obsessive throughts over rule my true feelings

[greymouse]

morning all, hope you are having a good christmas

had a good day at spca yesterday, i have come across what i believe will be a potiental problem, there was a new girl there, and i think she likes me, too much, maybe im jumping to conclusions but i may need to nip it in the butt by telling her no way hosay..

the last time a girl liked me i said i liked her (at the time) but i didn't and whole thing ended up in a big mess, i dont know why i do that but i guess to have someone like in in that manner means something to me even though at the time it is not true to my heart..

I tend to lead people on thinking its the right choice i made, when in the end its not.. im afaird that will happen again.. i need to wait till i can confirm my conclusions and if its true then i'll have to tell her no because my feelings are lieing to me.. i think it could be because of the extra attention i get and as a result i end up believing it all means something when it doesn't...

i know im freaking because im afaird these false notions are leading me down a path which ive been many times before where my feelings lie to me and people end up getting hurt... so if im right i need to deal with it.. even though my head says otherwise, i know it would be wrong for anything to happen, because my feelings are for someone else.. but my stupid head just keeps going on about it..

i only have feelings for one person there, and at the moment as it stands with her we are just friends.. and im cool with that as i hope our friendship remains and see what happens.. im in no rush because of the many issues i have inc the rocking, that one will be the hardest to explain, and my dark moods, and doing nothing but listening to music most of the day, social phobia etc means there is just no way at this time and moment...

i hope this is making some sense because this is going to be going around in my head prob all week and i need to fight my brians thoughts because they are wrong.. i dont want to lead another girl on again because of my obessive thought patterns...

takecare all

i hope you all have a good xmas!

[petal]

Dear Greymouse

Sorry, I know I've responded to your posts in the past but I can't help myself by replying to this one too.

If you think this girl at the rspca likes you and your feelings are not the same, just be pleasant and polite with her at the shelter but don't pay her any extra special attention. Just be breezy and friendly with her like you would be with anyone else of your co-workers. She may just be being friendly towards you as a fellow worker, and nothing more than that.

If she asks you out and you don't really want to go out with her, simply say thank you but you can't at the moment. If she asks you again and you don't want to go out with her, just tell her that you're interested in another girl but that it would be nice to be friends with her at the animal shelter when you work together.

As for the rocking you mentioned that you do, there is another woman who uses the forum who has problems with this as well. If indeed it is the same thing as she mentions, I'd see your doctor about it. I have a friend who rocks as well. He's done it for years and I don't think he's ever seen a health professional about it and I think this is to his detriment (bless his heart).

Try not to get yourself caught up in knots about thinking 'what if this girl likes me'. You can handle the situation. I know you can. And you're doing such wonderful work by going back to the animal shelter. Don't let this present situation ruin the work you are doing which you find rewarding.

Wishing you well Greymouse. Take care
Petal

[greymouse]

hi petal

thanks for your message again

hey thank you for your offer of support and understanding i can understand what you are saying

i've done it before about being friends to someone else, it took alot of guts, but i felt better knowing that friends we were no more.. so i'll wait and if something happens i'll suck in my fears and let her know..

i can get obessive, obessive enough to believe something which isn't true.. i wish i had someone to talk to at home, to express my throughts and them giving me some clarrification of what it all means.. sometimes i get so worked up about something that i believe that im doing wrong, and that im evil, that i cannot see the truth of the situation.. i need to try to relax more, being with the animals helps cause they love to smooch, i keep telling myself im here for the animals thats all.. which does help bring me back to earth! snap me out of it! slap across the face to shock me out of that path of throught! *whack* ahh clarity! lol

anyway takecare!

[petal]

Dear Greymouse

When you need to talk to someone and there's no one around, we are always here in the forum and chat. If you're having obsessive thoughts you're finding difficult, just post on this forum and you'll get responses from caring people who want to help you out.

I knew being with the animals at the animal shelter would be good for you. I've experienced that myself with my volunteer work at the cat shelter. There's something really wonderful about working with animals. It works both ways. You help them to be more comfortable by looking after them and you in return get something that is priceless ... their love and wanting to smooch with you. They calm you down and make you feel needed. It's trully wonderful work you are doing at the animal shelter. Very admirable work and work you will remember with great fondness in your old age. I look back on my days at the cat shelter with much happiness.

Wishing you all the best
Petal

[greymouse]

morning all

sorry that i disappeared, had some trouble with my computer ended up reinstalling windows.. im not really great working under pressure or when someone watches me i can't demonstrate any of my skills, i freeze up... so it took awhile..

i hope you had a good xmas and new years, going to the shelter this morning, im going to take it easy, one of my main diffculties is feeling really uncomfortable when my mate aint around to talk too.. ive decided to see if i have enough time just to sit with the animals for abit just on my own and try to think positive throughs...

my mate finally sms txted me which was great! wasn't expecting an answer, so yesterday we have been sending each other txt messages! it felt good to just talk to someone anyone from the comfort of my own home, without mum stressing about the phone going all the time, so txting is great it doesn't distrib the peace and mum doesn't know anything about whats happening, which is even better!

anyway best get organized

takecare *hugs*

[petal]

Hi Greymouse

Hope you had a good shift at the animal shelter . Let me know how it went.

Bye for now
Petal

[greymouse]

hey there

had a good day yesterday i amde extra effort to fit in i love working with the animals and generally help out in any area of the shelter which people may need a hand, i dont mind doing that, it keeps me busy and it allows me to talk to people on a one on one bases i love talking to my mate most of all i understand her, though she knows im depressed and on meds im not sure she understands me yet.. depression has a habit of rearing its ugly head espically when i get tired and have throughs of going home.. i really had depression i was doing so well yesterday!

yesterday i was pretty tired and looking and feeling glum which i hope noone noticed.. i didn't feel glum about being there its just my depression creeps up again when i get tired, its nothing to do with anyone there.. i hope nobody noticed it because i made extra effort yesterday to fit in..

i hope nobody judges me on the way i was looking glum because they dont understand whats its like for me, depression is a desease and can creep up at anytime and when it does i can look glum, empty inside, & down in the dumps, i wish people knew that is the reason for it and thats it got nothing to to with them, just this stupid depression is really starting to upset me..

i guess i was feeling glum because i knew i had to go downtown, and i have a social phobia and i get all avoident hoping not to bump into anyone i know in town.. so i race through town hoping nobody notices me..

i hope my mate didn't think it was her that made me look glum.. maybe i should explain to her whats going on? but how will she take it? good or bad? shes honest enough with me.. im trying hard to be honest to her..

i wish people who arent depressed understand that its nothing against them its my problem and if they dont like it dont get to know me..

takecare petal!

[petal]

Dear Greymouse

I'm so happy for you that your work at the animal shelter went well yesterday.

I wouldn't worry about having to explain yourself to your co-worker. Just be who you are. You don't have to explain yourself or how you are feeling at all. In fact, I'd most likely avoid doing this and just concentrate on the task at hand ... looking after the animals. Just concentrate on them rather than worrying about how people might perceive you. If you do your job well, which I know you do, that's all that matters. And if you do your work well, you will most likely feel better about yourself anyway.

I think it's really fantastic that you've gone back to the animal shelter. It's a good learning ground for you in building your confidence at work and learning that your skill and ability is there inside you.

Greymouse, I'm not sure if you've mentioned this before but do you see a counsellor/psychologist? I ask this as I think seeing one might help you. I'd really like to see you develop some self confidence in your abilities and I think they may be able to help you with this.

When do you work at the animal shelter next? I bet all the dogs and cats like it when you come and do your shifts .

You take care now and let us know how you are going.

Wishing you all the best
Petal