will i ever feel normal again?

[2007]

Hi been reading through a couple of ocd posts and i can relate to alot of them, i went to my gp and he told me that i may have ocd but couldnt help but put me on anti depressents. but not being sure that these would work i am trying to get rid of it myself (hard work!!!). :angry:
is there anyway of getting these horrible thoughts out of my head, i constantly get them and they drive me round the bend! anything bad i hear on the news i put myself in that position or if people tell me things that have happened that are bad the thoughts are stuck in my head.
I'm learning to control the counting thing and replace it with something else like an elastic band round my wrist i fiddle about with it and that generally works and other people see that as a normal thing. when i'm around my family friends boyfriend, i can hide it really well but its still happening!
i cant actually remember when all of this started?
i feel so down all the time and end up getting really emotional, and i want it to go away! it helps when i visit this forum, just want someone to talk to. :unsure:
Can anyone help is there anyway of stopping or reducing the thoughts?

[jade]

Hiya I know exactly how you are feeling, I have ocd and my mind just doesn't shut up EVER! I went to the docs today because I've washed and cleaned my hands so much that they are cracked and bleeding. It really hurts! Other people will never understand it properly unless they have it. As a child I always scrunched my hands together and I was constantly made fun of and asked why I did it but I didn't know it just made me feel better and "normal." At school if I made a mistake on paper or if I thought my writing looked messy I'd screw the paper up and start again and again and even now I am like this, write my shopping list twice just so it is neat and in the order of the aisles in the shop. If my house is messy I can't concentrate and have to have a bath most days before leaving the house 'cos I feel dirty. Thoughts are constantly going round and round my head, they stop me sleeping at night so the docs put me on an anti-dep called clomipramine and that has helped me sleep and has stopped me re-checking the door is locked, ok yes I do still check the door, just not as often. The tablets have really helped me and have also done wonders for my agoraphobia (I can now leave the house and even go ten miles away in the car, am working on going a bit further but that's another story!!) The tabs have increased my appetite and I have put on two stone since being on them (1 year) but apart from that I only have good things to say of them. Saying that though I am still obsessive but at least now I can sleep and leave the house which is amazing compared to how I have been in the past hope this is of some help to you? Ocd can be annoying but with help you can live with it.

[2007]

hi thankyou for writing back.
i find that i feel better when i talk to people about it, but because my friends and family do not understand ocd, its hard to explain to them why i do the things i do.
alot of my friends tell me to tell it to go away (but it's not as easy as that!!)
:angry:
going back about 3 years ago i can't remember suffering from it as bad as this it seems to worsen when i hear more and more bad things, that before would just go over my head.
i don't know if anybody else gets this but watching horror films is a no go! i used to love them but now i can't watch any violence on the tv or any films with blood and gore in. the only films that i ever watch are love stories or comedies!
i went to see a councillor, she said was that she can understand why i've got ocd due to my past? could this be true?
i havn't been back to see her as the fees are horendus!
she told me to do some freehand writing to see if that would help take my mind off of things and put it on paper, but i don't wanna do that cos i don't like what i think about, if that makes sense!?
i have good days and i have my bad days. Today i'm ok but still wouldn't mind a chat please reply
thanks

[worrywort]

Unfortunately, this is something that doesn't go away. It's with you for life. The good news is is that we just have to retrain our brains to minimize OCD's affects on our lives. You might want to find a psychologist/psychiatrist to talk to as they have the tools they can teach you to help get a grip on the situation. That's what is working for me anyway.

[bugsy]

Hi there,

I too suffer badly from obsessive intrusive thoughts. I can't watch certain tv programmes, the news, read the paper incase it triggers more thoughts. I only started having these horrible thoughts four years ago and since they have controlled a very large part of my life, preventing me from socialising and working. I have always wanted to meet and talk to others suffering from the same condition as I have a family who although they offer what support they can they simply don't understand my illness.

I have recently started new medication after aropax stopped working for me. I am now trying fluoxetine (prozac) but due to the nature of my obsessing meds changes are hard for me as I think catastrophically about them not working and going crazy.

I did some creative writing through my counsellor and found it really helpful but maybe you should look at getting a book called Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts. Theres also another one called Imp of the Mind. These books are specific to our illness rather than the more common OCD types like contamination and checking.

Hope this helps you feel less alone. I had it suggested to me by a therapist that I should look at myself less negatively by saying "I am not my illness" because it becomes overwhelming sometimes.

Please reply would be good to keep in touch

Natalie aka Bugsy

hi thankyou for writing back.
i find that i feel better when i talk to people about it, but because my friends and family do not understand ocd, its hard to explain to them why i do the things i do.
alot of my friends tell me to tell it to go away (but it's not as easy as that!!)
:angry:
going back about 3 years ago i can't remember suffering from it as bad as this it seems to worsen when i hear more and more bad things, that before would just go over my head.
i don't know if anybody else gets this but watching horror films is a no go! i used to love them but now i can't watch any violence on the tv or any films with blood and gore in. the only films that i ever watch are love stories or comedies!
i went to see a councillor, she said was that she can understand why i've got ocd due to my past? could this be true?
i havn't been back to see her as the fees are horendus!
she told me to do some freehand writing to see if that would help take my mind off of things and put it on paper, but i don't wanna do that cos i don't like what i think about, if that makes sense!?
i have good days and i have my bad days. Today i'm ok but still wouldn't mind a chat please reply
thanks

Hi

I can relate to you. I have ocd germs/contamination.
I've just read your post when u said about your counsellor suggesting the ocd is due to the past!
Yes she probably as a point! But please make sure your counsellor is qualified & as the tools to help you before delving into the past !!! I'm giving this advice cos I had 3 years of counseling which focused on my past he said my phobia & ocd is a symptom of a deeper issue! He dragged the past up & didnt have the tools to help me, he completely changed me for the worse. My outlook on life is very negative, I have become a very negative person.
10 years on & my life is a million times worse, I used to just have a phobia, but now after counselling, dragging up the past I've got much much more than that.
Please be careful about tackling the past, be catious, make sure your counsellor know what she is doing!! There are a lot of charlatons out there!.
I'm speaking from experience I'm almost 42 & feel that life as passed me by. My thought are all negative.
My opinion is "Leave the past where it is"
I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just giving my advice according to my experience.

Judith

[jade]

hiya. Yes I think creative writing would do you good, I find that when the thoughts don't go away and I'm emotional, I do some beautiful writings. It gets all your worries off your chest but I will warn you that you will feel shattered (tired) afterwards! I write and write till I can't write anymore (poetry is also good) and then throw the paper away so that no-one can lock me up or find out my innermost deepest feelings. I have seen psychologists but because I am not good at expressing my emotions it doesn't really help so I am currently awaiting art therapy on the nhs. I can't watch horror movies because I am convinced demons will get into my house and head. I'm currently using the library's computer and my mind won't stop thinking about the germs on the keypad so I am covering my fingers and using my sleeves lol. I actually like my ocd because it keeps me safe from germs!!!! And makes me unique lol. How are you doing anyway?

[2007]

hi bugsy thanks for replying where can i find them books?
any suggestions would be really helpful at the moment.
i have had a really crap day today constant thoughts in my head all morning, but they seem to get worse not better only better if i'm on my own but i don't want to carry on trying to be on my own all the time!
i don't know what normal is anymore i think i am normal sometimes but then other times i feel like an alien. :blink:
sometimes i think what is the point in all of this? stupid ocd! i used to be really independent and not worry bout anything the only thing that takes my mind off it is when i dance, but obviously i can't dance all day everyday! lol
how do you cope when the thoughts happen?

please reply
thanks

[2007]

hi jade yes i'm fine well kind of??
just wished ocd never existed!! :mellow: i will get rid of it and when i do i'll let you know how; lol
i think it is just a case of telling myself that my brain is chatting sh*t and try and ignore it although i do that and sometimes it works but other times it dosen't at all!
i'm fine at the mo but earlier it was not good :wacko:
going on holiday in two weeks so hopefully i'll be fine while i'm out there, try and set my mind on that more than anything, just v. scared of taking off in the plane!!!
but landing is ok

reply whenever you can
B)

[2007]

thanks judith

i don't think i'll be going back to her anyway, going to try and go through my doc again and see if he will refer me to anyone, (rather than put me on medication!)