EternalNight
09-28-2008, 05:35 AM
I have never really spoken to a mental health professional about social phobia or agoraphobia or anything. I'm afraid I don't know much about either, or the difference. I am uncertain, but I think I might have social phobia. I will discuss it with my psychiatrist soon, don't worry - but in the meantime, what are your opinions? (I realize we are not professionals here; no worries, I won't consider this any kind of formal diagnosis, simply as opinions.)
So here's what I deal with. Just as a warning, it may trigger you if you are sensitive; I don't want to trigger anyone, so...yeah.
I can't really leave my apartment comfortably. The moment I even think about it, my temperature rises, my palms get sweaty, and I get fearful a little bit. As I get closer to leaving, to opening that door and entering the outside world with its potential watchful eyes and judging minds, the fear rises more and more.
Going to Wal-Mart, or the mall, or the theater, or any other place with lots of people, is like walking into the gates of Hell for me. I feel like all eyes are on me, all minds secretly judging every aspect of me - how I walk, my appearance, the things I say or do, that thing I just dropped clumsily on the ground or even the fear in my eyes. I do crazy little things to make myself feel better or to make myself appear how I think I should appear. I am overweight - and if I go to a fast food place, even if just to get a freaking salad, I'm sometimes holding my cell phone to my ear (with no one on the line) and asking a pretend person, "So what was it you wanted?"
I am terrified of judgment by other people. If I think it's even a remote possibility, I get so incredibly emotional. I'll avoid it at all costs, even if it means failing college classes or never being able to work (I receive disability). I'm even failing my ONLINE classes right now, because I messed up a couple of times early on and I can't stand the thought of the professors being upset at me or something - and I just end up failing. If I make a mistake in front of someone, my first thought is, "I don't want them to ever see me again, now that I've made this mistake. I can't face them again."
So I guess you get the point. People scare me. Here are the odd things that confuse me: 1) If I'm with someone else in public, I am much less afraid. 2) Deep down, I really do want to get to know people, and have friends and be social. It's just the public, strangers, that scare me..
So what do you think? Again, I'll be checking with my psychiatrist about this; I simply wondered what your opinions are. It'll be a while before I see my psychiatrist again and I've never been known for my patience. :P
So here's what I deal with. Just as a warning, it may trigger you if you are sensitive; I don't want to trigger anyone, so...yeah.
I can't really leave my apartment comfortably. The moment I even think about it, my temperature rises, my palms get sweaty, and I get fearful a little bit. As I get closer to leaving, to opening that door and entering the outside world with its potential watchful eyes and judging minds, the fear rises more and more.
Going to Wal-Mart, or the mall, or the theater, or any other place with lots of people, is like walking into the gates of Hell for me. I feel like all eyes are on me, all minds secretly judging every aspect of me - how I walk, my appearance, the things I say or do, that thing I just dropped clumsily on the ground or even the fear in my eyes. I do crazy little things to make myself feel better or to make myself appear how I think I should appear. I am overweight - and if I go to a fast food place, even if just to get a freaking salad, I'm sometimes holding my cell phone to my ear (with no one on the line) and asking a pretend person, "So what was it you wanted?"
I am terrified of judgment by other people. If I think it's even a remote possibility, I get so incredibly emotional. I'll avoid it at all costs, even if it means failing college classes or never being able to work (I receive disability). I'm even failing my ONLINE classes right now, because I messed up a couple of times early on and I can't stand the thought of the professors being upset at me or something - and I just end up failing. If I make a mistake in front of someone, my first thought is, "I don't want them to ever see me again, now that I've made this mistake. I can't face them again."
So I guess you get the point. People scare me. Here are the odd things that confuse me: 1) If I'm with someone else in public, I am much less afraid. 2) Deep down, I really do want to get to know people, and have friends and be social. It's just the public, strangers, that scare me..
So what do you think? Again, I'll be checking with my psychiatrist about this; I simply wondered what your opinions are. It'll be a while before I see my psychiatrist again and I've never been known for my patience. :P