View Full Version : I don't know how my family puts up with me?

Gray Matter
07-29-2011, 07:30 AM
I know this post is for friends and family, but look at from my view. I lie to get out of family gatherings, I leave grocery and department stores, leaving my loaded cart in isle. I don't believe in God and my family is very religious, if there was a god why does he let millions strave in Africa. Million die at hands of Nazi's and Millions suffer as all of us on this forum. I embarace my wife if I have a panic/anxiety attack in public, I am on short term disability so I am at least bringing some money in. I have no friends, I'll say that again I have no friends at all, no one to call, no one to visit, My mom is in Georgia and brother in L.A., I cut back cell phone plan to save money and only have 45 min long distance a month, Home phone is set up so it can't dial long distance. I have a wife who just left me, she can no longer handle my illness and she is now suffering anxiety and depression. We that are with the illness are very hard to understand. We can go from laughing one minute to crying the next. We are very unpredictable, I know my brother tells no one his brother has major mental illness, No if I had Cancer or MS just to choose two out of random diseases he would tell people that. I am never invited to Company functions. I have been under medical care 16 years and 30 years of alcohol. I am dry since 1998. I am just mad that family hides us and lies about us . For example "Oh he is just moody today because his dog/ pet /girlfriend is sick or hurt." Who ever reads this look into yourself and think of all the pain and suffering we go through without you adding to it, the family member making our miserable life worse. You yell at us to "Get out of it!" "Your faking this!" "oh its not that bad." we hear this and know you did not pay attention in the psychologist office as he/she explained our condition to you. Or even worse you never took you child or wife/husband to get help. If you can't afford it there are aid that can be attained. that is how i got help for 5 years after quit drinking. I am really sorry we were born into your life and ruined your white picket fence life you had planned out. Now we are weak and moody and hard to put up with. Oh then send him to get 80 plus Electro Shock Treatments, like my wife did to me. It erased all my memory from 18-20 years old and below. I am on some of the highest doses of Meds and still work full time. I am on short term disability right now. You the family member we need even more Love and Understanding than a normal person. We can get set off by the smallest thing, so I just mean by all this is we are not like this out of choice, but we need you to help and see us advance in recovery and watch us grow and smile when you show us love and understanding, my life is hell right now and my mom is the only one who truthfully cares and she is 800 miles away and I get to talk to her for maybe 20 minutes a week. We e-mail allot and don't skype, I don't want her to see me breakdown and cry when she comforts me. If this rubbed you the wrong way then think about us. Daily you can either help or hurt us by just how you treat us.

08-03-2011, 12:44 PM
Gray Matter,

I can't stay long to respond to what you wrote, but I so strongly feel what you said... it resonated with me!!! I too have problems with god, family, struggles with my agoraphobia.... and needing to feel safe in my own spot and having my family/friends understand that need for stability and love. You have been through so much!! (((Gray Matter))) I am so glad that your mom is there to help you, even from a distance. You are stronger than you know, and don't discount your reality. Through your experiences, you have lived 9 lives over just trying to deal with your MI. Give yourself credit for that, and have confidence that your experiences gives you a perspective and a balance and a compassion that they will never know unless they have gone through it themselves. Parts of my family deal with me the same way your brother does to you, and I refuse to be discounted the way you have been with them... because I know I bring a strength and a quiet resilience that they have yet to grow into.

I so understand the financial problems that build on top of the emotional, psychological and the mental problems we already suffer from. It absolutely adds insult to injury. I understand, as well as anyone who here who deals with a MI on a regular basis. I'm so glad you expressed this... I've been feeling this pent up emotion as well... and it was nice to see your release.

Take care and be gentle with yourself!


10-12-2011, 09:44 AM
There is God and he only needs you to believe in him.Trust totally in him,total dependence would bring total freedom cos he alone can save you.You can only walk on water if u believe.i stopped all medications and i havent been able to go out in days,if i could believe in him in this condition,why cant you.i feel weak,fatigue all the time,dizzy and restless but im so sure my God will come and save me

10-12-2011, 09:47 AM
Jesus died that we may suffer no more,that we may spend our days in pleasure,all things are possible to him that believeth.It doesnt matter how long,if that power could make someone blind from birth to see,could raise the dead,where i worship,women without wombs concieve,then what can he not do?he just needs you to trust him.when he sees faith,he is a covenant keeping God,he acts!

10-24-2011, 01:19 AM
Stay believe on God.

10-25-2011, 06:13 PM
Hello friends,

I wanted to give a gentle reminder about how you reference religion and god when you post, it's okay for you to tell others how god has helped you, and your own religion as well, but please be careful about telling others to do the same thing. What may work for you may not work for others and vice versa.

We want to be sensitive to other people's feelings because it can be a controversial topic for some people, and we try to be sensitive to everyone.

Thank you so much for your attention to this.


01-06-2012, 09:24 AM
i believe on God.

01-07-2012, 12:21 AM
Gray Matter,
I am so sorry for your afflictions and have been where you are and just as desperate. I won't say what you want to hear because what I wanted to hear at the time and what I needed to hear were two different things. I will talk about me because I don't know you and cannot diagnose at all. My real deep down difficulty was war. lol, that sounds really funny doesn't it. You are a soul in conflict, imo. At least I was a soul in conflict. You have two spirits inside warring against each other. I know you hate religion etc. I realize that by what you said, but could you read Romans in the Bible as a suggestion. Just try it. There are worse things to do. Then maybe Matthew. Then Proverbs. Give it a chance.