Welcome to the Phobics Awareness Forums.
Driving 468x60
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2

    Wife of severe PTSD sufferer

    Hi all. My husband, a police officer, was diagnosed several years ago with severe complex PTSD..........and I, because of his behaviour, suffer anxiety.........fearful, walking on eggshells......he's currently (since we separated last fall) in a live in alcohol/addictions treatment center which is out of town and then will be attending a PTSD trauma treatment center for 2 months after that and although I am now a single mom of 4 and it's tough every day, it's not as tough as it was, being fearful every day. Anyone else experience this?

    Browniegirl.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    819
    Oooh Browniegirl.. I feel for you.. it must be so tough to have a husband who is suffering from PTSD. The sooner our society realizes that psychological trauma is a real issue that everyone deals with, the sooner we can heal! I'm glad that you separated since you have 4 girls. I'm a PTSD sufferer myself and thank goodness I was able to make a decision to not have children yet.. I know the dangers that kids can suffer from it. Kudos to you for being such a strong woman to take care of yourself and the children like you have been doing. I respect you for making the crucial decisions to keep your family safe, and yet have enough empathy that you want to reach out to the community that would help him out. You've got guts girl! Your children will learn this survival technique, and hooray for you for passing this along!

    Take one day at a time, you need your energy for yourself and your kids. Hope to see you in chat sometime!

    Colourgirl

  3. #3
    My heart goes out to you Brownie. While I'm on the other end and am a PTSD sufferer, I know in the beginning of my recovery how difficult it must have been for those around me. I have had a few relationships who were lost due to my illness. I am currently with someone who understands my illness as best he can, through reading and knowledge, and we communicate on my needs during specific events such as nightmares, flashbacks or any of the other symptoms that come along with that illness.

    I think you were wise for making the decision to take care of yourself and your children first. While that seems harsh, it is important that you did this and I'm very glad to hear that he is going to a treatment center. I have been to one myself and know that it has helped me immensley. Also there are support groups out there for caretakers (as they are called) of those who suffer from mental health disorders and PTSD.

    As colourgirl said, take it one day at a time.

    Kuno

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by browniegirl View Post
    Hi all. My husband, a police officer, was diagnosed several years ago with severe complex PTSD..........and I, because of his behaviour, suffer anxiety.........fearful, walking on eggshells......he's currently (since we separated last fall) in a live in alcohol/addictions treatment center which is out of town and then will be attending a PTSD trauma treatment center for 2 months after that and although I am now a single mom of 4 and it's tough every day, it's not as tough as it was, being fearful every day. Anyone else experience this?

    Browniegirl.
    Hi Browniegirl. I am a former frontline military officer and police officer of 17 years and have PTSD. PTSD itself is hard enough for the individual who is suffering from it but I am aware how its spin-off effects can affect family as well.

    For me the sorry part of your story is the separation from your husband and being left to raise your 4 children on your own. I found that the greatest relief from PTSD is my family being able to "keep it together". This was like a personal rock which always gave me reassurance in the back of my mind.

    I find it amazing how PTSD is recognised amongst ex vets such as those from Iraq or Vietnam, however it is almost never accepted amongst long term police officers. I'm not trying to downplay what vets have gone through, but most vets only served a year or so on the front line, and even this was rotated on a fortnightly basis. Coppers on the other hand have to deal with death, trauma and numerous other types of conflict on a daily basis for years on end. And, like the vets, there is always someone on a daily basis who wants to put a knife or bullet in you. Combine this with constant shiftwork and an eternal lack of sleep, the result is leaving the copper in a long term hyper alert state, this enventually ending up to his downfall and PTSD. You can see from the long term cycle of trauma, PTSD is almost a natural human like result.

    If there is anything else you would like to ask, don't hesitate to post or mesage me.

    The best advice I can give from the information you have provided is to let him go through the process of rehab himself, don't become too involved, and most of all let me know that his family is waiting there for him when it's over.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    819
    Hello damol,

    I fully agree with you. I had a prejudice against cops for a while because I met so many with bad attitudes but to see what they go through and w/o recognition of their trauma, it's no wonder that they are prone to depression and PTSD. Your statement: PTSD is almost a natural human like result is more correct than you know. I think of it even as basic as the law of physics: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If someone is getting barraged with constant traumatic energy, even though it looks like they are handling it or absorbing the blows, it's only natural that that energy will go somewhere. And that everyone has their breaking point. People are trained now to just swallow it down and hide it away, but that makes the cycle worse! How can we expect people to step up to the role of hero if they are judged for having human feelings and reactions?

    It's too bad that in the age of touch cell phones that are mini-computers, that we still treat our own kind barbarically. Go figure.

    Colourgirl

  6. #6

    Me too

    Quote Originally Posted by damol View Post
    Hi Browniegirl. I am a former frontline military officer and police officer of 17 years and have PTSD. PTSD itself is hard enough for the individual who is suffering from it but I am aware how its spin-off effects can affect family as well.

    For me the sorry part of your story is the separation from your husband and being left to raise your 4 children on your own. I found that the greatest relief from PTSD is my family being able to "keep it together". This was like a personal rock which always gave me reassurance in the back of my mind.

    I find it amazing how PTSD is recognised amongst ex vets such as those from Iraq or Vietnam, however it is almost never accepted amongst long term police officers. I'm not trying to downplay what vets have gone through, but most vets only served a year or so on the front line, and even this was rotated on a fortnightly basis. Coppers on the other hand have to deal with death, trauma and numerous other types of conflict on a daily basis for years on end. And, like the vets, there is always someone on a daily basis who wants to put a knife or bullet in you. Combine this with constant shiftwork and an eternal lack of sleep, the result is leaving the copper in a long term hyper alert state, this enventually ending up to his downfall and PTSD. You can see from the long term cycle of trauma, PTSD is almost a natural human like result.

    If there is anything else you would like to ask, don't hesitate to post or mesage me.

    The best advice I can give from the information you have provided is to let him go through the process of rehab himself, don't become too involved, and most of all let me know that his family is waiting there for him when it's over.

    I have lived with PTSD for 9 years now with my husband. he has scene things that we can not even begin to fathom. He is a veteran who served our country for 15 years and fought wars that we did not even know were going on. Ever see "Tears of the Sun" that would be the kind of deployments my husband had.
    This life is hard and as his PTSD is a roller coaster ride it gets harder to stay on. I love him to death and will always be there, but I sometimes need some one who understands the strain on me and our 8 year old son.
    Does it ever get better or do we suffer forever?
    It is so hard sometimes, I just want to slap him and tell him to knock it off, though I know it is not that easy.
    I have become more vocal with him and not walking on the eggshells anymore, only I am not sure if my openness and honesty is helping things or making them worse.
    I live in fear of him committing suicide, he has tried once already. I live in constant fear of him hurting himself or some one else.
    I try everyday to try keeping our family and household as normal as can be.....it is draining and he seems to not get it.
    Just want to cry a lot, my heart aches for him.
    Thanks for listening.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    6
    My heart goes out to all PTSD and those who are with them and close to them.
    I am also a suffer of this awful condition, as a result I have lost almost all my friends and family; however my situation is not nearly as traumatic as all of you.
    I think it's shameful that PTSD still is not a fully recognised condition in many countries as a long term illness people tend to think that we should get over it within a year or so, but sadly that is not the case and I feel much more needs to be done to make more people and the medical profession aware of just how severe it truly is.
    I also think there is a great need for more help with the families of suffers. I understand how difficult it is for families and friends, it must take a lot of inner strength to leave even more so when you have children.
    I just wish to God there was a magic cure because it is truly horrific some days' and we are forever in battle with ourselves.
    I wish you all well and send soft gentle hugs. Carena x

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    so cal
    Posts
    2
    I wish i had even a shred of good advice to give. i didnt write much in my profile but we share alot of similar c***umstances-bf is an officer, but lives far away and now i am a single mother trying to cope with many of same issues. although its easy to say...take it a day at a time... it seems reeeally hard to do. even a minute at a time is difficult in the middle of the night for me. but if it helps, focus on your children. we have to stay strong willed for them. their little lives depend on their mom. and thats what we are. although i know sometimes its hard to focus on that when you feel panicked, but sometimes it helps

  9. #9
    We are currently on an up swing so things have been a bit better. Just not knowing what comes next is scary. he had a bad week of depression and took a lot of it out on me. just complaining about anything and everything.
    Our sex life has pretty much gone down hill, I get blamed for that, even though I know all the meds don't help him and the battle in his mind doesn't make it easy either. I miss being intimate with him, so I try to hold his hand more and hug him more, that seems to help me feel close. I wish more people would understand, but that is asking a lot. Sometimes the minute people find out they ask me questions as to what happened, I share what I can without the graphic details that I do know and after that they just go away. I have a few friends who have stuck around and get it when I just fall off the face of the earth for a bit, I know it is hard for them also, but I am thankful they are grateful for my husbands military service and never question anything.
    My best friends son is now over seas in Afgan and when he was home last he could not stop shaking and he hid every time some one came to the door. He shares with me because he knows I get it. His mom is hanging in there but still sees the roses. I saw a lot of my husband in her son when he was home last.
    I do believe there is not enough support for family and friends that are caregivers. As a matter of fact the internet is the only place I have found it. I would eventually like to start a group here in my home town, I just need to find the time. Life is so hectic between work, my son and caring for my man.
    Thank you to all of you for sharing, it is helpful.

    For those who have posted who suffer from PTSD, please continue to share what you are going through, the more I learn and understand the easier this becomes, for me to help and hold our wonderful family together.
    Also for our Military families there is a great book called "Back From The Front" which I found very helpful.

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Panic Large