View Full Version : i'm losing it here
05-26-2008, 05:27 PM
i dont know what is going on with me. first of all i have been in bed for teh last 6 days with a dental abscess. yesterday i was in so much pain i actually asked hubby to take me to the emergency room. at least he realized i was serious, and i chickened out. he called the dentist who didn't call back till 9am this morning(we called at 4:30 yesterday afternoon) anyway i finally got brave and painful enough that i poked it with a safety pin at 5am and it was REALLY gross, but the pain stopped almost immediatly.
but back to the point of my post. i am getting paranoid i think. i have alwasy had good self esteem. i was the bread winner for years because my husband has old injuries and is disabled from them. i'm a good mother and i know my kids adore me. i know that i am a good person.
problem is lately i always think everyone is mad at me, and mad at each other. i also think i am being watched. you know that feeling when someone is staring at you and you can feel them looking at you? i always feel like there is someone looking at me. the other day i swear i felt someone in my bedroom with me. i am used to the health paranoia, but this thinking i am being looked at is freaking me out. i don't feel like i am physically threatened, just that i am being looked at. does anybody else get this? i know i have GAD and SAD and OCD. but i have never felt like this before. that is part of why i don't leave the house because people can see me. but i really need to feel unlooked at when i am in my own bedroom.
05-26-2008, 05:44 PM
ok hunni been there with paranoia i hate it but me and many others will be here ok . its hard with this very hard but stay strong and if you cant we will keep you strong.
05-26-2008, 07:06 PM
thank you jenx, i know logically that it is ridiculous, but i am to the point i can barely talk to my hubby and kids, i even think my mother in law is mad at me or thinking i am not good enough, and the fact that she still knows who i am is a miracle in itself.
05-27-2008, 04:38 AM
Very sorry that you are expieriencing these new feelings ,,be sure to bring them to your Dr. attention,,,, I have been there and know that they are very scarey to say the least .....
I can to relate with the Paranoia stuff you are going through i think a lot of it stems from us having such low self esteem and the added guilt of why can i no longer be that person i was etc etc etc :(
Sorry i never got back to this post sooner but i was again in bed all day again yesterday never even came downstairs once while there most of the day im not sure if a part of what your describing above is that when one of the kids or hubby come to see if your ok i get convinced the way they sometimes look at me as if to say ffs why are you doing this to youself i also get where at corner of my eyes i see shadows convinced theres someone there omg i must sound like a proper loon tune here but i do :rolleyes:
Even after sleeping non stop on and off for 2 days to try and block out my anxiety etc my handicapped son came to bed at 10pm he still sleeps in our room i felt like my head wasent attached to my body no matter how i tried to focus on him rather than myself then once again the viscious c***le of im no use pathetic going insane etc rears its ugly head ,sorry im here off on me me me again what i'm trying to say is your not alone and we are all here for you :)
I think by reading your post re the abscess that alone is imo enough to raise your anxiety levels hence your added paranoia due to everything being to much on top of the already raised panic etc
Thinking of you and i hope you start to feel a bit better soon :) http://dl9.glitter-graphics.net/pub/914/914229efbym66bw4.gif ('http://www.glitter-graphics.com')
05-27-2008, 11:03 AM
thanks for your replies guys,
now on top of everything else the dentist put me on some mega antibiotic that will kill anything supposedly, it is making me sick.
flo, unfortunately the only dr i have is my gp. hubby can't find anyone we cvan afford who will come to the house, and i can't make myself leave. gp is nice and understanding, but he has no idea how to help me.
dino, your probably right about the self esteem thing, i did everything for everyone, both at home and at work. then i was unexpectedly and unfairly unemployed and now i can't seem to do anything for anyone anymore.
gotta go see if i can keep anything down with the antibiotics
So sorry to hear you have so much going on. I know how excrutiating mouth pain can be. The first time my wisdom teeth got infected was hands down the worst pain in my life... and I've given birth. I would rather give birth to 40 twenty pound babies than feel that mouth pain again. Sorry I can't relate much to the paranoia, that was never one of my symptoms. But I feel for you with the mouth pain. I know it sucks that your antibiotics make you sick, but keep at 'em. It's good they make you sick, because that means they are strong enough to kick your infections ass. It'll all pass soon. Good luck!
05-27-2008, 06:47 PM
thanks gwen, i have 3 kids, and have had kidney stones twice. the mouth is definatly worse. i have even given myself dry socket from having teeth pulled and not stop smoking, and this hurt worse than that. i did manage a few bites of dinner tonight. hopefully that will help a little with the sick from the antibiotics, now i just have the lovely yeast infection that i ALWAYS get after antibiotics to look forward too. <_< at least the abscess is draining so shouldn't have the horrible pain again. hubby has renewed his search for some kind of help for me as far as the mental goes. wish me luck.
05-28-2008, 09:10 AM
I am so glad to hear that your hubby is going on to try to find someway for u to get the help u need ,,, Bless him ,,,,I know there must be a way ,,,,
05-28-2008, 10:43 AM
we talked to somebody yesterday, she was supposed to call back and still hasnt, i will still have to make it to them, but they are trying to set up an appointment so i don't have to sit in the waiting room for hours. i know i can't do that. i feel so stupid, i know this stuff is in my head, but when it starts that knowledge does me no good.
they won't let me talk to anyone other then office staff on the phone, which is hard enough for me to try to talk that way. i don't even talk to my family on the phone, we email or chat. when hubby is out and caller id says it is him i answer it, other thn that i can't make myself pic it up. wish i had the money, there are actually several therapists i have found online that do home visits if necessary. oh well, keep your fingers crossed for me.
05-28-2008, 12:21 PM
Fingers and toes ,,, crossed!!! :rolleyes:
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