started CBT

[lostinlife]

hello friends

Yesterday i went to see my nurse to try and ease the thought of going to therepy, she helped me write a list of some of the things we have spoken about since i started seeing her so i could give it to the therepist, it helped to ease my mind somewhat. Last night i could not sleep i was so anxious tossing and turning staring into darkness, i managed to drop of around 6.30 am and was up again at 8

today started with me totaly exausted but i really did want to go to therepy, i had to traval 5 miles by bus which i hate doing but it needed to be done, i got there early so i had time to calm myself down as much as possable,

she started of telling me the length of the therepy it's weekly for 12 months not 6 which i was told by my nurse
then she started asking questions about my past and present i think maybe just so she could hear how i feel about things from me and not my medical notes, we were having a chat about somethings that are not to great to have in my mind but it has to be done, i was holding back my tears mainly because i did not want to smudge my makeup, the therepist said next time i should not wear it as its best i cry, which i find kind of odd as i really dont want to be crying in front of anyone , but anyway it went ok she seams ok to talk to actually i felt some kind of relief knowing that this is it i finally am going to be able to sort my head out once and for all, (touch wood)
lastly i asked her is it really going to get worse befor it gets better and she said yes i knew this but i was kind of hoping i would stay sane lol

i was still feeling anxiously stressed when i left so i came home and all i have done is clean clean and more clean, so now im tottaly exausted my back acks my legs are bearly holding me up and it feels like my heart is rasing ten times faster the it should be but i have posative times ahead (fingers crossed)

so the warm up therepy is over next week its going to be even harder but i wish myself luck lol

best wishes coming your way all xxx

[Michelle21]

Hi lostinlife.

I am glad it all went well and that you are feeling more positive. You are really brave in accepting help and making the steps you need to recover.
I am sure you may have to confront some demons along the way, but it will be worth it and we can support you here too!
I was supposed to start my CBT today too, but nurse was off poorly, so have to wait a little longer. But I can't wait to get started. Hopefully we can share our experiences and help each other when things get sticky.

Well done again for making a start and lots of luck and hugs to get you through the rest!

M
x

[dino]

DEAR LOSTINLIFE
GREAT TO SEE YOU SEEM TO HAVE A VERY UNDERSTANDING NURSE THERE SEE WHEN YOUR DONE WI HER SEND HER UP HERE TO ME LOL ,GREAT TO SEE THE BALL IS ROLLING IN ORDER TO GET YOU THE HELP YOU SO DESERVE IN ORDER FOR YOU TO GET WELL
LOVE DINO
XXXXXX
LOST I KNOW YE CAN DO IT HUGS

[lostinlife]

hello friends

thanks for the replies, its great to have people who have some understanding.

michelle its great that your also getting some therepy, and i hope your nurse gets back up on her feet soon so you can get on with the therepy. is it to be your first therepy? have you seen anyone else like a counsellor?. nice to meet you look foward to seeing you around

dino if i could send my nurse to you i would lol, i am fortunate to have her she is a great nurse and she is very understanding and i wish everyone could get the help they need by the people who are surposed to insure you get it, , ahh and i love the bear they are my most fav ever and i also collect them thanks

best wishes coming your ways xxxx

thanks again

[FLORENCE]

Lostinlife, I want to tell you how happy I am that you have started your therapy. You have taken a big step forward, how wonderful ,,be proud of yourself!!! I wish you all the luck in the world...you will do fine I'm sure of it.. Maybe when you're done you can teach us.....TAKE CARE AND I'LL BE THINKING OF YOU ..........A FRIEND FLORENCE.











"NO MAN IS USLESS WHILE HE HAS A FRIEND"

[beverley]

DEAR LOST
WELL DONE THAT YOU EVEN GOT THERE?
THAT WAS AN ACHIEVEMENT IN ITSELF I THINK AND YOU MANAGED TO STAY CALM
I THINK YOU HAVE DONE WELL ALREADY AND I AM SO PLEASED THAT YOU HAVE SUCH A NICE NURSE
WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST FOR THE TIMES AHEAD AND YES IT MIGHT BE HARD BUT JUST KEEP GOING SLOWLY BUT SURELY
TAKE CARE
BEV
XXXXX

[petal]

Dear Lostinlife

Great news that you've finally started with your psychologist. It's pretty wonderful that you will be seeing her for 12 months and I'm glad you're seeing a female psychologist.

Your nurse does sound really lovely. That's wonderful that she's so helpful for you and that you like her so much. Hopefully you will come to feel the same way about your psychologist.

I know you've been waiting a long time for this therapy and I'm so pleased your time has arrived. You deserve it!

How are the studies going?

Wishing you all the best
Petal

[lostinlife]

hello friends

Sorry I’ve not been in sooner I have been really busy which has left me drained, in the last week I must have only had about 18 hours sleep I have had so much on my mind
I went to therapy yesterday it did not go to well in my mind I tried so hard to relax but I was so on edge and felt so uncomfortable
There were times it went so silent the therapist said that was fine as it was my time. The silence felt so heavy on my shoulders, in the silence I had to laughs if not I think I may have burst out crying or stood up and punched the wall lol,
I find I smile a lot when I’m there but it’s a smile of unhappiness and despair. I find it so much harder to talk when I’m sitting in that small room then if I were here or in chat. I don’t really know how to talk aloud I find it impossible to admit it to myself, sitting at the computer my thoughts don’t pass my lips, I want to be able to open up let go of this burden that’s strapping me down holding me back and steeling my life, I don’t think I have the power in my sole to release all my feelings and let them be heard.
I did not feel the therapist was that easy to talk to I know I have only met her twice but I found yesterdays session so awkward, I know I have to give it more time and myself more time to work towards what I need to move on without sadness looming in.
Right now I’m feeling down, warn out even tired in myself, I find myself staring in to space with so much thought going through my mind I’m defiantly feeling lost right now

Florence Beverly and Petal thanks for all your kind words thanks to everyone

Ps petal yes the studies are going ok I was dreading Macbeth but I’m fairly enjoying it, I am behind on an essay because im finding it hard but ohh well lol, And I only went back to math today the class went well but when I went to wash my hands the soap smelt horrid so I sat there with such a bad smell on my hands eeeewwwwww, there washed now

best wishes everyone hugs

[FLORENCE]

Lostinlife, I'm sorry that you are finding it hard to talk to therapist, I wonder if you were to write your thoughts down, and let her read them. It maybe an opener , she can take it from there. Just something that popped into my head when I read your post... It may be a tough go , but please just don't give up...you just may find, that in a while you and her will be talking like old friends,,I'll be thinking about you, and praying that you can unburden yourself of all you've been holding inside...wishing you the best,, your friend FLORENCE







"NO MAN IS USELESS WHILE HE HAS A FRIEND"

[Gord]

<span style='color:red'>Dear Lost</span>

<span style='color:blue'>Florence took the words out of my mouth in her last post. I suspect we all have the same problem of articulating our most difficult thoughts to another person "in real life", and find it so much easier to express ourselves through the written/typed word in Chat, Forum or Blog.</span>

<span style='color:green'>Please don't be discouraged by this, only your second visit to the CB therapist. It will take you quite a while to build up the same kind of relationship that you have developed with your nurse, but you have been blessed with the great opportunity of twelve months of therapy, so what might seem hard right now is still definitely possible and within your grasp, if you just persevere - as I know you will.</span>

<span style='colorurple'>So, write your thoughts and feelings down, girl, just as you do here with us.</span>

<span style='color:green'>Also, don't forget your nurse. She's there too, bless her, to help you through all this and get the positive benefits from the therapy which you so very richly deserve. Try to have a good talk with her too as your CBT course goes along so that she can guide you and support you all the way.</span>

<span style='color:blue'>And, finally, don't forget all your friends here in the Phobics community who love you, admire you for your courage and determination, want to help you all the way, and will always be here for you in the times ahead.</span>

<span style='color:green'>((((((((((((((((((((</span> <span style='color:red'>LostInLife</span> <span style='color:green'>))))))))))))))))))))</span>

<span style='color:blue'>Love</span>


<span style='color:red'>Gord</span>
<span style='color:green'>xxxxx</span>

<span style='colorurple'>PS: Maybe carry a bar of decent, nice-smelling soap in a little re-sealable plastic bag with you for the next time you want to avoid horrible, grungy "soap" in public lavatories? Try apple-scented - it's my favourite!</span>