Dating an Agoraphobic - HELP

[blah]

Hi all,

Hope this is the right place to post this. All very new to this forum thing.

I've been friends with an agoraphobic guy for a few months now, but we've recently started dating. Since we've started dating, his agoraphobia has become worse and he is struggling a lot with it. He is on medication and seeing a therapist, but is still finding it hard. I am trying to be completely understanding and not push him to do anything he doesn't feel comfortable with. The problem is that I can't actually go over to his house (for unavoidable reasons) so we hardly see each other and seem to fight a lot about this. When we do go out together I always tell him to choose what he is comfortable with, then he will get annoyed at me because I never say what I want to do. Today I did give him a long list of things I would like to do and he got upset because he felt like I was pushing him (even though he pushed me to tell him).

I am trying so hard, but I don't seem to be doing anything right. Can anybody tell me else I can do to help him through this? I have been doing extensive research and reading on it and trying to make sure I do everything people suggest, but I would gladly welcome tips from those with experience with agoraphobia or being with an agoraphobe, because I feel like I can't do anything right! He even acknowledges he is pushing me away because he feels like I am pushing him to be in uncomfortable places (which I am going out of my way not to)!

Help me please! I love this man with all my heart and don't want to push him away any further.

[thumper]

Hi Blah

I suffer from Agoraphobia am doing better now than i was 2 years ago. I can only tell you about me. There are good days and bad on my good days i wud say things like ur boyfriend does ie ask my partner to suggest things we cud do together and like ur boyfriend when he does i feel pressured and get angry this is becasue i have suggested this while im having a good day but chances are its when im having a bad day he comes bk with the suggestions. I feel guilty but have trouble showing this so it shows as anger. Maybe if you made a list of the things u like to do and he does the same ye can compare them and try to find a middle somwhere in what hes able to do. WIth Agorapbobia being away from ur safe place is very very scary so baby steps there is going to be some anxiety when he leaves the house but the bigger the task the harder it will be so many somthing which doesnt involve being around a lot of people being too far from home these are just ideas to start with and build up from there i dont know how much he is able to do so its hard to make suggestions. I think u are wonderful if all partners family friends etc went to the extent you have gone to too support ur partner it wud be great so well done i hope he can see how much effort you have gone to too show ur support and understanding. There is also the chat room here where you could talk to others get some ideas and support for you aswell Were a friendly bunch so feel free to come to chat and also ur partner if he wud like. There is only so much support you can give a lot of the work has to come form your boyfriend recovery from Agorphobia takes times and patience but ye will get there . Gud days and bad .

Hugs to you
Thumper xx

[dino]

Hiya blah

A huge welcome to the forum you will find loads of support both on here and in the chat room

Being a housebound agoraphobic here myself you have my utmost respect for by reading your post the patience of a saint i know from experience why my poor husband ain't murdered me is a miracle :lol:

Seriously all i can suggest is carry on doing all the above you are imo doing a great job just being there supporting your partner yes there will be times where you feel you cannot do right from doing wrong that is due to the frustration every agoraphobic feels when there panic takes over they take it out on the ones they love

Wish i could be of more help here other than say to you again i think what you are already doing is a fantastic job

love dino
xxxxxx

[j.a.n]

Hi Blah welcome to phobics,

Im an agoraphobic myself, i cant add much more than what thumper and dino have suggested,
on ly tell you what i do when i need to go out, i have my little safety kit with me, which consists of,
water,sweets,hanky,shades, i wear the shades as a mask they sorta protect me, stops me from
feeling vunerable outside, i also need to plan when and were im going to prepare myself,small
steps are the best steps, maybe a small walk in the evening when there arnt as many people around,
can i also suggest he comes here, he too can chat with other sufferers that way he wont feel so alone
and isolated.

hope this help,
loves jan xxxxxxx

[_jen]

I don't feel I have any advice to offer as I'm still relatively new to agoraphobia, but I also have to say I think it is great you are so supportive of him. Try to remember that it is his frustration that may be coming across as anger towards you. For myself, I am not completely housebound, but I find it hard to go anywhere alone and even then it's hard to go out. I've heard to take small steps at a time and keep it consistent. See if he is willing to take a walk around the block with you or down the street to start, night time helps a lot of people with this. Do this as often as you can and maybe encourage him to do it on his own if you can't go over to his place. It might help if you are able to be on the phone with him as he is doing this. This is going to take a lot of time and patience to overcome but it can be done. I wish you the best of luck and hope to see you and your boyfriend in chat.

_jen

[blah]

Hi all. Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions and encouragement. I've definitely used your suggestions and feel encouraged. Things are definitely improving already and he's doing so well. Very proud of him and glad that he is a lot happier. Thanks again.