I'm a 25 yr old Mom of 2 children. I have rarely ever been alone, never completely on my own. I met my fiance in 2002 and we moved in together about 4 months after we met, and then I ended up pregnant with my 2nd child. He worked 3rd shift and I was normally fine being alone, until after I had our daughter, that the panic attacks and anxiety started kicking in. I had severe mood swings, which I just figured it was due to lack of sleep. He had to sleep during the day and worked at night, and with an infant, I wasn't getting much sleep at all. He ended up quitting his job to save my sanity, but the mood swings didn't stop and then it seemed that whenever I went into the store my awareness of everything around me was getting stronger. I would sense that people were staring at me, or laughing at me for whatever reason. My hands would get clammy and my chest would start tightening whenever I got anywhere near a store or work.
I held onto my job even though there were plenty of days that I didn't want to even go in. The anxiety would ease after I walked in and would be greeted by everyone.
We ended up moving because my fiance's father was dying of cancer and my fiance wanted to be closer to him to spend the last few months as much as he possibly could with his father.
I haven't held a job in a year now. It's getting to the point with our finances that I NEED a job. My fiance shattered his tibial plateau back in may and has almost fully recovered from that but the doctor only wants him to work 4 hour days/part time and no heavy lifting at all. My fiance is in school as well trying to earn a degree in computers so he can get out of doing construction for good.
After he shattered his tibial plateau, I was doing so well too with my anxieties. I had to force myself to go to the store to get groceries,etc because he was basically bed ridden for over 2 months inbetween surgeries. But, I have slipped back into all this. Feeling anxious/nervous about even going outside and swimming in our backyard with the kids -which is enclosed with a privacy fence, but there's people in helicopters and airplanes that "may" see me. I can't go to the store unless someone is with me. I feel so bad when my fiance gets frustrated because he doesn't want to go back out, but he has to because I end up having a panic attack when we need something at the store.
All of this is self diagnosed and I know I have got to get some help before all of this gets worse. But I get all jittery whenever I pick up the phone to call someone, and can't go through with it. I have a hard enough time scheduling doctor appts for my children- let alone for myself.
I'm not sure what all I can do to overcome this. I just know that I can't keep on living like this anymore.