I have never liked driving on highways, passing trucks but was totally fine driving accross the country, I was just never miss speedy. Over the last 2 years, I started to be scared of one bridge, started to feel like my car was shaking and just stopped passing trucks all together. Over the last year , things have gone far worse, i mean downhill quick. I panicked for the first time in february, I mean, my legs get rubbery, my hands start sweating, my heart starts beating fast. i panick and need to stop NOW. I slow down, pull over, stop. I think perhaps I am a bit of a danger, howver, I exit or pull over right away.
So i go where I want to go, I just don';t stay on the highway very long. somedays are better, some worse.. My boyfriend and I broke up this week because of this. Well perhaps it's a sign that he would never be supportive of anything, but it still made things so much worse for me. I don't know how to not let that affect me, I know I need too.
I am a very accomplished 34 year old women, I have 2 houses, a business and have great athletic accomplishment. i am successful, driven, positive, optimistic in life and I am not depressed. But I have a hard time driving on highways, go over some bridges and really struggle to cycle down hills. (same problem on the bike, and yes I race bikes)
I am getting helped and WANT to overcome this, it is just hard. well my now ex bf, thinks that it's a huge red flag for him, I may become "crazier" (his word) and eventually kill myself or others. He claims I put him at danger once when he was driving behind me (6 months ago). we talked about this, but he says that i don't see his point, that this is a personnality disorder, it can absolutly get worse, i can become non functionnal in society and the worse for him, well, is that if we have kids, he doesn't feel like he could trust me having them in the back of my car. He needs "security: at home and doesn't feel i can priovide that because of this. ouch.
His comments DESTROYED me. It hurt so bad as he is trying to destroy my self esteem. I am doing all I can to overcome this, I just need support perhaps from people that know what I feel like? I dont want this to be "a big deal" but it became one when my relationship ended because of it. I told him that I was no more of a danger than him when he tailgates a motorcycle while on the phone because "the f..in guy won't move over" he thinks I rationalize, I think that i am trying to overcome this, I can't think about "killing" people with my issues, it messes up with my progress.
Since then, i haven't been able to drive more than 2 exits on the highway. last weekend, i made it 50 miles. This week, 2 miles. I am determined and know that relapse are normal, I WANT to overcome this so bad, I just needed to let this out....
I am seing a sports therapists, we did biofeedback, desensitasization also worked in the past. One doctor told me I was hopeless, I should just be on drugs for the rest of my life (he really did say that as I asked if temporary would work, he said no). I am not on drugs, boyfriend was going to leave me if i was going to, now that he is gone, we'll see, i want to try without it first. I am too active, busy and productive to handle some of the side effects on there for NOW.
My mother couldn't go over bridges, she does now but she is anxious. i don't want to blame her, but i was in the car as a 5 year old when she would cry passing a truck thinking something bad would happen, she would freeze on a bridge and really panick. My grandmother has aggarophobia. I am aware of this, yet MAD that somehow I let their actions somewhat become my problem, i know there is a genetic part here but still, why?????????????????????????? frsutrated yet determined.