I said, "You don't even like me, don't even try to deny it."
She said, looking me up and down with a sneer on her face, "What's to like? What is there to like?"
Welcome to the Phobics Awareness Forums.
I said, "You don't even like me, don't even try to deny it."
She said, looking me up and down with a sneer on her face, "What's to like? What is there to like?"
Sorry that you have to deal with that I'm sure your mom loves you but being a mom myself she probably feels like its her fault and she can't do anything to help you. If she understood what you are going through things would be easier. I use to be a terror when i was a teenager i was lost in this disease that no one knew about and i acted out to get attention and my parents thought i was just being a teenager and we had the same fights and it hurt bad now that i am older and have kids of my own i have a very close relationship with my parents they know its hereditary and now they keep an eye on my boys so that they don't get neglected like i did. People say hurtful things when they are hurt i can promise you that your mom loves you. keep your head up.
Thanks for the reply. I think she loves me as much as she is capable. She's been extremely critical of me my entire life.
Now it's not as important what she might think of me, or at least it shouldn't be. All those years when I just wanted my mother's approval and acceptance, when it was important, she was causing very much damage by making me constantly aware that I was defective and ugly and something to be ashamed of. She was abusive, cold, distant, and negligent, while putting on a show of Perfect Mom to the outside world. To her, keeping up the illusion of perfection and success was (is?) the most important thing.
This is really hard for me to write about because it's so one-sided and negative and that's not a vibe I feel comfortable putting out there. I'd like to say we have a good relationship now, but it's always there under the surface and it comes out from time to time.
LittleGhost,
Your mom's response is terrible, horrible. What your mom is doing is actively tearing you down, and I'm glad you have these forums to vent to. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure that.
You will have to take up the torch of raising yourself since your mom isn't sympathetic to you, by trying to instill love in other ways. Obviously, showing love to you is not her top priority for whatever reason. It's IMPERATIVE that you find examples of love in other ways, things, and people so that you can minimize the damage your mom is doing to your psyche. In a book about Resilience, I read that people can grow up in the most horrible, non-nurturing environments, but can still become amazing empathetic people simply because they were able to relate to someone else or something else that showed them love or was a good example of it.
You have amazing clarity about your situation, and I think you hit the nail on the head as to why she's unable to nurture you. I cannot say enough how glad I am that you have this forum as a venting board, and I hope you put other things in place as a healthy way for you to vent and not keep all that poison inside.
Take care, and many gentle hugs!
Colourgirl
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