Today

[Lynda91]

Today I thought of killing myself. I sometimes do... It usually comes suddenly and I'm never to sure why. Like most times I imagined it out, planning every detail of it in my head. I don't know if I truly came close to doing it... Sometimes its closer then others.

I remember mentioning to a close friend a while back that I might need mental help... but I'm scared they would lock me away. Its brushed to the side with the saying "They would only put you away if you are a danger to yourself or others..." Then laughing. I smile and laugh too, its normal.. a normal person would laugh. We joke around as I let what I'd said fall back into shadows. What if I am a danger to myself... ? No one would really know for sure... I'm not the type of person to tell those around me... None of them know I'm anything but happy.

[Emi]

Do you have a councilor? I have one and she always makes me feel better. My councilor has seen some of my worst cuts and has helped me through everything. If you were to die many people would miss you. Trust me on this. They may not act like it but people would miss you. Sometimes you have to open up to people. Doing so will make you feel better. I dislike opening up to people. It's weird but when I want to tell my councilor something and I'm scared to I write it down and show her. Also, why would anyone laugh at that? Because that's serious. I used to try and kill myself. I told my councilor and she helped me through it. A councilor will help you through it.

[Lynda91]

No I don't have a counselor... I've thought about getting one.. or getting some kind of help... but I can never bring myself to do it. I'm a bit scared of the thought. Sadly that is one of the few reasons I have not gone through with any of them.. The people that I think would miss me..