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Thread: jokes

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    A man asked a passer-by: 'What's the quickest way to York?'
    'Are you driving or walking?'
    'That's the quickest way'

    I love to pamper my wife when she's had a stressful day at work. I get her to text me as she's leaving so i can turn on the hot tap and swish the bubbles around for her, so the minute she walks through the door she can crack on with the dishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i made my girlfriends wish come true and married her in a castle........
    although you would'nt have thought it from the look on her f* face while we were bouncing around!

    a young girl left her grandma house wearing a see through top. Grandma said to her " you can't go out dressed like that". The girl said, well grandma I want my friends to see my budding roses" !
    Next day, Grandma was wearing the same top . The girl said, Grandma you can't wear that top, my friends are coming over". Grandma said " that's ok dear,they could have a look at my hanging baskets" !

    mick was taking a shower and said to paddy
    lend me your hair shampoo which he did
    this is no good said mick its for dry hair Ive just wet me head

    I was standing in line at the cash point behind a little old lady. she turned around and said, 'Excuse me young man could you check my balance for me' .. of course I can.. I pushed her over.

    Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
    They are mixing the Renault Clio and the Ford Taurus and calling it the "Clitaurus."

    It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.

    Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years.
    His glasses were smashed, his wrist was broken, his ankles were twisted and he had grazed knees ....
    Apparently she stood him up!!

    the irish equivalent of the sas were sent to take godaffi out so far they been bowling twice the cinema and the safari park......

    my wife spent 2 hours in the beauty salon
    that was for an estimate

    I never wanted to believe that my Dad stole from his job as a Road Worker, but when I got home the signs were all there!!

    The Job Interviewer asked "What's your name?" .. "Colin Fucking Bastard Wilson" .. "Do you suffer from Tourettes Colin?" .. "No, but the Vicar at my Christening did!!"

    Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.

    two little boys r arguing who,s dad is the biggest coward the first kid says my dad is so scared of lightning that when it strikes he hides under the bed thats nothing the other kid said my dad is such a wimp that when mum works night shift he gets into bed with the woman next door

    A man was at his wife's funeral and as they brought the coffin they banged the wall, and his wife woke up! Ten years later they were bringing in the coffin again, the husband said "mind that wall"!

    A glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time. He says this is Amanda. His dad jumps up "Its a ******* what??"

    its 2am in the morning and a couple are in bed when the phone starts ringing , hello the man asks ''''how the bloody hell should i know im not the weatherman!!! and slams the phone down his wife turns round an asks who it was some guy asking if the coast was clear!!

    the irish failed in attemp to send two rockets into bagdad the stick got broke on 1 and the milk bottle fell over on the other

    how do you cure homosxuality? put lipsalve on your bum ,,,,,it keeps the chaps away!!!!
    Last edited by gunbunny1980; 11-16-2011 at 06:23 AM. Reason: update

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Hattiesburg, MS
    Funny stuff Gun Bunny. In the U.S. Marines, we call Artillerymen "Gun Bunnies". I was a Mortarman. It is like small arty.. haha

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    United Kingdom




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