Well, I've posted twice on this forum and have had no replies so far, but that's okay. I'm still fairly new. Sometimes for me, it just helps to write about what I am going through. This week especially has been bad as far as my OCPD goes [I know there is some differences from OCD, but there was no OCPD posting forum] since I had to face my biggest fear of all--a car accident. I was in one and since then I have felt as if my life has been spiraling out of control, as well as my OCPD. For a week, I've only gotten a few hours of sleep each night, and have barely eating because I just clean. Clean. Clean. Organize and organize. And I make lists. And when I can't do it anymore because of physical exhaustion, I sit there just panicking about what I haven't done--or rather that I cannot find anything to do sometimes.
It's gotten this bad in the past, but I just wish I had control of my OCPD. I wish I didn't have to list everything in order to feel calm. I wish I didn't wake up at 2AM and have to reorganize the entire room in order to get back to sleep. I wish I didn't have to do everything a certain way in order to just get through the day. But if I don't...I panic. I stop eating. I stop sleeping.
...will I ever be in control of it...or will it always be in control of me?