Hello everyone I am 28 years old and was a mother to not one but two wonderful children. My son was 7 and my little girl was 5. they were my world.. In April my 5 year old daughter went through heart surgery that ended up with complications and needed an emergency brain surgery which she didnt survive. She ended up brain dead and she passed away. I felt like my world was shattered and I didn't know how I could ever pick up the broken pieces of my heart. Everyone kept saying it will be ok you still have your son be strong for him he needs his mommy right now and he needs your support and love don't give up for him.. I was trying to be strong I would smile and go to work singing and try to be in a good mood so everyone would see that I am strong. At night I would lay in my bed and cry I would let go of all the hurt inside my heart when no one could see. Time was slowly feeling like maybe I could put it aside. But one month later the most awful thing could have happened to me happened. My son was born with epilepsy and apnea and he was getting better but the stress of his sister dying and his father treating his mother like a dog got to him. He was 7 years old and the stress was increasing his seizures. I got a phone call at work that my son had a really bad episode at school and was rushed to the emergency by ambulance. A few minutes later about half and hour I got another phone call that he didnt make it. He had seized too long and something went wrong. My son was dead. My boss drove me to the hospital to see him and I was like this isn't happening to me.. Why me? Why both my kids? Why am I losing everything that matters to me month by month? I still sit here today and ask why? I just want my babies back. I just want to hold them and like other mothers enjoy their children at sports day at school or even when they annoy you and get on your nerves and make you wanna scream but hey atleast you have your babies... I wander what life has in store for me next.. Who can I turn to? Seems everyone keeps telling me be strong put the past behind and move on with my life but my children where my life. How does one move on when they lost everything that mattered? I still have one thing that matters to me that keeps me on this earth that makes me feel like I have a purpose but because I am badly depressed over my children I feel I am losing that too. I am scared and paranoid now that everything I have I will loose but how does one not be paranoid when they lost so much? Not material things not money but their children? How do I deal? Please share any suggestions that you have because at this point I am so desperate to make sure I get help and not loose the only thing I have left that is giving me purpose.. I don't want to loose that person can't afford to loose that person too.I need that person in my life so badly and nobody will ever understand the pain I am feeling..Please help!!!