again. My home at night seems to be the only place I have this problem. I'm so frustrated. I was mostly fine at night at the cousins, it makes no sense to me to be like this at home. I'm almost at my wits end with this and I can't see my therapist for another month!
    When the world says, "Give up,"
    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    -unknown

 

 

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