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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Minneapolis, MN

    relationships with PTSD

    I'm new to the forum, but I want to get some posts out...

    I have PTSD and I am in a relationship with another survivor and someone with PTSD... she doesn't have as many symptoms and she manages things far differently than I.

    Being in this relationship is a learning experience for me.

    When I am having a hard time I don't want to tell her about it and seek support because I don't want to trigger her... especially when I am not in the state to give her the support she will need.

    I have a lot of nightmares and flashbacks right now and she rarely does, so it is difficult for her... I know how difficult it is to be in relationship with me when my PTSD is flaired up according to former partners... so for her to also be a survivor is even more difficult.

    I also get more upset with her when she is inconsiderate and doesn't get it because she is "suppose" to understand. We recently got into a fight about our pasts, PTSD, etc... honestly, I'm not exactly sure what we got in a fight about because everything feels so connected to me and it is hard to pull it apart. That isn't fair to her that everything is about PTSD...

    How do other folks fight in their relationships when both folks have PTSD and might be overly sensitive at times?



  2. #2
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Feb 2011

    I am not married to a person who has PTSD... but we have been together for long enough that he has developed new sensitivities, and when we clash, we clash. When someone has been in caretaking mode for a while, it's actually been known for the caretaker to develop PTSD-like symptoms themself. My husband now gets triggered when I raise my voice, which I do quite frequently because I'm naturally loud and very animated. I will be telling him a story of something that happened to me that I felt indignant about, and suddenly, my husband will get triggered, and both of us end up with hurt feelings.

    What do we do? We talk about our triggers. We talk about what doesn't make us feel good in an effort to amend how we treat each other. It takes a longer time to resolve our conversations, but, I find this method helps to resolve them for good because we got to the root of the problem. Our marriage counsellor also suggested to have a tissue box that we would put on the table to signify one person was getting triggered or feeling flooded; When it was placed on the table, both partners would call a time out. It's very basic, but it was such a great tool for us, because backing off was hard to do in the heat of the moment.

    I understand feeling totally thrashed when it comes to whose past affects whom and what is PTSD and what isn't... it sometimes still will do a number on me when I am feeling more vulnerable or depressed. I'm sure that being in a relationship where both partners have PTSD would be especially challenging when you both need validation at the same time and needing for the other person to be still and validating. How are you guys doing now? I hope that your nightmares have calmed somewhat as of late, those are hell to go through!

    Take care of yourself Amanda!




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