21 days

[Jessica.]

do you ever get that feeling when your scared to be alone? whether it's because you're afraid of being alone with yourself and what you might do, or because you don't like the feeling of being alone, or maybe its because when your alone it almost forces you to think...and i hate it when i have to think about things. sometimes i think really happy thoughts, but most of the time i just think about my past and all the things i've done wrong, it's never what i've done right. my past is messy and theres a lot of hurt, but there was a lot of love too, and half the time i wish i could go back and live in those moments of pure happiness...i want to get it back and i know that i can't if i'm going to continue hurting myself..someone told me it takes 21 days to get into a habit, well i'm trying to get into a habit of not harming myself, because let's be honest, it's not helping anyone..and i know that. if anything it's damaging, if not breaking, all my relationships with everyone i have. i don't mean to hurt anyone, it's just that cutting has always been the perfect escape for anything that i want to runaway from. what i've learned is that when you runaway from a problem, it runs after you, only it comes back twice as strong and facing it is all that much harder. so i'm going to embrace this 21 days now, with my head up, and i'm going to be as strong as i've ever been, because i need this, i need to get better. today, september 19th, was my 8th day clean and i'm not stopping, i can't, i've got too much to lose...cutting isn't how i should be celebrating my life, i should be loving every second of life, and myself, i deserve it and honestly, it feels good to not have a blade in my skin. i know that if i make it to 21 days i'll still be facing this everyday, but i need to prove to myself that i can do it, that i can make 21 days happen. i still want to hurt myself, but i know i don't need it, and thats what i keep telling myself, i'm too good for it, everyone is. not one person should feel like hurting themselves is the answer. it's not. trust me. so please, don't do it, you are way too amazing to be hurting yourself, plus loving yourself is more fun. treat yourself right because it's what you deserve. :)

[modifyimage]

It's really awesome that you're trying to achieve this goal. I know that I "stopped" cutting about a year ago, but still occasionally slip up (usually on those nights when I'm by myself, stuck in my own head). But I'm really glad that you've been clean for 8 days, and definitely encourage you to keep on going!!! Stopping really does improve your relationships with others, and honestly can make you feel better about life in general. When you look in the mirror, you won't see all these wounds that only remind you of the bad things in life, but instead can begin to think more positively. Definitely keep us updated on how you're doing, and discuss any problems you encounter on your way to 21 days!!

[Jessica.]

thankyou for the support :) and i will write more! no worries there :)

[BlackAngelsOfDeath]

That really awesome your doing really great!! I wish I could that long.... But great job!:D

[Jessica.]

thankyou! :) and if you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to message me

[Emilyjane]

I know this will sound a bit odd.. But I can never encourage myself to cut myself I tried it once and I just couldn't.. But instead I endure pain some other way, like getting tattoos.. I honestly can say I like getting them? I have a high tolerance to pain so anything physically painful I can handle.. Just not harming myself on purpose.. Things that make me feel good in the end (like tattoos) so maybe start a new habit or hobby (doesn't need to be painful lol) but do you get me?
Plus it's really awesome that you are realising that your better than that! And you really deserve to be happy everyone does! And if you notice that you do then I think your going to do great and your really going to conquer this! (: keep up the good work!

[Jessica.]

thankyou so much (: but i know exactly what you mean by the pain thing! i mean i have 10 piercings, used to be 12, and i cannot wait to get into tattoos!

[Emilyjane]

I'd get more piercings but my body rejects them! Haha I just got another tattoo today actually.. Killed like a bitch but for some reason I love it and can't get enough ! Haha on my foot to.. Ouch. But even if not tattooing maybe do like boxing or something like a rough sport ? I dunno I just find that helps me (:

[Jessica.]

i want to get into kickboxing. lol. but it sucks that your body rejects them. whatever, tattoos all the way! i hear getting a tattoo is like an annoying pain, but i feel like once i start i won't be able to stop! lol...and on your foot, that must have killedddd! i want to get one on my forearm right over all the scars and i want it so say "love yourself" then a little further up my arm, like the inner side of my elbow area, have a small blackbird that looks like it was etched, my friend wants to take me, a little nervous though :p

[Nikolas]

i want to get into kickboxing. lol. but it sucks that your body rejects them. whatever, tattoos all the way! i hear getting a tattoo is like an annoying pain, but i feel like once i start i won't be able to stop! lol...and on your foot, that must have killedddd! i want to get one on my forearm right over all the scars and i want it so say "love yourself" then a little further up my arm, like the inner side of my elbow area, have a small blackbird that looks like it was etched, my friend wants to take me, a little nervous though :p

i almost fainted my first tatooo i got was with a home made tatooo gun fro ma playstation 2 motor and other utensils

[Emilyjane]

I used to kickbox but I got bored of it haha! That sounds amazing ! Iv got 3 tattoos and I'm getting 2 more until I finish I think.. I'm tempted to get a sleev but Noo I prob won't! Aha I wanna get what doesn't kill you makes you stronger on my rid (:
Yes heads up foot hurts! But if you got good pain tolerance itll be fine (:
Hey you should inbox me! Talk on Facebook or something if you got it you sound like a lovely person!

[Jessica.]

oh my godddd ouch! no thanks, i'll get mine done professionally! that must have killed so bad!

[Nikolas]

oh my godddd ouch! no thanks, i'll get mine done professionally! that must have killed so bad!

yeah lol it was hell

[Jessica.]

that rib tattoo would be so cute! and thankyou Emilyjane you seem very good to talk to as well (: