what my cutting has led to

[tommygirl25]

I went to the therapist yesterday and thought I would have a good session since they cancelled last week. But when I got there I learned that the doctors had a meeting about me ( the three that are treating me) and they wanted to commit me to a mental hospital without warning. They said that I cut too much and that its not good for me to be at home with my kids. I am harming myself about every 3 days and they think I am getting worse because they are comparing it to the one time that I went for 10 days without it. You all know I have been going through hell lately and to hear this from the doctor really upset me. They saw my wrist and what I did to it and gave me one more chance. They said if they see one more cut on my body they will commit me. I felt horrible when they said that. I had trust in the therapist and now I don't have anyone in my life to trust anymore.I feel betrayed. I know they are doing there job but I can't handle being locked up I would rather die. I am sorry for the way I acted in chat, I didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings, I just don't feel like talking about this anymore, or dealing with it like I know I should. I don't see how they can just expect me to quit like that. This is not that easy to overcome. Its an addiction like drugs and I feel like I am not getting the right support that I need. I just want this all to end and go away, because I can't handle it anymore, now since the appointment all I can think about is cutting every little stupid thing is a trigger, I almost burned the kitchen down this afternoon because I can't think straight anymore. My closest friends in chat I am so sorry, I have not reached out to you and I feel like I am lying to you all when you ask how I am doing, I just feel so empty and scared, really really scared, and I don't think that anything could help me right now and I am no good to chat to anyone. But you all know I love you and I wish the best for you. Please take care
love,
tommygirl25

Tommy,. please, we all love you, even if you have to be put in the mental ward we care about yuo and will be right here waiting for you when you get out. Please don't hurt yourself. Please.
-Your twin Lacey-

[Devin]

Tommy,

First of all, you know we all love you. Second of all, let me tell you that I have been put in a hospital twice. It seems bad at first but you learn in the end that it may be whats best for you. I saw it as a forced vacation from my life. I hope you don't have to go, but if you do, embrace it, don't fight it, you will get as much out of it as you put in, and come out a happier, healthier person.

And WE will ALWAYS be HERE,

Devin