Hi,I'm new here,looking to meet people

[sierrawren]

Hi Everyone--
I am brand new here,don't know really what to say, except that I am very, very sad. It is very hard for me to make friends in "real life"(offline) because 1)I have been severely depressed for 15 years, and no drugs/meds have really made much difference and 2)I have mild to moderate(sometimes severe)agoraphobia, times I cannot even leave my house.So I live a trapped life. My boyfriend, my daughter,some of my familty can give me partial relief, but nothing can ease the shame and confusion and lostness I live with.There are times I feel that everyone,eben my daughter,wold be better off without my strange sickness handicapping her too, through me. Times I want to just end it all.
But before that, long before that, want to reach out--as to the people on this board,who seem lovely. I would love to get to know some of you better,and hope to do so over time. Also, if anyone wants someome to talk to--about anything--I'm here.If I feel out of my league, then I will honestly tell you; but if not,I will try and help give the best advice/support I can. You ALL see, to do that,for each other,in this forum,and I love it.
Anyhow, hope to meet you and see more of you,too!

[FLORENCE]

SIERRAWREN,,,WELCOME TO THE FORUM,,,SO VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.... I DO HOPE WE GET TO CHAT...... FLORENCE

[dino]

Dear sierrawren
Reading your post brought a tear to my eye as i also have the guilt and many feelings you wrote hit home hard ,it is with the all the wonderful help and support on here that keeps me going ,i hope we can all be of as much needed support to you ,i also hope to meet you in the chatroom one night
Hang in there your not alone
love Dino
xxxxxx

[Naomi]

Hello! I'm pretty new myself and yes, everyone has been nice and welcomed me on board.

Hope today is a good day for you.

~Naomi

[GIJane]

Hiya Sierrawren,

to the room. Nice to meet you.

I'm sure you will find lots help and support here, I know I do! Hope we get to see you in Chat.

Love
GIJane
xxx

Dearest Sierrawren,

A girl after my own heart, litteraly. I suffer from a few ailments one being sever agoraphobia, I am not only prisoner in my home, but in my closet. I slowly regressed from not leaving my house to not leaving the second floor to not leaving my room to living day to day in a walk in closet that ocupanays the master suit. Luckily it is attacked to a bathroom so I feel as though that is part of my domain. I too at tiimes have thought how my husband and children would be better off if I ended it all and set them free from dealing with me and my illness everday. Then I realized something, the stigmgma of having a mother or a wife kill herself. The constant pain that they would feel for my action I think would be far worse. I had some one very very close to me commit suicide. Years later I still have mixed emotions and the emotion I feel the most is ANGER. How selfish of him to so such a thing. I think that is what makes me continue on. I think that that one feeling I have is enough that I never want the ones I love to feel that way about me. Although I'm sure at baseball games football games cheerleading
practice Karate tornuments and dance recitals which my four children are all involved in, there is an anger that they feel that there mom is not there. The thing is we always make up while they show me pictures or vidieo of what they have done. Although they have to curl up with me in my stupid closet to watch it or show me the pictures I am here to share them with my children. It may not be much but I'm willing to bet its a heck of alot better then if I had chosen to end it all.

I am so glad you have found this fourm, it is a place to regroup and gain great strenth from it is also a place to cry and share. I hope you find your way into chat. It is there 24/7 and is filled with wonderful people to chat with get advise from or simple pass the time.

I look foward to getting to know you better!
Emma

[Jane~BH]

Hello and welcome

[Phoenix]

Hew here too - nice to meet you.

-Phoenix

[sierrawren]

:P
Oh thank you so much for the greetings, they mean more to me than I could ever say.(But,watch-- --I'll try anyway!) I am virtually stuck in my home, except for when I go out (protected) by my boyfriend, but even then, I can go only around 5,familiar places(can't drive,too afraid of the panic) and I feel like my own brain and body trap me with no outlets in this life.But to hear from other people, who are warm and kind and so very brave---to read your personal stories, then to get your compassionate and understanding greetings--that means so much to me! To all of us, the touchstones of each others stories truly matter, I imagine, because this is certainly a baffling, antisociable(word>?I am always making up wrong words!)and isolating illness,so often stigmatized with our shame. Our feeling we are predestined to fail everything and everyone we love.
Thanks to you all for accepting me,even if I feel, inside and out, like :blink: and
Dino, just wanted to say, I read another post of yours and could so relate to it--the feeling of being useless and worthless, and furious, suffering from agoraphobia;also, my father(who I did not know)was Scottish, so I have always wanted to go there.(My mother is Korean,and whenever I get "too talkative" I become "just like my father!"whatever that means! Anyway, I consider the country a part of me, a distant backdrop maybe someday I'll be able to travel to reach. First step: getting out of this house!)
And Emma-lee: thank you. You have many hardships that I have,as well, and you describe your struggle so eloquently--your fight against them. Yes, already my daughter too knows mommy can't go to the market like other mommies, or take her to school...How do you explain your illness to your children?I am sure you have done a good job, I'd love to know.
And would love to hear how all of you are doing.Now I will consistently look out for and read all your posts,everyone here(as well of course others!)I'm both naturally very shy and mad(ly) talkative, so I will wait a while to join chat, or plunge right in--not sure! Anyhow, my captive heart goes out to all yours, and I am so grateful to have found you,all of you here. I feel blessed to find so many kind,strong people in one place.

Sier

Welcome to the forum

Caroline