my experience

[gunbunny1980]

my experience began really simple my unit was in iraq to take basra we wer in a harbour area just on the outskirts i remember looking round and had butterflies in my stomach cause things just got real ther was thousands of us and knew that it was going to happen thers nothing worse than ur own mind playing tricks on u for me it was the not knowing wondering wats going to happen after we returned to uk i started being sick and was a the doctors constantly for stomach bugs and then during parades i started standing at the back cause i thought ppl wer watching me and started making excuses to avoid dental checkups etc then we went to afghanistan we wer returning from a patrol when we saw a huge ball of red mist shoot into the air the vehicle i was in flipped an i was thrown under it wer i broke my legs i came back to uk for treatment thats wen i started to get really paranoid to the extent i started taking panic attacks and flashbacks the flashbacks are only scary as theyv happened even when i was daydreaming i stopped eating lost a massive amount of weight thats when 1 day i was taken to hospital for a diagnosis i spent 6 months in psych ward thats when they diagnosed me with ptsd iv been home now for 9 weeks and in that 9 weeks iv been arrested twice where i was taken to hospital im having treatment with doctors and drugs but now my confidence is shot to peices i dnt leave the house

[allydolally]

my experience began really simple my unit was in iraq to take basra we wer in a harbour area just on the outskirts i remember looking round and had butterflies in my stomach cause things just got real ther was thousands of us and knew that it was going to happen thers nothing worse than ur own mind playing tricks on u for me it was the not knowing wondering wats going to happen after we returned to uk i started being sick and was a the doctors constantly for stomach bugs and then during parades i started standing at the back cause i thought ppl wer watching me and started making excuses to avoid dental checkups etc then we went to afghanistan we wer returning from a patrol when we saw a huge ball of red mist shoot into the air the vehicle i was in flipped an i was thrown under it wer i broke my legs i came back to uk for treatment thats wen i started to get really paranoid to the extent i started taking panic attacks and flashbacks the flashbacks are only scary as theyv happened even when i was daydreaming i stopped eating lost a massive amount of weight thats when 1 day i was taken to hospital for a diagnosis i spent 6 months in psych ward thats when they diagnosed me with ptsd iv been home now for 9 weeks and in that 9 weeks iv been arrested twice where i was taken to hospital im having treatment with doctors and drugs but now my confidence is shot to peices i dnt leave the house

Hi Gunbunny

OMG you have gone through the mill havent you.

What you have gone through in the past is only to be expected. I cannot imagine going through what you have gone through.

You have described in your post every emotion that people go through in these c***umstances. Dont worry you are not alone and joining this forum Im sure will help you gain your confidence back and will also help you to learn to love yourself again.

We all espect low self esteem in childhood, but it does seem harder when we are adults.

Learn to love yourself again and with the help of the drugs and doctors you will get there.

Take Care

Ally

[Colourgirl]

Hello gunbunny1980,

Wow, your experience is shocking just to read. I can't imagine where my mind would be now if I went through what you went through. And as if to add insult to injury, the flashbacks and the anxiety and paranoia must be hell for you to go through. It won't be like this forever. Your body is reacting normally to an abnormal event, and don't forget that. I'm so sorry that you feel so broken inside, but there is a point of rebuilding. It just comes with the territory even though that doesn't seem likely.

Give yourself lots of time and space to process what you went through and heal up. I'm so glad that you are under doctors' care, and though healing comes so slow, it does happen. You will find, as you put yourself back together, that you will come back stronger, and with your confidence building on something more solid after having been through what you have gone through. Take care of yourself. And thank you so much for sharing.

Colourgirl