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Colourgirl
04-18-2011, 12:56 PM
Hey all, I've been off work for 2 months because of a reoccurring foot injury. Since then, I've decided that unstructured time and depression are best friends because all of a sudden I couldn't go out of the house period. I knew I was stressed out from all the changes in our lives lately, and I knew that going to work was getting harder and harder. I just didn't expect for my reserves to be so low that after holding down a job for 4 years, I would just revert back to extreme agoraphobia.

This affects paperwork, phone calls, email and chatrooms for me. Anything that is a potentially social interaction can be threatening. And for some wierd reason, agoraphobia and not doing anything seems to go hand in hand. Dishes go undone, hair unwashed, and my thoughts seem to spiral down.

Slowly but surely, I've been crawling out of this whole, and today, went to the doctor's by myself and have been cleared for half days of work. *gulp* Going back to the real world for 4 hours? Sure, no problem. And my mind races to find a plausible answer to the question: What did you do while you were off of work?

Let's see how my brain adjusts to 4 hours of people exposure, paperwork, and responsiblity. On goes the mask and I look like a normie. Good thing people can't sniff out fear.

Colourgirl

SARASMILESALOT
04-18-2011, 04:06 PM
Hello Colourgirl

I hope that your first day back at work went well. Hopefully it will get easier now from now on

Sarasmilesalot

Colourgirl
04-18-2011, 08:16 PM
It did! Thank you! My next step will be to organize all the paperwork that's been put into a jumble while gone. Friday will be my next hurdle, where I will be working with a snide personality who likes to backstab. Oh joy! I keep thinking to myself, you are every bit as valid as her, you are every bit as valid as her, but everything in my body wants to cowtow to her. I don't even want to know how much brain energy I waste on thinking about other people's opinion of me and if my mask is slipping.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Colourgirl

Jess
08-04-2011, 09:53 AM
Good Work Colourgirl! I totally get what you are saying about unstructured time. I've been getting worse and worse since I decided to stop working and work solely on my own art. Generally this would be ideal, and it seemed like the perfect solution to the anxiety problems associated with going to work but since I'm agoraphobic I got panic'd and then frozen and then depressed.
Result = no art, messy house, unwashed clothes + general feelings of failure and loserness.

Looking to try to get back to work myself now and finally sorting out the therapy situation to assist with that.

I have also considered hypnotherapy for the confidence issues - like you describe with the backstabber lady. I'm going to send out super balls of confidence vibes to everyone on here lol.



Jess