the night calls me

[roxyskater]

I just want to cut up all my skin....I feel the urge for pain and blood...the night time is the hardest time to stop myself...there are no distractions just the TV there is darkness , stillness, blackness, emptiness, and quiet ....lots of time to think and pick up my blade and feel it ...rub it.. put it to my skin for just alittle cut at a time...the relief....I cant explain the rush and then the release of anxiety and stress.. Just to much on my mind to stop me , to many bad memories, the SA the PA the rape just all bad , siddenly this night I cant find anything good in my life, I know its there I just cant bring it the surface tonight....sorry to all I triggered I am sorry to disappoint....I am sorry I am not stronger....I am sorry that I have to come to you all now to make it better and tell me it will pass and that tonight I failed but tommorrow might be better....why cant I be strong enough to tell myself that and believe in it. Im just a mess tonight ....thanks for being here for me.

Sincerely,

Roxy :oops: :oops: :( :? :?

[thumper]

Roxy
Dont apologise for how u feel hun or feel down cause your not stronger this i believe is an illness like many others
and you are a strong person. I also s/h so i understand im glad u came to chat and hope it helped Hugs

Thumper xx

[roxyskater]

Hi Thumper SI ing is a very difficult thing thing for me to keep under control....even with the progress Ive made on getting out of the house ...the urges still overwhelm me at times ...to many times...especially at night, But thank your Thumper for your support and your encouragement again I really appreciate you taking the time.

Sincerely,

Roxy :D

[David104]

I'm afraid of sharp objects, otherwise i'd probably cut too, but i just punch walls until i bleed or it swells up alot and hurts to close. sometimes punch my leg too. it calms me down because i get so angry sometimes...so angry.

hope things get better for you, roxyskater.

[roxyskater]

Thanks David , I do also punch myself and pinch myself which is got to be better than cutting. Thank you for your consideration and your understanding, I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Roxy

[NicolaRedwood]

Hello, Why does cutting bring relief? I am extremely interested about this all. I used to cut my arms with razor blades, but not deep, just shallow cuts, because I was too scared of cutting deeply. I did it because I needed to feel my identity. What is it for you? Is it identity? Why do you feel relief?

[roxyskater]

HI Friend,

SIing for me is a release of stress, anxiety, nervousness, paranoia, and racing thoughts of bad memories. Ireact to these situations by cutting until I feel better. Im concentrating on the cutting or burning rather than the other thing. Funny you should mention the night time, becasue night time is the worse time for me, the need to cut, the urges are much stronger for me at night. I sit alone in the dark aand get nervous or anxious and want to cut.
I just started a new therapy program that specializes in SIing. I hope to learn other coping skills and more abotu why I ever started cuttign all those years ago.

SIncerely,

Roxy :) 8) :wink:

[Kunoichi]

Hey Roxy,

For me, i s/h to deal with the emotions I can't deal with. I tend to hit things because like some of shared, they are too afraid to cut deeply. So I would hit, break my knuckles etc which isn't healthy either. I hope you continue on this progress. The fact you are reaching out and TALKING about it is great!