How is everyone today? To fill you in on who I am, I am 26 years old who is in a constant stage of worrying. Mindblowing fear of the worst kinds of illnesses. I have seriously thought I have had cancer of the lymph nodes, stomach, blood, colon, breast, and brain. I have convinced myself that I have Lupus, MS, Sarcoidosis, Sjogrens, ALS, brain tumor, brain aneurysm, and the list can seriously go on and on.
Heres my story. It all started about 5-6 years ago I realized that I have several enlarged lymph nodes. I went to oncologists and rheumatologists all over to get a diagnosis. I have had blood work, ct scans, and biopsies. Nothing comes up as to why my lymph nodes are enlarged. I have no answers. This all feeds into my health anxiety. I am a google fanatic. I google EVERYTHING. I know so much of disease now that Ive diagnosed half my friends and were right on all diagnosis. I have no quality of life. I drive my mother crazy. My relationships with friends and boyfriend arent doing so wel due to my obsession of my health.
I am thinking I am dieing every single day. Ever get that feeling your being followed late at night or you hear a sound in your house and think someone is breaking in and your heart sinks to your stomach? That is how I feel every day all day because I think I am slowly dieing of a fatal disease. My latest symptoms are severe heart palpitations. I wore a holter monitor, had a stress test, and echocardiogram. My next test is a cardiac mri because I cant believe these premature beats are benign. The doctor explained to me that my holter recorded 22,000 pvcs in one day! I get them in bigeminy and he said they are of no concern and benign. After hearing the great news the palpitations disappeared. Then I googled and my palpitations are back with a vengence. I am pretty sure I am now getting more serious arrehythmeias like Atrial Fibrillation, and Tachycardia. My heart flutters in my chest and I never sleep. My school work and job are suffering from this. I am convinced that I have another type of heart arreythmeia. He missed it because i only wore that monitor for one day.
I begin psychotherapy this Tuesday but I feel very alone. I am petrified to live my life. I am constantly thinking and checking my body for new lumps and ailments. I know this sounds so ridiculous and I know I worry to much but I am getting a lot of the sypmtoms of fatal disease so this doesnt mix well with an already hypochondriac.
This is a small part of my history. If you would like to chat please message me. I feel very alone. I am scared to live. Thank you for listening.