agoraphobia is so misunderstood

[jade]

Hi everyone I am new to this site but having looked thru, you all seem wonderful peeps. I am 23, married with a 2 year old daughter. my family think im a drama queen and i just irritate my husband who is not really a support to me as he doesnt understand me not enjoying closeness as i feel "smothered" I am agoraphobic, have had panic attacks for 4 years and also suffer depression. i can leave the house but not more than 2 or 3 miles away, does that make me agoraphobic? I have huge mood swings and various personalities and I also have an addiction to shopping for clothes. To the outside world I am pretty and bubbly and appear so confident but to be a "nutcase" is still a taboo subject. If you mention anxiety or panic attacks you are ok but as soon as you mention agoraphobia, ocd or borderline personality disorder its as though you have a disease thats catching and no one wants to go near you!!!!!!! not being bigheaded here but men do try and chat me uo but as soon as i mention mental illness they are off!!!! the fact that im married doesnt put em off but as soon as mental illness comes into the pic its see yaaa!!! lol. the doc will say, "but you are beautiful. whats wrong with you?!" as if being pretty cures bloody everything! Id rather be ugly and happy, normal, really I would. stuff looks. someone talk to me please!

[Naomi]

HI Jade,

I'm not agoraphobic but I have some good friends that are. I personally want to learn more about it so that's why I read the posts on it. (hope it's ok I replied to yours tho I don't suffer from it.)

Society can be pretty naive and it's sad to say alot of people think that anyone fortunate enough to be blessed by good genes, must have a fantastic life. It's taken some pretty tragic events in my own life for me to realize that the person next to me may be gorgeous, but who am I to think they're not going through their very own personal hell?

As far as your husband goes, I know that feeling really well. I'm unhappily married to someone I've given too many years too. I have an amazing son who tests my limits everyday. But his dad does not support me the way someone should.

And I do understand when you say people talk to you but as soon as they find out about the mental illness issues, they squirm and are not sure what to say or how to handle it. Or they just bolt. In the end though, those are the people that do not matter. It's the ones that stay.

I have no doubt you'll find plenty of support here for whatever you need. Take care

[jade]

hi naomi thank you for your kind words of support! Sorry to hear about your unhappy marriage, it sucks doesnt it! its great that even though you dont suffer with agoraphobia, you still want to try and understand it. Oh, if only everybody was like you Im sure the world would be more of a kind and compassionate place. hugs xx

[Anna]

Hiya jade
first thing i would like to say is to the forum!!!!
I suffer with agoraphobia I have for many years so I really understand how hard it can be I was told by a dr along time ago I was drama queen and I changed drs asap my dr I have now are great with me. My family are very good with me they dont really understand but my hubby is my rock hes the only person I really trust to go any where with I do try to go on short walks but sometimes its just too hard I am pretty much house bound I look out of the window seeing people carrying on with their lives I just wish it was me going out there without a care in the world.
So I really understand to what you are saying.
Hope to see you in the live chat room sometime you take care now
love
Anna
xxxx

[dino]

Dear Jade
First of a huge welcome to the forum , secondly i can relate to your panic attacks ,anxiety and agoraphobia ,can i also thank you so much for replying to another couple o my posts it is very much appriciated , i noticed you said the ssri seemed to work for you ,i am at the moment once again withdrawing from diazapams as they no longer do nowt never really did if i am honest i'm on propranonol aswell was told nearlly 2 years ago i have to come off it all but i have been there done all tht before all to only make me worse ,omg im off on me me me ffs lol sorry
Just want to say hope to meet you in chat one night and sending big hugs to you your not alone we are all here for you
Love Dino
xxxxxxx



ps: might be a good idea to maybe show your hubby some posts on here might make him realise agrophobia is indeed a very real illness and in doing that might make him more understanding of your situiation

[jade]

aww thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much dino and anna for your kind words, so good to know that I'm not alone. It can be so very hard explaining to "normal" peeps what you go thru! At least here I can be myself! because I am physically healthy, people assume mental illness is just something people say as an excuse for bad behaviour, oh how I wish!!!! My illness makes me totally different to the "old" me, the "real" me. I can be such a selfish, overdramatic cow at times and even though I am aware I am being totally unreasonable it isn't enough to "snap me out of it" my two year old daughter was screaming and having the worst tantrum she has EVER had toay in the supermarket and I'm ill anyway and having a real bad time at the mo changing anti-deps, and I carried her outside as she was howling at the top of her lungs and this woman looked at me with such pure evil and shouted something really spiteful at me about me being a bad mum and I made her sick!!!! come on, what else can you do with a screaming toddler when they want ssweets and you've said no cos they are being naughty? does that make me such a bad mum? Anyways, after she said that I burst into tears in the car park. how dare someone judge me like that when I had done nothing wrong? I wish people could keep their nastiness to themselves, if i saw someone struggling like that in a shop I can honestly say, hand on my heart, I'd offer my help and really sympathise- no matter how bad I was feeling! it's comments like that that can push you over the edge, could she not see I was under a hellava loada pressure as it was withiut her harping on!!! last night I was stood on the train bridge and I was going to jump but when the train came it was ao bloody slow I thought "sod this I'll go back home this won't kill me!!!" Im living in yorkshire now but originally from down south and why aren't the tracks electric up ere?!!!! lol. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that perhaps you were that nasty lady in the supermarket today, maybe you have had a crap day but you don't know what other people ars going through so please lets never judge or take things out on others. If that lady knew how close I was to comitting suicide I was last night then maybe she would have thought twice about saying that to me. bye for now xxxx

[Anna]

Hiya jade
Oh so saddend to hear that you are feeling that low and the nasty people in the world I dont know whats their problem I mean we all been there with little ones I remember once I was walking down the market town near where I live with my daughter when she about 4 well she never took any notice of where she was walking nearly walked right out in the road so busy market day well my quick reaction grabed the back of her coat pulled her back well then this woman came from no where shouting at me telling I was a unfit mother I was like who the hell do you think you are I was so shocked walked all the way home crying my eyes out my poor little girl was i'm sorry mummy all the way home.
Some people Jade just are nasty people I know we are so vunerable best advice is to ingnore the nasty people and be the person you are dont change for anyone
always be true to your self
bless you too
love
Anna
xxxx

[RayRay]

Jade I completely relate to your first post.

To the outside world I appear completely normal and even "cool." At the risk of sounding egotistical, I'm intelligent, accomplished (have a college degree), have a good sense of humor, girls like me and I am quite fit and attractive (so I've been told).

When I've told people close to me about my panic and agoraphobia, most are incredulous. "But you seem so cool and confident...there's nothing wrong with you."

So deceiving is the mind...even when you have so many good qualities and are fortunate to have many positive things in your life, you see a warped image of yourself. Always worried about embarrassment and how people perceive you.

One thing I'm working on that might be helpful to others is my tendency to be a perfectionist. All of us screw up; the only thing we can do is the best we can. If we mess up every now and then, ***k it!

We can only try the best we can....I can't be worried about what others think. And most of the time other people are so wrapped up with their own thoughts and problems that they don't pay us agoraphobics and panickers one bit of mind!

Keep up hope guys, there is life after agoraphobia, I'm sure of it. And I'll be living my dream life someday.

Much love.

[jade]

thanx again anna bless ya. Ray, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO know where you are coming from! I'm apparantely very clever but as I don't work due to the dreaded anxiety people think I am wasting my life away and not using my brain. I moslty read books as my brain does have to be active all the time or I get really frustrated so I've forever got my head in a book or am studying something (mainly self-help books lol) It also winds me up that people think I am just a drama queen because "what the hell is wrong with you, you are healthy (hello, does mental health not count you idiots?!!!) good figure blah blah blah" looks ain't everything, if they were then as soon as everyone hits middle age they'd be topping themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one sees me at night on my own, hating myself and seeing only fat and ugliness, inside and out. Hating the way I push everyone away. no one sees that when you are laughing and joking away, being the comedian. But what's the good in having supermodel looks when you just want to be someone else, anyone but you? :unsure:

[RayRay]

I, too have left jobs and been unable to work for long stretches because of my terror of suffering embarrassing attacks.

And I also worry people will think I'm lazy or wasting my talents.

Jade, about your brain being so active, I do something that seems to help me. I try to set aside 10 minutes up to 30 minutes or so of meditating/breathing every day.

I turn off the TV, go into my room, close the door and turn off the lights. No distractions. I just focus on my breath; and when thoughts come into my head, I don't fight them -- I let them through as they come in and out. Then I come back to my breathing.

I just try to slow my breathing and take a break from the world and all the distractions. It seems to help and I emerge feeling relaxed and refreshed.

Just a suggestion, and I wish you the best.