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View Full Version : Just got diagnosed {Long read!}



MissKitty
06-25-2010, 05:27 AM
My Agoraphobia started after a car accident I was in, in which the majority of my school saw and talked about the next day. Life after that started to gradually decline, I stuck to a minimal group of friends, whereas before I would talk to many, many classmates. I started to skip classes that didn't have my group of friends in and eventually started staying off school more and more. Luckily, I was nearing the end of high school anyway. I'm from the UK. After high school, I went to college but after two weeks, I dropped out...

I used the internet as an escape and I met my current boyfriend via an MMO. He is from New Zealand, he came over to the UK to live & work here for two years on a working holidaymaker visa. We lived together for the entire two years and got along famously. We are very much in love, he became my rock and with him by my side, I was able to go out to public places I had previously avoided {cinemas, restaurants, shopping centers}. I have never been able to work because of this and thus still live with my mother {who I am able to go to the supermarket with}.

Those two years came to an end though and my boyfriend would have to go back to New Zealand, there was no other visa he could that would allow him to stay on in the UK, not until I'm at least 21 {I'm 19 right now}. We love each other dearly and I made the decision I would go to live in New Zealand with him for a year. On the first attempt, I managed to get to our first airline stop, Dubai but once there, panic set in and we made the decision to go back the UK and not carry on the journey. On the second attempt, I only got to the UK airport we were leaving from...my boyfriend had no choice, he had to leave but heartbreakingly, I couldn't go with him.

After he had gone, extreme seperation anxiety set in and I couldn't eat, sleep or even get dressed. I didn't leave the house for nearly two weeks. During that time, I was hysterical crying and he eventually made the decision to come back just for 2 days to pick me up and for us to definately go to NZ this time. I gave him my promise that I would go... I got some Diazepam (?) from the doctor and took them regularly and this time, I managed to get all the way to NZ. However, upon arriving there, I holed myself up in my boyfriend's bedroom and suffered even worse seperation anxiety than before, I was vomiting, crying, unable to even leave the bed for the most part.

I had to come back to the UK...since coming back, my boyfriend initially broke up with me, saying that I'd hurt him too much and he wanted to protect himself from being hurt any further. He couldn't understand that I can't help how I am, that it's a mental illness. I promised him faithfully, I would go to the doctor, even if I had to be dragged kicking and screaming, he said he couldn't trust that I would do it. The day after he broke up with me, he told me it was the stupidest thing he'd ever done and wanted me back. I accepted his apology and after my diagnosis from the doctor, he understands a lot better and has promised to support me through this.

I'm not as hysterical without him this time, as I know I'm better off here, getting help and I know he will come back to me. I am able to eat and sleep, however, leaving the house is a mighty task and thus far, have only managed to go to the supermarket twice with my mother. I am awaiting an appointment with a specialist.

I really don't know too much about Agoraphobia but when I did read the Wiki page on it, I was surprised at just how accurate it was to describing me, from the fear of death, to the seperation anxiety. I also suffer with OCD & used to self harm due to depression. I feel quite lonely if my mum goes out and I'm by myself in the house, I have to fight really hard not to let the demons take over me. This got longer than I wanted it too...I don't really know what the point is of me typing all this, I guess it just feels nice to have a place where I can say all this and people will understand completely! Because I know it's really hard for someone who hasn't had experience of it to understand fully.

Has anyone been in a similar situation where they've made plans for a holiday, or such and completely frozen when you get to the airport and not be able to go any further? Can anyone give me anymore information/tips to say to the specialist when I see them? I will obviously tell them everything I've said here but wondering if there's anything I can mention that would make it easier for them to understand or something?

PHEW, if you got this far, have a cookie! :D

dino
06-26-2010, 10:46 AM
Hiya MissKitty

Firstly a huge welcome to phobics you will find loads of support both here and in the chat room :)

Reading your story was very emotional for me cos i myself am housebound here so i could relate to a lot of what your going through etc

The only tips i can suggest for the specialist is be as open and honest about everything you have told here and keep up the trips shopping with your mum i made the mistake of letting the fear beat me and now am totally housebound only time i see a shop is online lol :lol:

Seriously i hope all goes well for you please keep us updated on your progress :)

love dino
xxxxxxx
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/78-Cat.gif

MissKitty
06-27-2010, 12:56 PM
Hiya MissKitty

Firstly a huge welcome to phobics you will find loads of support both here and in the chat room :)

Reading your story was very emotional for me cos i myself am housebound here so i could relate to a lot of what your going through etc

The only tips i can suggest for the specialist is be as open and honest about everything you have told here and keep up the trips shopping with your mum i made the mistake of letting the fear beat me and now am totally housebound only time i see a shop is online lol :lol:

Seriously i hope all goes well for you please keep us updated on your progress :)

love dino
xxxxxxx
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/78-Cat.gif

Thanks for the warm welcome - seems this area of the forums isn't too busy, what a shame. I'm sorry to hear your housebound, I do fear if I didn't live with my mother and have a supportive boyfriend, I too would be that way inclined. I will be honest with the specialist as I'm determined to get help, not just for myself but for my boyfriend, so that I can have a future with him. Thanks for the well wishes and I will definately keep you informed.

Also, should I mention to the specialist about my history of self-harming? I know to definately mention the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but I'm not sure if it would be of any help to the specialist to know about my self-harming? I have done it recently during times where I've been extremely distressed but as a whole I don't do it regularly anymore.

Thanks again!