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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    1
    I have never liked driving on highways, passing trucks but was totally fine driving accross the country, I was just never miss speedy. Over the last 2 years, I started to be scared of one bridge, started to feel like my car was shaking and just stopped passing trucks all together. Over the last year , things have gone far worse, i mean downhill quick. I panicked for the first time in february, I mean, my legs get rubbery, my hands start sweating, my heart starts beating fast. i panick and need to stop NOW. I slow down, pull over, stop. I think perhaps I am a bit of a danger, howver, I exit or pull over right away.

    So i go where I want to go, I just don';t stay on the highway very long. somedays are better, some worse.. My boyfriend and I broke up this week because of this. Well perhaps it's a sign that he would never be supportive of anything, but it still made things so much worse for me. I don't know how to not let that affect me, I know I need too.

    I am a very accomplished 34 year old women, I have 2 houses, a business and have great athletic accomplishment. i am successful, driven, positive, optimistic in life and I am not depressed. But I have a hard time driving on highways, go over some bridges and really struggle to cycle down hills. (same problem on the bike, and yes I race bikes)

    I am getting helped and WANT to overcome this, it is just hard. well my now ex bf, thinks that it's a huge red flag for him, I may become "crazier" (his word) and eventually kill myself or others. He claims I put him at danger once when he was driving behind me (6 months ago). we talked about this, but he says that i don't see his point, that this is a personnality disorder, it can absolutly get worse, i can become non functionnal in society and the worse for him, well, is that if we have kids, he doesn't feel like he could trust me having them in the back of my car. He needs "security: at home and doesn't feel i can priovide that because of this. ouch.

    His comments DESTROYED me. It hurt so bad as he is trying to destroy my self esteem. I am doing all I can to overcome this, I just need support perhaps from people that know what I feel like? I dont want this to be "a big deal" but it became one when my relationship ended because of it. I told him that I was no more of a danger than him when he tailgates a motorcycle while on the phone because "the f..in guy won't move over" he thinks I rationalize, I think that i am trying to overcome this, I can't think about "killing" people with my issues, it messes up with my progress.

    Since then, i haven't been able to drive more than 2 exits on the highway. last weekend, i made it 50 miles. This week, 2 miles. I am determined and know that relapse are normal, I WANT to overcome this so bad, I just needed to let this out....

    I am seing a sports therapists, we did biofeedback, desensitasization also worked in the past. One doctor told me I was hopeless, I should just be on drugs for the rest of my life (he really did say that as I asked if temporary would work, he said no). I am not on drugs, boyfriend was going to leave me if i was going to, now that he is gone, we'll see, i want to try without it first. I am too active, busy and productive to handle some of the side effects on there for NOW.

    My mother couldn't go over bridges, she does now but she is anxious. i don't want to blame her, but i was in the car as a 5 year old when she would cry passing a truck thinking something bad would happen, she would freeze on a bridge and really panick. My grandmother has aggarophobia. I am aware of this, yet MAD that somehow I let their actions somewhat become my problem, i know there is a genetic part here but still, why?????????????????????????? frsutrated yet determined.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    413
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Hi, Soleil!</span></span>

    <span style='color:blue'>First of all, welcome to Phobics! Good to have you here with us!



    Secondly, what a beautiful name you've chosen! You do sound, apart from this driving phobia, like a very sunny person, full of get up and go, zest for life even, and I'm so sorry that your normal life has become affected by this fear - and now your personal relationship with this guy......

    I know I don't know you well enough, nor am I medically qualified anyway, to make a "diagnosis" here, but it sounds like an extraordinary idea to suggest you have a personality disorder, let alone that you could deteriorate and become a danger to yourself and others!!! That has to rank as one of the most outrageously stupid things I have ever heard here!!!

    Your ex-boyfriend's attitudes would be utterly hilarious if this weren't all so sad for you.

    From what you have said about his own driving habits, tailgating, using a phone while driving, boiling with aggression towards other road users...... it sounds like he is the one who has a disturbing and dangerous problem. Sad to say, statistically at least, it would be he who would have ended up killing your hypothetical children whilst driving.

    I really wouldn't concern yourself with "genetics" here, Soleil. The motorcar hasn't been around for long enough for evolution to have developed a "driving phobia gene"!!! LOL

    If you sat with your mother in a car, when young, and experienced, soaked up, her own anxiety when driving on a busy main road, I rather think that might be the "culprit" here......

    Plus, there is another consideration here. Who ever told you that driving along fast and busy highways was supposed to be safe??? It's bleedin' dangerous!!! There are millions of drivers out there on them roads suffering the same dangerous personality disorder as your Ex - severe Assholeitis! - and putting your and other road users' lives at risk!!!

    Now, if you need to use these roads, and if you feel that your reactions to the real dangers on them are "over the top", then fine. You seek help. Which is what you're already doing, no? Gentle and guided desensitisation, anxiety-control and a slow relearning that the risks and dangers can be carefully controlled and minimised, but never eliminated altogether. If that is the kind of help you're getting, then you will be able to deal with this "phobia", Soleil, never doubt it.

    As for that doctor...... If you're not anxious about everything else in life, constantly stressed out and with depression as well, then I don't really see what help drugs would be for you. Not to mention a lot of anti-anxiety medication would automatically debar you from driving anywhere, let alone highways!

    Another dickhead, Soleil. That's two so far. I hope there aren't any more people like that in your life? PMSL

    All the best to you, girl. Take care. Hope to see you in Chat.



    Love</span>


    <span style='color:red'>Gord</span>
    <span style='color:green'>xxxxx</span>
    [b][color=#008000]JADE[/color] -- [color=#0000FF]The Mental Health Website & Chat Room for Under-16s[/color][/b]


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  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    248
    hi,
    Just wanted to say welcome to phobics and your ex is a jerk! Good ridence i say..Obviously you can do better! If he is going to bolt at the first sign of trouble, well then he isnt good enough for you. I understand how u feel im like that to, everywhere, not just on highways. It sux and it makes life hard and it does affect your relationships
    I hope i get a chance to talk to you in chat, keep your chin up!!!!
    xxx freaky xxxxx






  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    22
    You're better off without your ex.

    I too was told by docs I would need to be on meds for the rest of my life.

    I had agoraphobia and couldn't drive for years, not I haven't had a panic attack in over 5 years and feel fine with driving all over the country. I'm also not on any meds for over 5 years too.

    There's a great program out there for the fear of driving that helped me, I don't know if I can mention it here.

    You can totally get past this.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    248
    Hi ontheroad,
    Id love to know what that program was!
    xxx freakyxxx

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    22
    I'm new here and some board don't like url's but it the Driving Fear Program
    It's a great program that helped me and from other boards I've been too, quite a few others too.

  7. #7
    I'm so sorry this happened. And that your exy was a jerk. I can relate.

    I have to first commend you. YOU ARE DRIVING

    I'm scared to get behind the wheel so congrats that you can do that much. I understand about passing trucks. I get terrified when hubby passes a truck. He is an impatient and very aggressive driver.

    Hubby is less than undertanding or compassionate about my driving fears. He's a bad teacher as well.

    you are better off if he would leave you over something so trivial it's rediculous. Yea if you can stay off the meds that's good.

    I suffer from many types of anxiety and depression however my fear of new meds and what the doc will stay has kept me suffering.

    I hope you can overcome this because driving = freedom. Remember that this is your freedom and no one can take it from you. Not even exy.

    I will rephrase to say I KNOW you can overcome this.

    HUGS
    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:blue'><span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hugs!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span>


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  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by OntheRoad
    I'm new here and some board don't like url's but it the Driving Fear Program
    It's a great program that helped me and from other boards I've been too, quite a few others too.

    I'm a skeptical person. Does this really work? I was quite close to trying it. Can you start a topic on this giving us more info as to why it works so well and what exactly it has done for you.
    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:blue'><span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hugs!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span>


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  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    22
    I started a topic in the books section, I'm not sure specifically what you want to know. It has information and techniques that I found to be very helpful for my anxiety, especially to help stop my obsessive thinking. I'll try to answer your questions if you have any.

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    22
    Oh yeah, in addition to the program what I think is VERY helpful and unique is the support that they offer. You actually get an instructor to email throughout the course of the program if you need help. I hid my fear so it was nice to have someone to open to about it.

    This alone is worth the cost of the program to me.

 

 

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