Hi everyone! My name is Sunny. I've been hanging around in chat for a few weeks now but finally found the courage to say hi on the forum.
I'm a new member to the panic club. I haven't even been shown the secret handshake yet. Looking back (hindsight is a wonderful thing) I can see I've suffered anxiety for a long time but just pushed it away and ignored it. Ignoring stress is bad. It make me have a major meltdown and suffer panic attacks I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I used to get up in the morning and mentally run through all the things I was going to accomplish that day. I used to have a spring in my step. I used to be the office clown. I used to be the 'responsible one', the 'reliable one'. I used to be a lot of things.
Now, in the blink of an eye, I have anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, irritable bowel syndrome and enough stomack acid to give a dozen people ulcers. I don't know myself anymore. I have this dark cloud of panic and anxiety hanging over me as soon as I wake. I lost my life and I'm not sure if I can get it back.
I'm trying. I make myself get in my car twice a day and drive around my local area. I make myself go to the local shops (I can't face a big shopping centre yet). I make myself walk around the block. I make myself stick to one cup of coffee a day instead of my usual eight. I am seeing someone to help me get a hold of this. Some days are good and other days I feel that panic start to rise at things I think I've conquered. Those are the days I find comfort, support and hope here.
Thank you to all those I've already met in chat. Thank you to Anna for pointing me to the forum and offering kind words. Thank you to Cheer who inspires me without even knowing it. Thank you to Caligirl for making me smile. Thank you to all who have made me feel welcome and safe. You give me the courage to push on when I feel panicked. You rejoice with me when I make improvements (which means sooooooo much to me).
Thanks for letting me spill my guts. I will try to offer as much support to you all as has already been shown to me.