any advice

[itissue]

hi I wonder if anyone has any advice. I suffered badly with panic attacks and depression since my marriage broke up and my dad died very suddenly a year ago and I do seem to be getting better but my 15 year old son has developed a very simular problem and a big phobia of going to school. It started as stomach problems, not wanting to go to school etc but now it has got to point where he cant bear being in the school building he panics and runs home, he has tried going for one or two hours but still cant cope he does not go out of house much only spends hours on the computer in a world of his own. He has started going to CAHMS
but he feels its not helping. She just seems to try and give him relaxation methods, breathing etc which has not made things any better. He was doing very well in school and wants to be "normal" again as he puts it. I dont know whats best to do. I do know that what has happend in our lives has been a major cause of his problems but I realy am worried and am stumped as to what to do next.

[debbiebens]

Hi I'm new to the forum but have a 12 year old son with school phobia too. It started after an illness and now he feels nauseus at the mere mention of school. He has been for 2 days in the past 4 weeks and it was hell for him(and for me!). He feels sick all the time and just wants to come home. Before this, he was doing really well at school and he has some good friends whom he came up through primary school with. I'm sure it;s nothing to do with bullying or problems with his work but I just don't know what to do for him. He gets so distraught at the thought of going to school. The Head of Year at school has been very good with him but I don't think she knows how serious things are, I will see her soon and explain more.

Keep in touch, maybe we can get through this together!!

Debbie

[petal]

Dear itissue and debbiebens

http://bestsmileys.com/welcome/10.gif to both of you.

Sorry to hear of the difficulties you're experiencing with your children. I don't really know what to say except that the staff at the schools where your children are attending must be aware of school phobia and should be able to give you some advice about finding treatment for your children.

Itissue, it sounds like you've already done this but as you mention, it doesn't appear to be helping your son. I'd speak with an appropriate person at school again and find someone else to treat your son using a different therapeutic approach.

Education is one of the most important things in life and school phobia is a disorder that needs real attention. I can see that both of you are very concerned about it.

I'd say that treating the disorder is a matter of finding the right professional to treat your children for school phobia. I know you don't want to drag your children around to different therapists as that could be damaging in itself. I'd do as much research as possible about finding an appropriate person to treat your children (ie grilling therapists on the phone about how they'd treat the condition, doing your own research on the web) and seek advice from the schools themselves. Most likely you've already done these things and I'm writing down stuff that you're already doing ... I can just see how serious a problem this is and would like to help even if it's only in a miniscule way.

Wishing you both all the best
Petal http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/tiere/animal-smiley-085.gif

[debbiebens]

:D Hi Petal, thankyou so much for your kind words and encouragement! I'm going to see my sons Head of Year tomorrow and am taking some things from the net about school phobia with me. Wish me luck!! :rolleyes:

[petal]

Dear debbiebens :)

I do wish you luck. Please let us know how you get on.

Wishing you all the best
Petal http://bestsmileys.com/cats2/17.gif

[debbiebens]

<_< Hi Petal, couldn't get to see the Head of Year but I did speak to her over the phone. She is really being helpful, but all the time she says he must understand that he's to come to school. He knows this bless him, but he isn't able to at the moment!! I'm afraid I snap at him sometimes( bad mum) but it's so frustrating. I just want to see him happy again.

Anyway, going to a lovely GP on Friday, hope she helps him!

Hope you are well

Debbie x :D

[Rocky]

<span style='color:green'>I'm so sorry for both of your children's problems, and I am in the USA so it may be different here, but may I suggest something a bit different?

Especially with your son Itissue; he has gone thru a trauma, cuz divorce is very traumatic for children. I don't know how close he was to your father, but if he was, that also is a trauma. Also, when one divorces, just due to it's nature, everything in a child's life changes.

Might I suggest you take them, especially itissues son, to a psychiatrist or psychologist to help them. This does not sound like a "phobia of school" to me. It sounds like he is having a very difficult time dealing with these situations and could be suffering from depression, anxiety, etc.

Also, it is not uncommon for mental health issues to rear their nasty heads at this age.

Just saying if it were my child, I would want someone with a great deal of knowledge to see him and make sure there isn't some medications or type of therapy that could help him. If that isn't the problem, at least you have eliminated the "worst" case scenerio!

All my best to you both (((((((((hugs to you)))))))</span>

[debbiebens]

Hi Rocky and thankyou for your kind words. In my case, my son has also developed a fear of being sick, as well as school phobia. My husband thinks his problems are my fault because I do worry about everything and anything, especially where the kids are concerned. It's because I lost my first baby and I'm a bit over protective, but I hate to think it's my fault.

Our GP has referred him to someone and we're waiting for the appointment. We're going to see her again on Fri because he's gradually getting worse and he needs some help fairly quickly.

Debbie :(

[petal]

Dear debbiebens :)

I hope your GP is able to help your son and that the specialist, once you get to seem him/her, is able to help him.

As for your husband blaming you for your son's disorder well ... that doesn't help at all (blaming). That's not bloody fair. The important thing is that you're taking the condition your son has seriously and that you are trying to do something sensible about it.

Don't take on your partner's blaming you for your son's condition. I'm sure it's not your fault. Sometimes these things just happen.

You take care now and let us know how you get on with the GP and specialist (once you get the opportunity to see them).

Wishing you every success
Petal http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/natur/nature-smiley-013.gif

[debbiebens]

Hi Petal, hope you are well. I'm going to see our GP tomorrow with my son to see what help he can have. The school have been great and are willing to let him attend mornings only until he feels a bit better.

He's finding it very hard though and has only been one day this week:(

Debbie :)

[petal]

Dear debbiebens

I wish you all the best for your appointment today with your GP (it's Friday in Oz already!).

I'm glad you're getting some support from your school.

I do wish you and your son all the best and I hope that he can find some help to get him back on track. I can see how worried you are about the situation.

Do take care and let us know how you get on at the GP.

Bye for now
Petal http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/natur/nature-smiley-017.gif