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  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Jan 2011
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    Feeling lost and do not know who to turn to

    Hi Everyone

    I have been with my partner for a little over three years now. When we first met she told me she had anxiety. She told me that it could get worse. Since I had never suffered from anxiety and we we're seeing each other out in public I didn't think anything of it. For our first 8 months or so together we would go out. Usually just the same places. We had only went to dinner twice in our first year together because she had issues with eating out. We have never gone on a trip together, gone to the movies or anywhere that I feel many couples enjoy together. After a year together we wanted children. I was excited to make it happen. We had a beautiful daughter and she is now 16 mths old. I enjoy taking her shopping with me, to the park and other places as well. My partner has never been to any of these places with her. She eats, sleeps and goes to work but that is it. I really thought that having our daughter may have changed her for the better but she has just gotten worse. It saddens me that she has no quality of life. I'm sad that she has never seen her daughter play at the park or seen her in a shopping cart. I already have a tremendous amount of anger in me because we do not do anything as a couple. I tend to lash out at her alot because of anger and frustration. I have pretty much lost hope that we will ever have a close relationship like others that I see doing things together. I honestly only care about our daughter now and that she not grow up asking "How come mommy never comes with us?" I'm extremely sad and hurt all the time. I'm lost and extremely lonely. I hope that I dont come across as being insensitive to her condition. I just do not understand it. I can't help feeling all alone in the relationship. I would love to hear from others that have gone through similar situations because I just do not know what to do anymore.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
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    Jan 2011
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    Mobile Alabama
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    Hi CGaddis,
    I write to you only to give you support. I am not in your situation and just reading your hurt makes me sad.
    I'm a recluse with issues.
    I wish you the best! You sound like a great Dad. Keep it up and make your daughter feel loved no matter what!

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    Sep 2006
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    13
    CGaddis, have you considered seeing your MD about this? If your partner does not want to go along with you and have a chat could you go alone and talk it over? I know doctors have to actually see the patient to give a diagnosis but at least you might get some useful information. Do you know whether your partner has had a bad experience at sometime in the past which makes her anxious to be out? Perhaps it's some other problem but it is important for you to get her to talk about it.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
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    Sep 2006
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    13
    Quote Originally Posted by dancercat9 View Post
    Hi CGaddis,
    I write to you only to give you support. I am not in your situation and just reading your hurt makes me sad.
    I'm a recluse with issues.
    I wish you the best! You sound like a great Dad. Keep it up and make your daughter feel loved no matter what!
    Why are you a recluse dancercat?

  5. #5
    Junior Member
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    Feb 2011
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    27
    Yeah, having children can make it worse. It messes with your head while your pregnant and makes you worry about your child all the time. I know, my mother had six and she's manic bi-polar. The best thing I can think to tell you is try to talk you her about it. Just bring up one little thing, let her react to it, wait for a few days or weeks, then bring up another. Try to talk to her about things other then you. If you can get her to talk, even just a little it might work. The only problem with talking to people who have issues like this is they can feel cornered very easily and no one can get better unless they want to. But I do agree that talking to someone who is trained with this kind of thing first and learning how to talk to her may be the best way to go.

  6. #6
    Junior Member
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    Jan 2011
    Location
    East coast of England
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    14
    Reading this made me feel so sad I really fear that this is how my partner feels about me. We have no children because I'm agoraphobic and I know I would definitely not be able to cope. But we have been together for two years and I do try to go out with him, I visit his parents with him and we go out for walks. It requires great effort on my part because I worry he will leave me because of it. Sometimes I feel so guilty because I'm kinda taking his life away from him. I'm not very fun to be with, or at least I don't feel like I am. He is the opposite to me, he is outgoing, knows everyone in town and has masses of friends. We did hit a rough patch and when we talked about it, he told me that he thought that I wasn't helping myself at all by staying in. I'm now seeing a pyschologist every week and she's really helping me to get out and feel better about myself. The thought that I could lose my partner is pushing me to get better too.
    I know it seems harsh perhaps, but if you speak to your partner about how you feel, don't just hide resentment. If she knew you felt like this and that she was hurting you and making you angry, she would realise that she really has to change and get help. Maybe she feels exactly the same as I did/do. I have no doubt that you try to help her and would love to 'make her better'. Sometimes people with high anxiety need motivating and pushing slightly. Not all but most. I certainly did. We can tend to just take comfort in routine.
    I hope I helped at all...

  7. #7
    Junior Member
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    Feb 2011
    Location
    texas
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    wow i can totally relate to this only my wife is the one doing everything with my daughter and im the one that sleeps goes to work and comes back home, I cant speak for your wife but for me i have trouble gettting out of the house and doing anything just because i'm either in pain or i am afraid to go out to public places for long periods of time. I just got into an arguement with my wife about it last night and explained it all to her, nowi wasnt always like this i just recently began having this problem, but she gets mad because i wont go shopping with her, its just something about walmart for me i feel sick the second i walk in there and just want to get out as soon as i can. i do go out to the movies with her but not out to eat because i cant stand the thought of waiting forever to get my food or check, ok im rambling sorry but i just hope that everything works out between yall i know its hard on you because i see the pain in my wifes eyes when i wont go places with her. I really do wish you both the best.

  8. #8
    Junior Member
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    Sep 2011
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    I understand because you want to feel like a couple and for you to have put up with this goes to show that you are willing to make things work. I have anxiety but I make the effort to help myself and its been working. Your partner does not realize what a great guy she has and its about time she knew. She needs to try to go out and keep her mind distracted and concentrating on what is happening when you and her are out. If she loves you then she needs to try to make a go of it with you. She apparently is still young and needs to enjoy her life with you and her daughter. You have to look at the good things in people and in life. I will be thinking of you and her and praying (which also helps). Maybe she can talk about it on this chat room?

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    4
    Hi, CGaddis. I hope that you have taken the advice presented to you. It's obvious you are an incredible person with so much love for your family. After my parents and my 2 brothers passed away, I slipped into a depression that soon brought on panic/anxiety attacks. I turned to my sister for help but she does believe people have these problems. She hasn't spoken to me in 3 years so I am alone. I am sorry your partner suffers from this horrible phobia but I am glad she has you and your daughter. Please get help for you to help her. And know that all three of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    1
    CGaddis-

    As the other people on here have stated- she needs help. Have you spoke to her about this?

    Your daughter is 16 months old and is lucky to have such a wonderful father but needs her mother to be as active in her life as well. It won't be balanced for her and cause your daughter to perhaps have similar anxiety issues as she gets older.

    Perhaps you could bring that up to your significant other - she needs to be selfless and put her daughter first and get help. Its tough at first but she needs to admit she has a problem not just to herself and you. But get professional help so she can be the best mother she can be.

    I had anxiety and took medicine and it helped tremendously. However, since then- I left the marriage I was in and all the negative stressors- so my anxiety went down and I no longer need meds and am a top producing sales manager for a reputable company.

    But the medicine is was got me on the right track. I had to take klonopin for anxiety/ panic attacks and occasionally ativan if it got bad and was on celexa daily but due to the side effects switched to prozac which also helped with the OCD.

    Good luck : )

 

 

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