Tokophobia is ruining my life

[LosingSight]

Hello!

I have tokophobia- a fear of pregnancy and vaginal childbirth.

Let me start from the beginning. I have a family history of horrific birth experiences resulting in long term complications like colostomies. In addition to that, I was treated very inappropriately by a male doctor as a teenager which led me to become extremely phobic about intimate medical examinations.

My phobia was always there but it has grown over the last two years and has taken over my life to the point that I am failing school. I find it difficult to look at pregnant women and babies because I have images of stirrups and forceps in my head.

I know that I will have to have children eventually, because my future husband will probably want them and I guess so will I at some point. But the idea petrifies me!!

I hate the thought of being in labour for hours and being examined by different strangers. I hate the thought of having such little privacy and dignity I also hate how patronising and bossy the medical staff gets. I am very against interventions such forceps and ventouse and I have nightmares about requiring them.

This is taking over my life. If a doctor could guarantee me a c section at all costs I would do it.

I keep having strange thoughts that elective c sections will be banned and that I will be too far along in labour by the time I get to the hospital to have a c section and they will force me to deliver naturally.

I also fear complications in pregnancy like gestational diabetes and melasma ( brown spots on the face). I have always suffered from low body image and the thought of stretch marks and saggy boobs makes me physically sick because my body is already so imperfect. I am petrified of developing incontinence, uterine prolapse and sexual dysfunction like the women in my family.

In short- I would be happy to get a tubal ligation NOW and adopt when the time comes. But I know this may not be possible since my future husband may feel differently.

I can't afford therapy at the moment and my situation is going from bad to worse.

[edorn01]

Hunny i am 21 and had my daughter when i was 19 with my fiance. I mean i think about the exact same thing you do, the other night i was laying oin bed wondering if when i decide to have another child, that am i going to end up being that one case that doctors see me die during or after my birth etc. i run through everything in my head. But you just have to tell you self and I know it is extremely hard believe me I have a fear of elevators and it is trying to overtake me again, but i am not going to allow it. You just have to believe in yourself and not worry about it.

[LosingSight]

Hi edorn, thanks for your reply.Actually, dying during the birth is not exactly what I'm afraid of because it's so rare for that to happen. I'm more concerned about the exposure, lack of privacy, and long term complications like incontinence , colostomies, prolapse and perineal damage.

[edorn01]

Yeah i understand, but that does not always happen niether, I understand that you have a family history of that happening, but that is not always the case! Pregnacy is a very terrify yet amazing part of life, like maybe if you think of it this way....

Your mom gave birth to you without worry about all of the things you are phobic about...right, if it was not for her you wouldn't be here, and a woman puts her body through hell to bring a child into this world, for better or worst!

But yeah i know where you are coming from, i was just staing some of my fears....

How old are you? Maybe you should talk to a gynocologists and just get everything cleared up that is on your mind. It does help in order to just know what can and can't and see what your risks are! i always call my doctor if i believe i have a or am going to have a problem!