View Full Version : My day out !!
Not very often i post in here but i think i kindo had a achievement a wee one :lol:
Having been totally housebound and still in bed most day's been so ill etc today my psychiatrist did a home visit , the sun was shining she says cmon diane lets try go a tiny walk :o
Even putting on my jacket and boots felt strange been so long since i wore them i was so dizzy i near fell in the sink trying get the boots on ffs 8)
She then tried to get me to go a bit further but my confidence is so bad i said no way my neighbours are seeing me my hair looks like a hedgehog on speed gone wrong ffs and way i was walking thed think i was pished drunk i was so dizzy :oops:
Bearing in mind im even as faint as fuk inside i tried to tell myself ok cmon at least try we got approx twenty steps me holding onto every lampost bush wall i could to stop myself from falling over , she all the while was trying to distract my panic then says ok just 20more steps touch that wall and back home this was where i realised fuck there is nothing here i can hold onto and i took a massive panic attack and started bawling like a big baby at same time effing and blinding and in between apologizing for being such a fruitcake
She said that what i did was a huge huge achievement but you know me im here thinking why cant i do more plus im here now so exhausted i feel like i have climbed mount everest that she assured me is at the moment normal also as has been so so long since i even walked but dopey here so out breath went straight in and lit up a fag lol :lol:
Now next step is to try get this anemia i have sorted out and deep breathing exercises etc as meds we realise are not for me , i hope somewhere inside this time i somehow find the courage to try and get some sort of life back i have had enough of the panic beating me
11-18-2009, 10:24 AM
Omg hun im so proud of you. I want to run up and give you a big hug for what you achieved today. WELL DONE. What you have just done is one of the biggest and bravest things you have ever done. The longer you are housebound the harder and the stronger the fear of going out gets BUT you did it YAAAA
Oh im so happy and so so proud of you. I think all the people in my town have me down as an alco lol i walk like im drunk but fuck um dino you have suffered for far too long.I hope James gave u a hugh hug and a box of choclates to celebrate ur achievment lol. Now you have to make yourself one promise
that you wont go bk form here today is a new day the start and no matter how hard it is you will do this everyday. Now i know ur saying to me u can go and fuck lol BUT you have to keep it up small steps hun even if you only stand at ur front door for a couple of seconds and in time go as far as ur gate and progress from there but this is the start and im so happy for u. This is the second time i wrote this post the first time the laptop got all fucked up and lost the post but im determined to congradulate you for your hugh achievment so if this dont post ill try again lol I cant do any of those fancy pics unfortunatly cause i wud do a hugh congratulations one for u so sorry I hope you will be in chat later to share ur brill news
11-18-2009, 10:57 AM
:D :D well done dino thats great i'm celebrating with you :D thats the worst part the first step outside, it does get easier each time step by step, my first time out i had to do it when it was dark so no one could see me so you was braver than me :) i'm really pleased for you molly-m xxx
11-18-2009, 01:17 PM
:D :D :D :D Just to add to what has already been said, 'WELL DONE DINO', having read your previous posts over the last few months, that is indeed a fantastic achievement. :D :D :D :D
11-18-2009, 02:45 PM
Dino, what you did IS the equivilent of climbing Mount Everest!! Congratulations!!! I'm so excited, happy and proud of you!!! What an awesome achievement!
11-18-2009, 02:48 PM
DINO you sexy beast MUWAH thats such a nice story and it really made my day to read it thats so cool hun i'll be in chat later to see if your about so we can have a good auld gossip and a good auld bitching session. i wont get to frisky or thumper will have a face on her like a funeral i will say this though.... I FUCKING LOVE YOU DINO whoop whoop
11-18-2009, 03:20 PM
Well done! I know how hard that must have been, you did so well. Feel proud and strong!
11-18-2009, 04:51 PM
:D :D :D
Dino ,, !!
I am soo very proud of you !!! You will do this I know ,You are Scottish , and they r a bit like us Italians with the fight inside of them !!! :D
I am so happy for you my friend . today you found out what u have ahead,, will be a lot of work ,, U can do it ..I just know ,, :D
Omg i'm here with a tear in my eye at all your kind words and support thank you everyone :)
Maybe i was to premature in my moment of elation but i ended up back in my bed at 3pm yesterday afternoon so exhausted i lay there petrified to faint to move until after 2pm today then my mind what is left of it started thinking why am i so done in was only a few steps plus i get done in just having a shower ,so then came the panic so severe me thinking i must have a physical illness to be so knackered then logic says ok you have barely moved your fat arse in three years of course your going be knackered :o
But it was the non stop panic all night again me holding onto quilt cover for dear life thinking my time was up until eventually i got my usual restless on off sleep and here i am today back to being a hermit thinking i must be dying to feel so ill :o
shrinks said it is to much adrenaline causing this and i need to try relax i can never switch racing thoughts off no matter how hard even trying to watch a tv programme im pulling my hair or fidgeting trying not to pass out im fed up of it it is non stop :(
To top it off nurse came in to do bloods for my anemia ffs she looked about ten had the mannerisms o adolf hitlers sister , then abrubtly says look away while taking my blood i soon put the little cow in her place i said no need my sons had 27 operations im quite used to a drop o blood ffs :roll:
Even if i had the energy to try my wee walk today again i can't cos lee is here and he cannot be left alone and even if i got him out to all id be thinking is what if i passed out hubby could not cope with us both ffs im such a fruitloop
Hubby came upstairs last night hugged me i said to him wtf are you on glue he said no thumper said id to hug you , i never got ma chocolates yet though :lol: omg emmisary your post had me in stitches thank you for cheering me up :)
sugar, justmum, molly confounded flo thank you all for your kind words your all so kind :)
Sorry i will stop moaning now twat that i am
Although i am here sounding like a ungrateful bitch im far from it you lot here are my inspiration to keep fighting this and i love you all to bits
11-20-2009, 05:57 AM
Thats Awesome! you know thats exactly how I felt that first long walk to the mailbox. WOOT! I'm going to try to push my boundries again today, its so good to see people making progress and feeling the same things still succeeding. It means you can tell yourself that so-and-so felt the same and made it, so can I. Every story of success is inspiration. YAY :P
11-21-2009, 06:05 AM
:D awwww dino, thats fantastic news on your achievement, im sooooooooo damn proud of you keep up the good work.
loves ya jan xxxxx
11-21-2009, 04:35 PM
Awesome Dino! When the title read "My day out" -I thought maybe you had a double in Phobics lol -but it's an amazing thing. I myself do not think you have to try to do this every day . The one think I like about going "oot" -is the oxygen -which can help against chronic fatigue .
Hope to see you in chat soon Dino -this was a great thing you did.
All best wishes as ever
11-27-2009, 06:27 AM
WOOF***INGHOO!!!!! YAY DINO!!!!! You are a fucking legend!!!! I didn't even *** out the rude letters that time. (Sorry JK. I'm overexcited.) I am so bloody excited for you!! All this time you tell yourself you're a fruiter and there's a little badass Dino been in there under the surface just busting to get out and start kicking some serious arse. Bring it on!! Don't you dare start doubting yourself for being buggered after the effort. Of course you're gonna be knackered after all the panic you went through. You did great. End of story. No doubts. No ifs. No ands. No buts.
Now you did it once you can do it again. Let badass Dino out to play again and give that panic a run for its money. I am so super proud of you. Enjoy your accomplishment. You deserve it. Be well.
Jitterbug, jan, foxyphil and sunny
Thank you all for you lovely posts you lot always cheer me up :)
I think my body went into some kindo Anaphylactic Shock and has remained there cos dopey dino here has been virtually bedridden with dizziness and feeling so drained i can barely stand up , stupid poxy doctor said oh that is your vertigo ffs fucking twat even i know it is no vertigo thats spinning im more like on a boat ground , bed etc moving non stop giving me huge panics all day every day :?
He also said the iron i have been taking last three months i need to continue with as takes at least another three to store in body so fingers crossed it helps eventually i have tasted freedom and im desperate to taste it again
My oldest daughters leaving for oz sunny on the 11th for a year , hubby got her some Australian dollars earlier it looks like toy money :lol: oh and oldest twat son has not eased my stress he bought us wolfcreek film ffs happy families the Osbournes aint got a look in lol http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/straight-jacket.gif
ok that is deranged dinos weekly moan over for at least another week positive thoughts i have none i need a good kick up my bum :lol:
11-28-2009, 01:01 PM
For You ,.
It will all come together in time.. just such a hard time getting there,,
11-28-2009, 03:16 PM
(((dino))) feel better soon!
And you're totally right. Our plastic notes are pathetic :roll:
11-30-2009, 05:14 AM
Wolf Creek is total crap. I watched that movie. It is NOT based on a true story. It's total fiction. Just a blood and gore piece of shit. Have no fear Dino there is no Wolf Creek and the guy that actually played the part of the crazed killer used to be on playschool ffs.
11-30-2009, 02:30 PM
the guy that actually played the part of the crazed killer used to be on playschool ffs.
12-22-2009, 07:41 PM
Proud of you dino!
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