ArykaLinn
08-04-2006, 02:42 AM
Hi. My name is Erica. I'm 18 years old and I live in Cinci, Ohio. I would like to tell you my story, hopefully, people might be able to see this on the site and learn a little bit about how a lot of anxiety is the same. I'm currently (for the most part) house-bound. Which is a horrible situation for me.
I used to be a big partier, way younger then kids should be partying. Tried my first drug at 13. I'm not going to go into all the drug and alcohol abuse I've been through, because I personally don't think it's relevant to the reason why I am now suffering from agoraphobia. Well I quit doing drugs about 9 months ago and I was still going out every night with the few, drug free friends that I had left. I went to the Pool Hall EVERY night, I had a steady job, I was looking for an apartment. One day I was out with my (ex)best friend (I'll get to that part in a minute) And I felt my heart start beating. I have been suffering from random anxiety attacks since 14 but it has never before effected my personal life. I sit, breathe through a paper bag, and I'm fine. But this time was different.
I told my friend Shekinah that we needed to go, I wanted to go home. So I started driving back (she didn't have her license) I rolled the windows down to feel the wind in my face and turned the music off. At this point I'm shaky, sweaty, my heart is beating terribly and my chest is tight, I felt like my lungs and throat were both closing up on me.
I was halfway home when the feeling of panic overcame me. I pulled into a gas station and went in to see if they had any paper bags and to call my mother (she knew I had a problem with anxiety once in a while) My mom failed to answer the phone all the times I called. A whopping 11 times! I was a wreck. I was gasping for air, pacing the ground. I didn't care that people were looking at me like I was crazy. Finally, I told the guy behind the counter to call an ambulance. I sat at the back table and layed my head down for all of two seconds until my body screamed GET UP! I started pacing once more and my mom finally called back and started yelling at me, telling me it was anxiety and to just get the @#%! over it. The ambulance arrived, complete with a firetruck and fire rescue squad. I was embarrased. Well, at least after the attack I was embarassed. I did manage to mutter 'Whyd they send all that, I'm not on fire.' And a few times I recognized the fact that the fire fighters were very attractive...Highly embarassing.
So they calm me down, mom goes to the gas station, picks me and my friend up, and I go home and sleep from 5pm until noon the next day. My (ex)best friend tried taking me to my car, I felt I couldn't breathe nearly the whole way there. So I had her turn around and take me home, where I felt fine. The day after that mom took me to my car and FORCED me to drive back to the house. (Good move on her part, otherwise, my car would still be parked!! LOL) I was incredibly terrified, once again, I couldnt' breathe, I was shaky and my heart was beating rappidly.
So for about three months now I've been stuck in the house which is very depressing for a social butterfly like myself. I have lost all but one of my friends. Even my best friend decided she didn't want to take time out of her busy schedule to come and visit me. I'm able to do a few things. I can go to the store to buy cigarettes, I can go to Yost to pick up my meds and to my councilor. I was able to go to summer school for four hours (since I didn't graduate). I went to the grocery store once, and to a basketball game (although the majority of the time was spent in the bathroom breathing through a paper bag).
Tomorrow is my big day. My mom is forcing me to come with her to a cabin with my sister and cousin. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive. I AM TERRIFIED. I'm packing as many paper bags as possible and staying up all night in hopes to sleep as much as possible. But I'm taking some advice (I know some might recognize this from AA) "Take it one day at a time." Instead of thinking about the whole weekend, I'm focusing on mini parts of the trip. And nothing more. First I will "just have to get through packing," then, "Just have to get through the drive." So on and so fourth until this hellish weekend has passed. Hopefully, when I come back I will have the strength and confidence to move forward and finally escape my house.
I wish you good luck with your agoraphobia as well.
--Erica
I used to be a big partier, way younger then kids should be partying. Tried my first drug at 13. I'm not going to go into all the drug and alcohol abuse I've been through, because I personally don't think it's relevant to the reason why I am now suffering from agoraphobia. Well I quit doing drugs about 9 months ago and I was still going out every night with the few, drug free friends that I had left. I went to the Pool Hall EVERY night, I had a steady job, I was looking for an apartment. One day I was out with my (ex)best friend (I'll get to that part in a minute) And I felt my heart start beating. I have been suffering from random anxiety attacks since 14 but it has never before effected my personal life. I sit, breathe through a paper bag, and I'm fine. But this time was different.
I told my friend Shekinah that we needed to go, I wanted to go home. So I started driving back (she didn't have her license) I rolled the windows down to feel the wind in my face and turned the music off. At this point I'm shaky, sweaty, my heart is beating terribly and my chest is tight, I felt like my lungs and throat were both closing up on me.
I was halfway home when the feeling of panic overcame me. I pulled into a gas station and went in to see if they had any paper bags and to call my mother (she knew I had a problem with anxiety once in a while) My mom failed to answer the phone all the times I called. A whopping 11 times! I was a wreck. I was gasping for air, pacing the ground. I didn't care that people were looking at me like I was crazy. Finally, I told the guy behind the counter to call an ambulance. I sat at the back table and layed my head down for all of two seconds until my body screamed GET UP! I started pacing once more and my mom finally called back and started yelling at me, telling me it was anxiety and to just get the @#%! over it. The ambulance arrived, complete with a firetruck and fire rescue squad. I was embarrased. Well, at least after the attack I was embarassed. I did manage to mutter 'Whyd they send all that, I'm not on fire.' And a few times I recognized the fact that the fire fighters were very attractive...Highly embarassing.
So they calm me down, mom goes to the gas station, picks me and my friend up, and I go home and sleep from 5pm until noon the next day. My (ex)best friend tried taking me to my car, I felt I couldn't breathe nearly the whole way there. So I had her turn around and take me home, where I felt fine. The day after that mom took me to my car and FORCED me to drive back to the house. (Good move on her part, otherwise, my car would still be parked!! LOL) I was incredibly terrified, once again, I couldnt' breathe, I was shaky and my heart was beating rappidly.
So for about three months now I've been stuck in the house which is very depressing for a social butterfly like myself. I have lost all but one of my friends. Even my best friend decided she didn't want to take time out of her busy schedule to come and visit me. I'm able to do a few things. I can go to the store to buy cigarettes, I can go to Yost to pick up my meds and to my councilor. I was able to go to summer school for four hours (since I didn't graduate). I went to the grocery store once, and to a basketball game (although the majority of the time was spent in the bathroom breathing through a paper bag).
Tomorrow is my big day. My mom is forcing me to come with her to a cabin with my sister and cousin. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive. I AM TERRIFIED. I'm packing as many paper bags as possible and staying up all night in hopes to sleep as much as possible. But I'm taking some advice (I know some might recognize this from AA) "Take it one day at a time." Instead of thinking about the whole weekend, I'm focusing on mini parts of the trip. And nothing more. First I will "just have to get through packing," then, "Just have to get through the drive." So on and so fourth until this hellish weekend has passed. Hopefully, when I come back I will have the strength and confidence to move forward and finally escape my house.
I wish you good luck with your agoraphobia as well.
--Erica