I went out of the house today! By myself! and I had fun! I actually felt normal! The past couple of days have been so very positive, I have made some realizations and I want to shout from the rooftops, and I just wish I could share with you all what my brain is doing! Literally, anyone who has a problem with this wicked painful uneasiness of mind! I would love for you all to start feeling better too )
I have figured out the negative dialog has been what was defeating me. I would think so negative, and not even realize it until i started writing it down. Now every time my brain tries to go to the "weird" place. (its so hard to describe, but basically its a complete fear of existance) I just tell myself that I am normal, its just the anxiety and I will be fine.
The words I use dont decribe the actual epiphany I have had. The total realization that I am the one who put myself here, and I can come out of it by totally changing the pessimistic attitude and negative self talk.
The other thing I have realized is that I really want to get better! I now know that my subconcious holds onto the negative because I get something out of it. As twisted as that sounds (because it is hell) The anxiety keeps me in the place where I dont have to face the fear of change and I dont have to do things that I dont like, or want, to do. I would like to have a conversation with my subconcious and tell it to stop messing with me! lol
There is a tool that I have been using that I wanted to share also! You know how in the cartoons there is the little devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other?? Well I picture them and the devil is the wicked little negative anxiety thoughts and I visualize flicking him off my shoulder, and it makes me giggle.. (humor is good!) Then I visualize the angel and she gives me a smile and surrounds me in a white light of love and compassion.. It is really helping me.
I know now that I have finally jumped over the barricade and I am cruising down the road to recovery! Im just so excited :lol: