My heart is in pain :(

[Who am I_21]

I don't know what eLse to do aye? I'm at my worst with this.. I've dug myseLf so deep that I think I've dug enough to make this hoLe my grave when I die? I'm struggLing, my heart aches and is caLLing for heLp but yet this fLame that has been burning inside of me eternaLLy I can no longer face the pain that I face from day to day..
I'm hungry for heLp and am out of words, out of energy and out of seLf esteem.. Now I can feeL myseLf coming to terms with the fact that I might not want to taLk at aLL because of aLL the stuff that's going on in my life..

I don't know?????????

[Colourgirl]

Hello Who am I_21,

I'm so sorry no one has responded to your post, and I'm sorry that you are struggling so much! You sound very bound up and twisted ... your words and the way you are expressing them is very wrenching. I don't know your situation at all, but I do know that feeling of intense emotional pain, guilt, struggle, and loneliness. I think that every one of us has gone through a personal hell to be here, some more acute than others, some longer than others, but all in intense pain.

You are right.. this type of feeling isn't sustainable. What can you do to let this out so your poor twisted soul can take a breather? Just remember, there is nothing new under the sun. What you have or haven't done, a lot of us have faced already and still found a way to keep going. Remember, nothing is constant, so even though you may feel like you are being buried under your problems, c***umstances can change in an instant to completely change up what you are going through. See if you can evoke this change even by just changing how you think. How we perceive things can make a huge difference under duress.

Believe me, it takes a lot to follow my own advice, after all, I'm a fellow sufferer! I hope that you are doing alright, and take care of yourself. Tomorrow is a new day.

Welcome,

Colourgirl

[Who am I_21]

Hey there CoLourgirL

Sorry For not repLying back sooner I had other things to do to bury my issues..
I'm not sure if it's a phase that I go through but what I've said on my first post is usuaLLy how I start to feeL when I don't keep myseLf occupied. So far my work has been keeping me grounded and then it's like oh no back to reaLity again when this worLd that I face every singLe day is reaLity! That's when I'm not at work. I've been like this since I was 14? And stiLL can't beLieve that this has come back to bite me in the butt, hanging around like a bad smeLL and just doesn't seem to go away I don't know the first pLace to seek for heLp but to teLL someone who knows what it's like.. HELP!

[Who am I_21]

I'm distressed and going out of my mind.. SLitting my wrists and leaving this worLd is aLL I've been thinking about since I can't sLeep. ConstantLy crying in my mind, cLueLess of
what to do????

[wini87]

Better not sli ur wrists cos alot of people have gone through what you have been through and still live 40years later to tell the story.just stay positive.iv been suffering from dis silly anxiety for over a month now.i cant sleep,im always restless,nervous,i have severe shortness of breathe,my blood pressure is been fluctuating,i cant even go out...but i am still positive because i believe in Christ...surrender all to him and he would make a way for you.That same God that raised the dead,healed the blind,deaf,gave kids to woman without wombs is the God that makes impossibilities possible.Every great destiny has great trials,stand strong and dont give up.just bare ur problems to him.I wake up feeling light headed and unreal but i still believe there is an end to all of these.i met two pastors who gave me their testimonies of this and how they survived it.iv decided to stop drugs..im laying all my burdens to christ.iv stopped ativan and really in a bad state but i believe this is just part of my great story.If u end it,u would go straight to hell,that is even worse than what u are facing...just be strong ok.It is well with you

[Who am I_21]

^^^^^^^^ I've been toLd the same thing by my grandmother asweLL but thank you for the positivity, yet I am stiLL trying.. I know there is a God and he loves me but I don't love myseLf..

[Colourgirl]

Hello wini87 and Who am I_21,

I definitely agree that keeping your focus on something outside yourself can provide much relief! I'm so sorry to hear that you are having suicidal thoughts Who am I_21. Because we are on the net, make sure you have a back up plan in place, so you have someone to help you refocus when you get that low. It sounds like your brain tends to take you down in a downward spiral if it's left to its own devices. I wonder if keeping yourself on a schedule or if you have a way to distract your brain, you would see some relief from that pattern? I have racing thoughts that end up in the dumps if I leave my brain unchecked, and I've noticed that it has really helped me by keeping a schedule and not having too much idle time.

One of my massage therapists told me that he suffered from intense depression. I asked him what got him out of it and he said, "You know how darkness is the absence of light? I realized that depression is the absence of happy. So I try to fill my life with happiness." I really loved the way he defined depression! See if keeping a schedule and filling your time with things that make you happy change your mindset!

Back to the forums, with regards to posting, I want to give a couple of gentle reminders. I know your emotions may include suicidal tendencies, but due to the limiting nature of our forums, we may not post about them in order to be sensitive to everyone's needs. If you need to vent and post, try to post them in such a way that they don't trigger our readers, or post them in Rants and Raves, where the reader is told to "Beware". The same is to be said for religious views. While there's something to be said for having a sense of spirituality, some may have had abuse steeped in religion, and now find those topics triggering. While we encourage you posting how your beliefs have uplifted you, some may have issues with being told that they might "go straight to hell." Some have completely different beliefs.

That being said, please don't let these reminders stop you from posting. We all need them from time to time.

Take care!

Colourgirl

[Who am I_21]

Sorry I didn't think, my head wasn't thinking at aLL..
I apoLogise to aLL the viewers and for not having any consideration for others, reaLLy sorry.. I'm trying to do aLL these things but it's just not working

[Colourgirl]

Who am I_21,

No need to apologize! We all need reminders, and if you met me in real life you would see I'm the first to need one, I'm very impetuous and outspoken... so I get them often myself. I used to feel bad about it all the time until I realized that my personality was that way, and that I would often get frequent reminders because of it. I've resigned myself to it... and allowed myself to loosen up because I know that this is par for the course. I also know that being more impetuous means being more social and outgoing, and that I was fun to be around. It's a trade off.

You are in a situation that's consuming a lot of your mental and emotional energy. That is PRIME territory for saying something that might need curbing later on. That's why we have a moderator!

I'm glad that you are posting and using this forum, it allows you to express the negativity inside without harming yourself and others. I hope it continues to be of use to you!

With much gentleness,

Colourgirl

[Who am I_21]

I'm lost who can heLp me? I sometimes say things without thinking sometimes and then just reaLise aww no I shouLdn't of said that.. Like not long ago..
I am very very lost and need to be found