Looking to have some dialogue with other agoraphobics...

[mattcr]

(Before I start, I have found a number of these agoraphobia forums/chat rooms. I am basically posting the same intro message about me on all of them, so pardon the repetition if you also frequent multiple sites).

I am looking for people just to have an online friendship with at this point.

I have been agoraphobic for over 15 years now, although I am sometimes able to travel with certain family members/friends in the right situations. I am probably what can be considered to be "situationally housebound" - if I can't find a safe person to go with me to a place I can't go alone, then I won't go and will stay home, isolated and alone.

I used to have a perfectly normal life until this hit me in my late twenties. I had lived in many different places including NYC, subways on a daily basis, lots of friends and partying until 4AM and beyond. The last job outside the house was a great one, I had to leave about $250,000 in stock options behind because this affliction was causing me to spiral downward. I figured at the time I was still young enough to get over this and claw my way back.

Now I am 45 years old, and have basically had no relationships since then. I have made a few friends here and there along the way, but basically I hold on the best I can to the realtionships I made when I was "normal". I am quite close with my siblings/in-laws, so that helps. Although they are growing increasingly frustrated with me as the years roll by, as I am with myself. I look at my Facebook page and pictures from my past, and it almost seems like another person. I used have parties of 300+ people growing up at my folks house, now that seems miles away.

Thing about me is that if I'm feeling good, you would never know anything is wrong with me - I have become a true master of disguise. And since many of my old friends have become quite successful themselves, I am still exposed to some cool stuff, when able (which is NOT very often).

Despite all this, I still hold out hope that someday I can still go back to living a somewhat normal life.

[Atom]

Mattcr
I can sympathize with a lot of what you are going through. I have been unemployed for two years now. I have no friends anymore, and my family is... well it's hard to explain. My family is kind of understanding and apathetic at the same time. They don't really want to hear how I'm really feeling or what I'm going through. So,I mostly just tell them I'm doing OK.

I used to have several friends. I was the person who made everyone laugh and kind of liked getting all the attention. Now I prefer to be by myself most of the time because of the shame and guilt of what I have let my self become. I have stopped going to my psychiatrist because of not being able to leave my "safe zone" and lack of finances. So now I have no meds and no one to talk to about this my disorder.

Lately I have really been missing the little things I used to enjoy like hiking, going out to eat, ect. Now I'm 42 unemployed, broke, and I can see no light at the end of the tunnel.

[duckduckduke]

Hi Mattcr and Atom. I'm looking for some dialogue too. I've never met anyone with agoraphobia before, but I would really love to begin writing to people that have this same problem.

[Atom]

Hi duckduckduke

I welcome the opportunity communicate with others who can relate to agoraphobia or anxiety or panic disorders.

[Cheryl]

mattcr,

hope you're ok when this message gets to you. I have the same illness, although im only 21 and havent been suffering anywhere near as long. Where your job is concerned I do understand, I myself have had to leave a very well paid job that I worked hard in and loved and its very isolating, having to leave behind your collegues, your friends, your salary and your normallity, so that I understand. The only thing I have left is my beautiful daughter but, without sounding horrible, she cant hold an adult conversation, she's only 1. When we behave in the ways that we do people quite frankly get pissed of and dont want to deal with you as you are another responsibility they just can't be arsed with and it makes you feel so alone. At least on this site you can talk to other sufferers and they can help so that you can tackle 'real life' issues outsite of your condition.
You seem like an intelligent man, and you obviously, somewhere, have that happy-go-lucky man still inside of you, this is just a bump in the road and think of it that way, you WILL come out the other side. Medication DOES help as does therapy, and you need to find the right therapist for YOU.

Your family are probably frustrated because thy seen what you used to be and they probably feel a certain sense of loss, but as I said you will be ok but self-help is the key, determination and perserverence. Hold in there, you will be yourself again one day. Until then, look at the positives every day, u have family and one day, when you're ready you will find another job and meet new people, maybe even that someone special who loves you for who you are.

good luck x cheryl

[duckduckduke]

I'm in a rather different boat as i got agoraphobia at 17, I've never had a job before so I feel like when i get better who will possibly give me a chance!

[oracle]

I used to have a perfectly normal life until this hit me in my late twenties. \

that's exactly what happened to me. I am also what you call "situationally housebound" it's hard getting used to. I miss being able to go out alone and have friends. Thankfully, my roommate is here otherwise I would probably have no contact at all.

[chris cavicchia]

Hi There,

I am CHRIS from Philadelphia PA, USA. I been suffering from the same things and for about same amount of time 15yrs. Im so tired of being scared. Affraid and freightened. As i got older some things lessened by my knowledge, self help, helping others, and going to therapy, And on medicine many yrs, even now. I know how you feel I lost alot including jobs, etc. Relationship with good girls. On top I have AGRAPHOBIA, CLOSTRAPHOBIC, Like you said the security blanket is home feeling in control.

If im with certain people that I am not comfortable with I AM A MESS on certain days in certain situations depending what it is. If you would like to talk reply.
Thanks
CHRIS

[chris cavicchia]

Hi,

Im Chris from Philadelphia, PA 19142. Im glad about this site. All this started to me around 15 yrs old maybe younger with anxiety attack. I never forgot the first one. I was to young to go onto medicine they didnt want to give it out then to someone so young.

So I went from hospital to hospital, Family dr. to Family dr. When i was a kid I was more afraid now about Death dying and close people dying about me. I been layed off unemployed 2 yrs, due to economy. But this last month I feel like im getting worried excessively again like along time ago.. I do seek help, but funding even on copays its high for those kind of doctors.

I am on disability now. Thank god. It helps pay bills but most of all i have good health insurance but the specialist fees are crazy even on top of what insurance coveres. Then the meds copays, ridiculous. Sometimes I feel its all about the allmighty dollar... Which I call the evil now.. I have 1 friend in life my girlfriend i meet 1 year ago who understands with me through thick and thin. I feel like I trust her with life. I read alot of books, just remember we are not alone. Its a disease, mentally drained and then feels and could cause physical feeling symptoms... I HATE THE LIFE OF THIS NOW TOO... I fight, but how long does this fight last... Wanna chat.. My story is long. Reply anytime
Sincerely
CHRIS

[mattcr]

so...what happened to you?