I know no one will read it.

[PurpleFairy]

I am paranoid. I know today that I am annoying and invisible. So although I do not expect anyone to read this or even respond I simply needed to write it down so that I knew it happened. It's not my imagination, well ok so I know it is. Just because its in someones head doesnt mean its not real to that person. So sure go ahead ignore me like I am invisible, go ahead and think I am annoying and simply posting for attention. I know what everyone thinks about me. It wont matter how many times you say its not true I will still think it. I am just glad that I am not around people or I would be hearing the voices too. I know I am paranoid, that doesnt mean I still dont react to it. I cant control it. It controls me. I suppose that when I am in control is when it will no longer be as big of an issue. End paranoid rant.

[lilgoth89]

well i hope you dont feel ignored here. ive read it through.
i know that there isnt really much i can say as you said yourself, your paranoia will still think it
so ill just say that if there is anything that i can do to help ( even if thats just ranting at my inbox )
then feel free to
your not invisible to us purplefairy

[PurpleFairy]

thanks
sometimes it helps a little to just get it out. Seeing it in writing often makes you realize how unreasonable you sound and to think it through. While that doesnt make it go away it makes it a little bit easier to ignore. If that makes sense.

[AliceInChains]

Paranoia - I've never really thought about it like that before.
Sure, I sometimes have to go around the house and close all the window curtains...and be on the lookout every time I step a foot outside my house...and maybe triple-check the house alarm and doors every night.
But since 9/11, haven't most of us lived in a state of constant terror? Isn't the state of crisis the new normal?
Perhaps that's the new excuse...for some of us.
For others, it's being on high alert every other moment about nothing realistically threatening...or is it?

That's paranoia...being unsure of things, people, yourself.
It's the hardest thing not being able to trust yourself when you need it the most.
I mean, what can be harder than that?

[PurpleFairy]

LOL you have window curtains that are open. I wish. I had curtains up with blankets over them in my last apartment so that no light would show out so people wouldnt even know I was home. I dont even notice locking the doors because its automatic that as soon as I come in they get locked. People don't knock on my door, they call first or I wont answer, because the way I see it, if they dont know me enough to call first then why should I answer. Of course I live with my cousin now and she has blinds, which as if that wasnt bad enough they sometime open them up. I dont often realize how paranoid I have become until I start thinking about it. Then I realize how bad its gotten. I find myself lately thinking about it all because I have started therapy, which even the therapist office didnt get my home address they got my mothers to send mail too. My own cousin called once and asked for my address, I asked her why she needed it, and once again gave my own cousin my mothers address. I do not watch the news, I get to agitated when its on. As for 9-11 I think the rest of the country spends enough time worrying it to death so I tend to leave that alone.
Sometimes my paranoia gets the better of me. Well let me rephrase that it always gets the better of me, just sometimes I know its getting the better of me, while others I dont. Its when I cant make myself realize my paranoia that its hard to deal with.

[atremblay]

To be honest I'm not really sure what the point of your post is. You say you will get ignore,d obviously this isn't true, and that you're annoying. Since I just know this one post by you, I'm not sure about the 2nd point! Paranoia is really dangerous and difficult! Please keep in mind that there exist so many people on earth and not all of them will judge you!

[PurpleFairy]

I know paranoia is dangerous and difficult. So are the moods swings I have. I was in a paranoid state when I wrote it, and then it got better. Mine gets better and worse depending on situation as well as my mood swings. Once I realize I am not being ignored its easier for me to tell myself its my imagination and I can get past it till the next episode. The point to any Ranting post is simply to get it off your chest. Thats why its called a rant.

[lilgoth89]

you had a rant, and you shouldnt feel the need to explain your need to rant
i hope your feeling a little better now purplefairy, and remember we are always here to talk to or rant at
i can understand your mood swings as i have those myself, mine arent as bad as yours seem to be, but know that people can understand a little of what you go throuh
as i said...i hope your feeling much better, rember to refer back to messages of support during a bad time
--massive cyber hugs--
were here for you