Can someone HELP. My son 22,suffers from social phobia

[sue56]

Hi colourgirl,well Ive decided to move in my new partner, but im so worried how my son will cope with it, but may be it will do him good,to come out of his comfort zone,just hope im
doing the right thing,will let you know how he copes with it.take care Sue

[gotoverit]

sue56,
I would like to make some unconventional suggestions and please ignore me if you choose. I'll give my mother credit for this even though our relationship was rough. She told me she found that she could not change anyone but could change herself. I have found doing things this way can change dynamics dramatically. Try explaining to him that you think that you are his problem. Probably before you start this write a list of possible ways you could have created his withdrawal and present them to him. Just lay yourself open and bare. Just see what happens.
gotoverit

[Colourgirl]

sue56,

You deserve to also have your life be fulfilled even though his does not seem like much. I think it's very healthy that you continue living life and letting him see what living life healthily looks like. Remember to take care of yourself since you are acting as a caregiver, and it can be draining.

Colourgirl

[sue56]

Hi gotoverit,
Thanks for your advise,i have thought for a long time that may be it was me that has made my son the way he is,but haven't spoke to him about it,but may be i will.you have gave me something to think about. I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you suffered or do you suffer from social phobia,just wondered because of your name,thanks again sue56

[gotoverit]

sue56,
Yes I have. I am much much better now but still relish my privacy and shy away from social events at church and so on. I think when you have had serious mental illness it leaves a scar or stigma that probably only you feel but you think you look like a purple thumb to everyone, lol.
gotoverit

[sue56]

Hi again gotoverit
Its good to hear that you are a lot better than you were,is that through outside help.or you have made yourself do things,?sorry for asking but i need every bit of help i can get,to help my son, as he is just wasting his life,sat at his PC all day everyday.Sue56

[gotoverit]

sue56,
Well yes, I did get help and my problem was routed in a childhood trauma. Actually I was a baby of one year old. Mind you though I had 17 years of mental illness as far as being in and out of hospitals. I have been well 25 years now and those thoughts no longer haunt me once I discovered what they were. I think the county was tired of paying for my hospitalizations and at a reduced rate they had me go to a psychologist. She worked with me once a month for two years. The last time I was in her office she seemed to ask just the right questions and out it come like a roar, like someone else was living in me. It was gone and I was at rest and piece. I called my sister when I got home I was so excited and rejoycing. At 23 I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic and I kept asking questions, struggling, praying, looking for answers all that time. As the years went on I found more and more answers and was rediagnosed over and over until my last diagnosis was that I had a sleeping disorder then this psycholist dug deep into me and it was over. That is why I am here because I believe I can share some of those stepping stones to help others.
gotoverit

[sue56]

Hi gotoverit.
I think its great that you are better, and you are on this forum to help others,i wont be on here for a while as im moving on sat,im very worried about my son coping with it,i will be back when i get connected to internet,and let you no how he is,take care Sue56

[HunnieBunnie66]

Have you considered therapy or medications, even though its time consuming it does have a good effect. It also sound to me that your son might have symptons of agoraphobia which is the fear of leaving your home or safety zone. I to am 20yrs old and have to have my mother take me to places that I cant go to alone. Its very stressful to have to live with but there are coping skills and i believe those really work. Another thing you could possibly do is find out what really interests him and see if there are oppurtunities to put him into a club or slowly introduce him to new ideas without pushing them on him.

[fadam]

It's really sad that your son cannot cope with the real life. I would ask him what he expects from his life and what he wants to do in future? Maybe he could invite some of this online friends to visit him? Maybe they can motivate him to go outside? If this doesn't work, the only thing I can recommend is a therapy, but he has to want it.