View Full Version : Do you ever feel ashamed?
07-12-2011, 04:24 AM
Do you ever feel ashamed? Not little "oops" ashamed. More like an "I am unworthy" that hits like the end of all possibility for peace and justice, and it's all my fault.
How do you deal with it?
I have this big, unreasonable drive towards complete withdrawal, because I am ashamed.
I know it's not logical to jump from regrets to feeling like I have to erase myself because of my shame, but wow, it's strong.
Just curious. Not so much looking for answers as wondering what it's like for others.
Do you have regular-sized regret, or do you shoot straight to the super jumbo?
07-12-2011, 12:03 PM
Welcome to our community, :) and I think this is a great topic. Yes, often I feel huge remorseful regret for even the puniest things. With time, work and experience, I can now whittle it down if I can force my brain to concentrate on the logical where it finally makes sense to let go of the past because it's in the past and that mistakes are forgiveable. I also feel ashamed of my PTSD and my agoraphobia problems, I feel like i'm too old to have these problems and that I should have had it figured out by now. Funny how we can spend so much of our lives putting ourselves through misery!
07-14-2011, 08:47 PM
I have every kind of regret you can think of and often feel ashamed of myself
living with s.a.d. all my life, i avoided most things i should have done. and some of the things i would have done
only to end up old and have nothing but regrets left to think about.
they consume me and any good things Ive done
07-18-2011, 06:57 PM
I often feel ashamed over little things as well. Sometimes I can control it, but it take so much energy (especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed). I feel like I always have to be mentally prepared.
It is so nice to know others are going through the same thing you are.
07-18-2011, 07:51 PM
hang in there bub chin up we fight and battle to get over r disorders every day your not alone and im glad to see you active here we need more support and more active users
07-18-2011, 08:23 PM
It used to be that at the slightest embarrassing moment or when I did something that I perceived to be as incorrect (socially) or when i thought I hurt someone (even when they dismissed it as nothing and reassured me that it was nothing), immediately after I would feel this wave of shame. One of two things that would either happen would be an immediate "How could I do that?" and then I would sink lower and lower into self hate or I would forget about it only to remember it some time later and then beat myself up about it. That wasn't even the worst of it though; I would keep on remembering it, even the littlest thing, like it was yesterday, months over months, years over years (for both situations)... unexpected and at the randomness of moments. To stop the wave of embarrassment, shame, and self-hate and regret it got to the point where i would suddenly just whack myself in the face or poke myself in the eye or something... you know, to distract myself from the thought and to .. I don't know, repent? Of course while doing that I was withdrawn in my room, doing it where no one could see my freak out of shame.
But to answer the question you were asking, I had a super jumbo sized regret but now it's just regular (or maybe even less?). I dealt with it by finding a better grounding of self-- the last two years for me have been crazy, hard and emotionally challenging-- I went and found peace with my faults, all the nasty bits and then the regret just left.... That's what brought on my regret in the first place, you know? Hate, hate at my faults and who I was and what I was lacking in.
I can get into more detail if you want to message me about it.
07-18-2011, 08:29 PM
EVERTING FILLIN TO BE ALRIGHT NAHM SAYIN :P
WE STILL ALIVE AND FORUM TROLLING AND LOOKING FOR SUPPORT FRIENDS AND HELP
I HAVE FOUND GREAT RELIEF HERE EVEN THO IVE ONLY SPOKE WITH A HANDFUL OF USERS
caps locks - cruise control for cool people lol j/k
imo you gotta laugh and have people make u feel good or do things that make u feel good or acomplished this will take ur mind off the bad
07-19-2011, 05:32 AM
I feel ashamed because I should be the strong one in the family and I have relied on my wife to do all the bills, Laundry, clean kitchen in the past 12 years of marriage, well she moved out now and I am doing all the bills,cleaning and all that goes with life. So she left because she has developed anxiety,depression herself. We all have reasons to fit into the "Ashamed" but is it really shame or just our desire to categorize some of our Miss understood feelings or actions. Did my wife move out because I went on short term disability and she does not or unable to take care of me and herself. Or she is suffering anxiety/depression herself and had to get away form me so she can recover. Ashamed is just one of our vocabulary words that we all relate to or perceive we relate to.
07-20-2011, 11:23 AM
Regrets and being ashamed can be normal, just keep your head held high my friend
Regrets and being ashamed, always :(
Zombie Graveyard Party
08-23-2011, 05:49 PM
I beat myself up over things that I regret all the time. Sometimes something will happen, and I'll still think about it 10 years later and bash myself for what I should have done differently.
My regrets always haunt me. I guess I just try to keep my head high anyways and move on even though it's not always easy.
Feeling ashamed is a daily experience for me. I am ashamed that my because of agoraphobia I'm 42yo and can't support myself or my family. I wake up and go to sleep every day literally consumed by shame.
09-09-2011, 11:46 PM
i felt like that too..sometimes i regret for things that happen years ago.
when people came to my house,sometimes i didn get out of my room until they gone.i felt ashamed when walk in front of them and they wathing me.
i didnt go far from my house.didnt talk to my neighbours except they asking me something.
10-08-2011, 12:31 PM
Im always feeling shame on top of everything else I'm enduring. It seems like I just don't have anyone that I can talk to and not worry that I'm ruining their day. My mother takes everything I say so close to her heart, shes cried so many times over what I'm trying to explain to her.. and I don't blame her, but at the end of the day it makes me feel like I don't want to go to her when I need help. I can see it breaking her down as its breaking me down and all I feel is guilt. My boyfriend is no better. He never offer's support, he just gets just as upset as I do.. and for once I wish someone could just be strong for me and tell me its going to be okay.
So yeah, I definitely relate to your feelings. The feelings of unworthiness, hopelessness, and shame. Lots of shame..
10-24-2011, 05:35 PM
i think that it just comes along with our disorders, i always get bummed out when i have to take a lorazopam even though it might be my first of the day so my fiance and mom always remind me that for me not to be so hard on myself and just let my medicines work instead of trying to fight it!
10-27-2011, 12:56 PM
I have major regrets and feel ashamed all the time to the point that at the moment i cannot be around people for fear of looking them in the eye i feel ashamed of things i have done /the way i have treated people in my life and for things i have said all things that most everyday people prob do and sort it and move on but i keep playing the past over and over and beating myself with it ,
10-29-2011, 11:35 PM
Glad I'm not the only one that gets this way...
I feel shame all the time... Heck when I get sad, I feel shame in myself for it. I feel ashamed that I'm not happy, and that I ruin people's day because of it. And when I try to talk to anyone, I feel further shame because I'm bringing them down. My girlfriend tries to help me... but I have additional paranoia and anxiety problems that make me distrustful, and when she tells me I shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty, I never believe her. Then I just feel further shame because she tries so hard, and no matter how hard I try, I can't trust her...
Shame is very prevalent in my problems... shame and guilt.
10-30-2011, 12:40 PM
I really love how this topic is inspiring a lot of responses! Shame and guilt are probably the heaviest burdens we carry, and probably our lack of healthy coping responses feed into this. This is a huge one for myself, and I see that as I let go of the shame of going through the process of PTSD, and forgive myself for being human, and that I'm reacting normally to abnormal events in my life, I have all this brain space that's freed up that is not weighted down by negative self talk and the persistent need for perfection.
The moment it resonated with me to work on this was when I saw a quote that said something to the effect of, 'The more time we spend in the past, the less energy we have for the present.' It's true. The past is done, and cannot be undone. Guilt should normally be a healthy manifestation of a twinge of conscience to correct our course. What's the use of constant guilt and shame? Does it add to your productivity or take away from it? I realized then, that what I had was a broken coping mechanism. And it was keeping me from enjoying my life now! I would spend days bathed in regret, sadness, guilt and despair.
Learning to forgive myself was an important lesson to learn, because without it, I could not be happy. I was constantly listening to broken tapes inside my head that told me "Remember when you acted crazy...?" "Remember you are broken...?" "Remember why you should feel bad...?"
It's still a lesson I'm continuing to learn, and learning very shakily. I have to learn to interrupt the guilt talk before it gets to crippling shame, and sometimes I get there in time, sometimes I don't. But the results from trying to change that pattern, is amazing. Learning how to control this impulse really propelled me forward socially, I no longer was hampered by thoughts of shame when trying to get to know people, interact, and get what I need. My expectations of myself are more realistic, and therefore free up more energy for me to be more positive.
Be gentle with yourselves, this lesson is a very hard one to learn and stick!
11-02-2011, 06:51 AM
So glad I found this site. I am having dental work done & feel so much anxiety and panic. I have a huge regret that I chose a bridge instead of an implant. This bridge is awful. & the dentist is making all this soo much worse. I was taking ativan for 2 years and stopped a couple of months ago. Now my bite has changed and the dentist thinks all of this in in my mind. I'm alone this morning and feel like i'm going to shake to death. I don't know how to calm myself down. So I am filled with super sized regret this morning. It helps to put a word to it. Thanks for being there
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