feeling like I really want to SI right now, but that would be unfair to me and my partner... trying to figure out how to fight with her and not use SI as a coping skill because I fear it might be out of spite as well... same with drug & alcohol use... it kinda sucks not being able to do what I want... but I am just frustrated and it is good I am forcing myself to think differently and not SI... even if not for the "right" reasons...

the count goes on