do you ever get that feeling when your scared to be alone? whether it's because you're afraid of being alone with yourself and what you might do, or because you don't like the feeling of being alone, or maybe its because when your alone it almost forces you to think...and i hate it when i have to think about things. sometimes i think really happy thoughts, but most of the time i just think about my past and all the things i've done wrong, it's never what i've done right. my past is messy and theres a lot of hurt, but there was a lot of love too, and half the time i wish i could go back and live in those moments of pure happiness...i want to get it back and i know that i can't if i'm going to continue hurting myself..someone told me it takes 21 days to get into a habit, well i'm trying to get into a habit of not harming myself, because let's be honest, it's not helping anyone..and i know that. if anything it's damaging, if not breaking, all my relationships with everyone i have. i don't mean to hurt anyone, it's just that cutting has always been the perfect escape for anything that i want to runaway from. what i've learned is that when you runaway from a problem, it runs after you, only it comes back twice as strong and facing it is all that much harder. so i'm going to embrace this 21 days now, with my head up, and i'm going to be as strong as i've ever been, because i need this, i need to get better. today, september 19th, was my 8th day clean and i'm not stopping, i can't, i've got too much to lose...cutting isn't how i should be celebrating my life, i should be loving every second of life, and myself, i deserve it and honestly, it feels good to not have a blade in my skin. i know that if i make it to 21 days i'll still be facing this everyday, but i need to prove to myself that i can do it, that i can make 21 days happen. i still want to hurt myself, but i know i don't need it, and thats what i keep telling myself, i'm too good for it, everyone is. not one person should feel like hurting themselves is the answer. it's not. trust me. so please, don't do it, you are way too amazing to be hurting yourself, plus loving yourself is more fun. treat yourself right because it's what you deserve.